【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月22日作业

xlwxxyUID：2568970

I definitely agree that as the rapid speed of modern technology development, the ability of cooperate well with each other is more important than in the past. Tremendous things call us to have ability to interpersonal and communication capacity. From mathematic modeling to orchestra performances, we all need to cooperate to get the problem done more effectively and efficiently.

Refer to mathematical competition of modeling. As one know this competition require three students get together accomplish a paper solve the problem that given. The best combination is one student is good at mathematic, one is good at programming and the other good at writing paper. Then three of them can contribute the best point of each other and emerge the best quality of teamwork.  Last time I engage in MCM(mathematical competition of modeling), two of my partners are low-grade than me, I have to organize them and use their strong points to accomplishing the essay. When we have different ideas towards the problem, someone must compromise although it will not be used his/her thought before. Illusion that if each three of us had idea of our own, no one compromise, we might waste a lot of time debating use whose idea and nothing would be accomplished until the deadline. However, we are all cooperate and own realization which lead us to do an excellent work and won the second prize. Nowadays, as the tremendous amount of information is created, no one could be excellent in every area, which requires us to improve our interpersonal communication and cooperation ability. So if we want to get together to coin a powerful group, we must learn how to compromise and cooperate.

As the development of the economic and science, we human beings require a higher level of spirit enjoyment which can relax and relieve us from suppression work and study. Listening smooth music is the best way to relax. Then refer to modern time’s orchestra, like music requires rhythm and key in correct way which is the only cause for harmonious music. Each member in the team should play the same beat. Imagine that if everyone in the orchestra plays different beats, the team will create a noisy but not euphonious songs. As one’s music instrument cannot create an amazing music. The requirement of great team include different music instrument holder not only demand to just get together but also require to listen to each other in order to keep the same beat and cooperate. In this way, huge amount of music is played by excellent orchestra and memorable worldwide. Product of great music demand human to cooperate.

Besides, cooperate play an significant role in other area of modern people’s life, from coin new things using the highest level of spiritual quotient and display each one’s best intelligent to form a outstanding team. Or compose a great orchestra and other artist groups, they all calls for cooperate ability. Which means that the ability of cooperate gets more and more significant in modern life.

[ 本帖最后由 xlwxxy 于 2008-12-22 21:48 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID：2565872

I definitely agree that as the rapid speed of modern technology development (这整个是一个名词短语，缺少动词), the ability of to cooperate well with each other is more important than in the past. Tremendous things (like what?) call us to have the ability to utilize? interpersonal and communication capacities. From mathematical modeling to orchestra performances, we all need to cooperate to get the problems done (You don't 'do' a problem. You 'solve' a problem.) more effectively and efficiently.

Refer to Take (refer to是参考资料的意思，而不是举例子) the Mathematical Competition of in Modeling (MCM) (MCM是一个特殊事件专有名词，所以需要大写，带the，然后在全名第一次出现的时候用括号给出缩写，以后就可以用缩写了) as an example. As one know this competition requires three students to get together and accomplish a paper to solve the given problems that given. The best combination is one student is good at mathematic, one is good at programming and the other third (the other只能在双人情况下用) good at writing papers. Then the three of them can contribute the best point of each other and emerge achieve the best quality of for teamwork.  Last time I engaged in the MCM(mathematical competition of modeling), two of my two partners are low-grade (你的意思是他们是你的学弟/妹吗? 那应该是junior) than me, I have to organize help them organize and use their strong points to accomplishing complete the essay. When we had different ideas towards the problems, someone must compromise although it will not be used his/her thought before (不懂..你的意思是compromise不是他们以前所习惯的做事方式吗? 那应该是..even though they were not used to compromisinng.). Illusion Imagine that if each three of the three of us had ideas of our own, and no one compromises, we might waste a lot of time debating use whose idea to use and nothing would be accomplished until the deadline. However, we are all cooperated and own realization (没看懂) which lead us to do an excellent work and won the second prize. Nowadays, as the tremendous amount of information is created, no one could be excellent in every area, which requires us to improve our interpersonal communication and cooperation abilities. So Therefore if we want to get together to coin form a powerful group, we must learn how to compromise and cooperate.(例子很好! 对论点的切回也很好。不过叙述过去事件的时候请记得用过去式.)

As the development of the economic and science (和开头同样的毛病，整个是一名词短语，缺少动词), we human beings require a higher level of spirit enjoyment which can help us relax and relieve us from suppression stressful (suppression是一个很政治化的词，建议你最好干脆不要用，因为多半不会出现需要你用这么政治化词汇的题目..) work and studies. Listening to smooth music is the best way to relax. Then refer to (同上一段的评语) a modern time’s orchestra: like music requires correct rhythm and key in correct way which is the only cause for to be harmonious music. Each member in the team should play at the same beat. Imagine that if everyone in the orchestra plays at different beats, the team will create a noise but not euphonious songs. As one’s music instrument cannot create an amazing music, the requirement of a great team include of different music instrument holder players not only demand them to just get together but also require them to listen to each other in order to keep to the same beat and cooperate. In this way, huge amount of memorable music is played by excellent orchestras and memorable worldwide. Production of great music demand humans to cooperate. (题目是合作精神在现在比过去更重要了。。难道过去的乐队就不需要合作表演了吗?..)

Besides, cooperation plays an significant role in other areas of modern people’s lives, from coin (creating?) new things using the highest level of spiritual quotient (?) and displaying each one’s best intelligence to form an outstanding team (这不是已经说过了吗? 如果你用besides的话，意思是你还要说些别的..). Or to compose forming a great orchestra and or other artist groups, they all calls for cooperation abilities, which means that the ability of to cooperate gets more and more significant in modern life.

总结：

这篇的例子举得不错，论述的组织上也有很大提高，但是语言严重词不达意 - 有很多猜不出意思的诡异用法和明显按照中文用你能想到的近似意思的英文单词一个个凑起来的句子。。建议你复习以下的基本语法，把基础打好：1. 单复数 2. 动词时态的使用 3. 介词使用 4. 句法 - 分句的使用和构成. 另外请注意仔细区分近义词，近义词虽说是意思相近，但不能100%随便替换用的..

transformersUID：2307599

应该我改您文~但是有大侠改过了~~我就不显丑了哈~~里面很多词用得我感觉值得我学习

xlwxxyUID：2568970

谢谢大师的细心点评！感激ing
如果第二段再润色一下乐团在当代作为几乎每人都可以参加的娱乐活动，普遍性增强，那就和现在擦上边了。
要表达的是师弟师妹，要用junior-grade.
suppression是最近看心理文章学到的词，看来是用错了。
看来还是有何多基本的语法错误。要多加留意。。。

cos7jUID：2492350

原帖由 transformers 于 2008-12-23 03:02 发表
应该我改您文~但是有大侠改过了~~我就不显丑了哈~~里面很多词用得我感觉值得我学习

小改一下：
Imagining (用分词形式) that if each three of the three of us had ideas of our own, and no one compromises, we might waste a lot of time debating use whose idea to use and nothing would be accomplished until the deadline. However, we are all cooperated and own realization (没看懂) which lead us to do an excellent work and won the second prize. Nowadays, as the tremendous amount of information is created,being created(如果是我，喜欢这样用，不知道对不对), no one could be excellent in every area, which requires us to improve our interpersonal communication and cooperation abilities. So Therefore if we want to get together to coin form a powerful group, we must learn how to compromise and cooperate.(例子很好! 对论点的切回也很好。不过叙述过去事件的时候请记得用过去式.)留学,考

试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA @ Z2E
As the development of the economic and science (和开头同样的毛病，整个是一名词短语，缺少动词), we human beings require a higher level of spirit enjoyment which can help us relax and relieve us from suppression stressful (suppression是一个很政治化的词，建议你最好干脆不要用，因为多半不会出现需要你用这么政治化词汇的题目..) work and studies. Listening to smooth music is one of (如果是我，喜欢这样用)the best ways to relax. Then refer to (同上一段的评语) a modern time’s orchestra: like music requires correct rhythm and key in correct way which is the only cause for to be harmonious music. Each member in the team should play at the same beat. Imagine that if everyone in the orchestra plays at different beats, the team will create a noise but not euphonious songs. As one’s music instrument cannot create an amazing music, the requirement of a great team include of different music instrument holder players not only demand them to just get together but also require them to listen to each other in order to keep to the same beat and cooperate. In this way, huge amount of memorable music is played by excellent orchestras and memorable worldwide. Production of great music demand humans to cooperate. (题目是合作精神在现在比过去更重要了。。难道过去的乐队就不需要合作表演了吗?..)5R~
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Besides, cooperation plays an significant role in other areas of modern people’s lives, from coin (creating?) new things using the highest level of spiritual quotient (?) and displaying each one’s best intelligence to form an outstanding team (这不是已经说过了吗? 如果你用besides的话，意思是你还要说些别的..). Or to compose forming a great orchestra and or other artist groups, they all calls for cooperation abilities, which means that the ability of to cooperate gets more and more significant in modern life.




好词：orchestra，more effectively and efficiently, euphonious