argument185【0906G ANap Hand 作文互改小组】第五次作业 by irvine666

irvine666UID: 2575525

提纲：
1.淋浴水压减小不一定会节水。
2.一个月没有问题报告不等于真的没问题。
3.限制20层的水流不会带来更多利润。

TOPIC: ARGUMENT185 - The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment building to its manager.
"One month ago, all the showerheads on the first five floors of Sunnyside Towers were modified to restrict the water flow to approximately 1/3 of its original force. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. Clearly, restricting water flow throughout all the 20 floors of Sunnyside Towers will increase our profits further."
WORDS: 465          TIME: 00:45:00+00:12:00（第一次写关于能源的多用了点时间）    DATE: 2009-1-5 下午 04:57:29

In this argument, the conclusion, restrict water flow will increase the Sunnyside Corporation (SC)'s profits more, drawn by a series of author's deductions, in my opinion, is not reasonable as it seems to be.

Primarily, the assertion, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for the SC, is not cogent. The measure of water limiting only carried into execution in the showerheads on the first five floors of Sunnyside Towers (ST), not all water faucet in all the twenty floors, hence whether the means works is incredible. Perhaps the residents living in the first five floors wash themselves not very frequently, and the restriction of water flow is not as effective as expected. Furthermore, as far as we know, the speculation, leading to a corresponding large savings for the SC, made by the author, is not supported by any statistics. The inhabitant of ST would possibly prolong the washing time for reasons of the water flow limit. Consequently the water rates may increase.

Besides, since the adjustment has been put into place for only a month, no one could guarantee that the residents accept the conduction tranquilly forever. The impact to daily life of the occupants may not be so bad due to the weather. It is known to all that people need smaller hydraulic pressure of washing in the hot days than that in the cold ones, thus the denizen would repine more in the autumn and winter. Moreover, probably the situation, no problem reported and only a few complaints found, is the calm before the storm. Citizens living in the first five floors of apartment may regard the control of water flow as the violation of their rights, they therefore decided to appeal the case, or at least, complain the water flow regulation to newspapers, and then obviously, the adjustment brings a big trouble on the SC's head.

Withal, the further plan, restricting water flow throughout all the 20 floors of ST, is devised hastily. The author neglects the possibilities which deeply but potentially influence the profits such as the human resources and the integrity. Maybe the action without a notice will deepen the dissatisfactions to the SC, and the occupants determine to move out of the ST apartment building, and furthermore, all the citizens never believe in the promises made by the owner, so nobody is willing to rent the residence. Which, apparently result in profits decline and finance crunch.

As is mentioned above, the conclusion is with many logical fallacies and the suggestions may lead to a crisis to the owner of ST building. Perhaps restricting water flow to 2/3 or more of its original force will work better, however, the foundation of increasing profits is not lopping off the water flow of showerheads, but water conservation and energy saving.

jenny11235UID: 2585428

TOPIC: ARGUMENT185 - The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment building to its manager. "One month ago, all the showerheads on the first five floors of Sunnyside Towers were modified to restrict the water flow to approximately 1/3 of its original force. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. Clearly, restricting water flow throughout all the 20 floors of Sunnyside Towers will increase our profits further." WORDS: 465 TIME: 00:45:00+00:12:00（第一次写关于能源的多用了点时间） DATE: 2009-1-5 下午 04:57:29

In this argument, the conclusion, restrict water flow will increase the Sunnyside Corporation (SC)'s profits more（increase本身就是增加之意，加个，more干嘛？可能新用法，我不知道？呵呵~）, drawn by a series of author's deductions（这个短语用的好！）, in my opinion, is not reasonable as it seems to be.

Primarily, the assertion, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for the SC, is not cogent. The measure of water limiting only carried into execution in （这里用in？）the showerheads on the first five floors of Sunnyside Towers (ST), not all water faucet（faucets） in all the twenty floors（能否简练下？）, hence whether the means works is incredible（主语从句好~不过means works这样说我觉得语法没问题但觉得有点怪~SJTU同学在哪里看到这种用法的呢？）. Perhaps the residents living in（on） the first five floors wash themselves not very frequently, and （这里是不是用so好些？）the restriction of water flow is not as effective as expected. Furthermore, as far as we know, the speculation, leading to a corresponding large savings for the SC, made by the author, is not supported by any statistics. The inhabitant of ST would possibly prolong the washing time for reasons of the water flow limit（前面reasons是复数，后面of只是一个原因似乎不一致啊~难道是固定搭配？）. Consequently the water rates may increase.（两个反例都不错，第一个反例举出前加个让步如何？即即使可能这种策略有效但由于本来就不怎么用水所以效果可能不明显。） Besides, since the adjustment has been put into place for only a month, （可以加一个 such a short period that然后将后面宾语从句的that省略）no one could guarantee that the residents accept the conduction tranquilly forever. The impact to daily life of the occupants may not be so bad （这里可以表达成负面影响（negative effect）不是那么大由于。。。）due to the weather. It is known to all that people need smaller hydraulic pressure of washing in the hot days than that in the cold ones, （这是众所周知的？我怎么不这么认为？感觉很牵强的一个例子）thus the denizen would repine more in the（不加定冠词） autumn and winter. Moreover, probably the situation, no problem reported and only a few complaints found, is the calm before the storm. （棒！）Citizens living in （on 作者总是不自觉的把自己习惯加上了~）the first five floors of apartment may regard the control of water flow as the violation of their rights, they therefore decided to appeal the case, or at least, complain the water flow regulation to newspapers, and then obviously, the adjustment brings a big trouble on the SC's head. （关于抱怨的问题其实还有其他角度，可以看看别人的~当然你这个也很有新意！）

Withal, the further plan, restricting water flow throughout all the 20 floors of ST, is devised hastily. The author neglects the possibilities which deeply but potentially （什么叫深深的但潜在影响的？很难接受这个表达，除非作者告诉我是范文里的~）influence the profits such as the human resources and the integrity.（这个词用的太不恰当了吧？看看韦氏的解释就知道了，估计是作者自己想不到词了~） Maybe the action without a notice will deepen the dissatisfactions to the SC, and the occupants determine to move out of the ST apartment building, and furthermore, all the citizens never believe in the promises made by the owner, so nobody is willing to rent the residence. Which, apparently result in profits decline and finance crunch.（这是非限定定语从句所以which前应为逗号）

As is mentioned above, the conclusion is with many logical fallacies and the suggestions may lead to a crisis to the owner of ST building. Perhaps restricting water flow to 2/3 or more of its original force will work better, however, the foundation of increasing profits is not lopping off the water flow of showerheads, but water conservation and energy saving.（1 应该是lop the water flow of showerheads off,参考：柯林斯英英：1If you lop something off, you cut it away from what it was attached to, usually with a quick, strong stroke.2 If you lop an amount of money or time off something such as a budget or a schedule, you reduce the budget or schedule by that amount. (INFORMAL)估计是作者自己在某篇范文里看到的用法~但感觉还是不是特别成功）


1这篇语法前面好多了，能感觉到作者已经很用心去注意这些细节。
2 关于逻辑开头很漂亮，简洁却不简单。中间有几个还是值得商榷的地方，感觉作者这篇举的反例还是很不错，但似乎都是说到最后很极端有点让人感觉危言耸听~
3 加油加油！！！呵呵

irvine666UID: 2575525

老实说范文和模板我都没看过，平时看些报刊杂志记几个用法然后写作时想到什么套什么，当然可能会出很多问题了，汗一个