高手帮忙看看这个作文大概能得几分啊？

schgloriaUID: 2579562

写大作文真的挺没底的，请大家帮忙看看，应该怎么修改，谢谢了！
题目：popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and  releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.
         To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

正文： I disagree this opinion.As we know,once there is a popular event or an international sporting occasion,it will be unaviodable to relate with the political affairs.And usually,it is not to ease the international tensions but to make it more strained.We can also notice that a lot of people releasing their partriotic emotions in an ultra way instead of a safe way.
          Most of us must remember the Munich Olympic Games in 1972.During the game,there happened a murder accident due to some political reasons,and this catasthrophe lead to more than 10 person died directly.So from then on,international popular events and sporting occasions always be seen as a sensitive topic,which can make everyone of us nervous.We do not want this kind of things to happen again.As a chinese,I think most people must unfaliliar with the Asian cup in 2004,especially the one which is China to Japan.There is a not good relationship between China and Japan because of historical reasons.So in that football game,either the players themselves or the audience was highly nervous.Taunts,vulgarities and fights can be seen all over the field,people lost their wits,it was no longer a match but a warfare though lots of people just to show their patriotic emotions.
          I believe that nobody like fights,wars and something like that,all we want is a peace world,is a world in which we can really release our patriotic emotions freely and cheer up when there is a world event happening,but not to worry about the terrorists all day long.

yidi mercuryUID: 195299

没仔细看，感觉字数少，表达的方式比较。。估计6分或者5.5吧，现在对ielts没研究了。。呵呵~~

饱饭仔UID: 2505959

字数不够吧...字数不够就很难上6阿
观点也不够明确
楼主别用中文思路来写英语作文哈
外国人都很直线思维的

000UID: 111755

字数246~可以了~~但是语言过于平实~~主体段建议分开~~足球例子不错~~5.5~~

schgloriaUID: 2579562

谢谢！雅思的作文还真是让人头疼啊。。。。