【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月19日作业 by hustly0415

hustly0415UID: 2407456

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

It is widely accepted that modern society has become more and more complex, and many people, especially the youth, may suffer failure or even much worse consequence if he don't have the ability to plan and organize.

First, the ability to plan and organize will ensure that the youth will not deviate from the right life path. Mordern society is so complex that most youth are surrounded by temptation, varying from a trivial meal to a large amount of money, or even beaty or "good" reputation. At these atmosphere, only the ability of plan and organize can lead the young to the right path of his life. Just take a glance at those juveniles in the prison can you understand it. I have to be sorry to say that most of them, don't have a good plan for their whole life, and at last become corrupt. If they have had a blueprint of their future life, I dare to say, a large amount of them are fighting for their blueprint in the society.

Second, the ability to plan and organize will help the young deal with all kind of challenges in their daily life. The complex modern society has placed all people in a hard environment, they have to deal with all kind of things. In addition, they have to study the specialized knowledge in his field endlessly, not to mention the trivial things in daily life. A people who is even a little bit defective at this ability can hardly deal with his daily life well. My friend, Bob, a clever boy  with a high IQ, performing so bad at planning and organizing, already fall behind in my class.

However, though there are lots of merits for people to have the ability of plan and organize, we can't turn a blind eye on the ability of implementing. Always remember that a good plan which hasn’t been carried out is just a meaningless plan.

In general, the modern society has become more complex, so it is essental for people, especially the young to have the ability to plan and organize.

[ 本帖最后由 hustly0415 于 2008-12-19 21:12 编辑 ]

ningstoryUID: 2548108

It is widely accepted that modern society has become more and more complex, and （去掉and）many people, especially the youth, may suffer failure or even much worse consequence if he don't have the ability to plan and organize.(开头有些单薄，可以展开主题写几句)
First, the ability to plan and organize will ensure that the youth will not deviate from the right life path. Mordern society is so complex that most youth are surrounded by (many) temptation(s), varying from a trivial meal to a large amount of money, or even beaty or "good" reputation. At these atmosphere, only the ability of plan and organize can lead the young to the right path of his life. Just take a glance at those juveniles in the prison can you (you can) understand it. I have to be sorry to say that most of them, don't have a good plan for their whole life, and at last become corrupt. If they have had a blueprint of their future life, I dare to say, a large amount of them are fighting for their blueprint in the society.
Second, the ability to plan and organize will help the young deal with all kind of challenges in their daily life. The complex modern society has placed all people in a hard environment, they have to deal with all kind of things. In addition, they have to study the specialized knowledge in his field endlessly, not to mention the trivial things in daily life. A people who is even a little bit defective at this ability can hardly deal with his daily life well. My friend, Bob, a clever boy with a high IQ, performing so bad at planning and organizing, already fall behind in my class. （例子感觉比较模糊，没有说清楚）However, though there are lots of merits for people to have the ability of plan and organize, we can't turn a blind eye on the ability of implementing. Always remember that a good plan which hasn’t been carried out is just a meaningless plan.
In general, the modern society has become more complex, so it is essental for people, especially the young to have the ability to plan and organize.
总体来看，写的不错，不过我认为句式还可以多样化一些。例子还可以生动一些，比如，Bob如何没有好好的planning and organizing等等。一家之言，抛砖引玉，呵呵。

hustly0415UID: 2407456

原帖由 ningstory 于 2008-12-20 17:08 发表
It is widely accepted that modern society has become more and more complex, and （去掉and）many people, especially the youth, may suffer failure or even much worse consequence if he don't have th ...

感谢你的评论，写得很中肯，说的很好。

关于变化句型这块，我做得很不够。

而开头段和结尾段写得太单薄这点，当时为了赶时间，也就这么提交了，但我之前到是没有意识到这个问题。感谢你给我提出来。

[ 本帖最后由 hustly0415 于 2008-12-20 17:23 编辑 ]

d596086UID: 2522476

如果考试的时候，时间不够，就不要写结尾了，把时间放在扩展body里面
文章大体没什么问题，楼上改的很不错了

提个意见，现在写文章不要限制时间，把文章写到位，加油
句式变化着一块，平时多积累，培养语感就可以做到

hustly0415UID: 2407456

原帖由 d596086 于 2008-12-20 19:02 发表
如果考试的时候，时间不够，就不要写结尾了，把时间放在扩展body里面
文章大体没什么问题，楼上改的很不错了

提个意见，现在写文章不要限制时间，把文章写到位，加油
句式变化着一块，平时多积累，培养语感 ...

呵呵，多谢你的建议，非常感谢