【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】2.1号作业 by 水晶小鱼

水晶小鱼UID: 2471655

综合写作——关于雇员一周之工作四天的利与弊

The lecture completely refutes the passage. It is said in the lecture that working four days in a week is non-beneficial to the company and employees both.

Contrary to the belief that the shortened workweek would increase the company’s profits, the lecturer said that hiring more employees would cost the company a lot of additional money in training, paying more medical fees to those new-comers and there must be more office space and computers to fit in so many people. That’s a big budget for a corporation.

The speaker also refuted the fact that there will be additional job in the company; he argued that the company may expect four-day employees to finish their primary five-day-work in four days and may even ask them to work overtime, in this sense, the unemployment rate will not be increased anyway.

Finally, the professor also offered a different opinion given in the reading passage about the employees will have a high quality of life. On the contrary, he contradicted that these people may become the first to lose their jobs and would not have the chance to be promoted since the corporation would like to use employees who work five days to do the management job stably.


呵呵，超时了，还要练习啊~
感觉第二段写得太短了，提提建议啊~欢迎拍砖~:) 辛苦了~

lijr03UID: 2522963

总的感觉写得非常好，几乎找不到什么毛病，行文流畅，用词合理。如果改得不对，还请原谅。

The lecture completely refutes the passage. It is said in the lecture that working four days in a week is non-beneficial to the company and employees both.



Contrary to the belief that the shortened workweek would increase the company’s profits, the lecturer said that hiring more employees would cost the company a lot of additional money in training (new workers), paying more medical fees to those new-comers and （这里的并列似乎不合适）there must be（there must be） more office space and computers to fit in so many people. That’s a big budget for a corporation.


The speaker also refuted the fact (似乎不应该用事实这个词) that there will be additional job （jobs）in the company; he argued that the company may expect four-day employees to finish their primary (似乎应该用原来的这个词 previous，而不是主要的primary, primary 也有最初的意思，但是放在这里似乎不合适，不知道我的理解对不对) five-day-work in four days and may even ask them to work overtime, (在这里似乎要重新起一句了) in this sense, the unemployment rate will not be increased (decreased) anyway.


Finally, the professor also offered a different opinion （given in the reading passage是修饰different opinion？我明白作者的意思。但是从字面上看有些问题。different opinion 是professor 给出的，不是given in the reading passage，如果有说错，还请原谅）given in the reading passage about the employees will have a high quality of life. On the contrary, he contradicted that these people may become the first to lose their jobs and would not have the chance to be promoted since the corporation would like to use employees who work five days to do the management （这里感觉有点怪） job stably.

有改得不对的地方，还请见谅

不会太久vivianUID: 2592395

The lecture completely refutes the passage. It is said in the lecture that working four days in a week is non-beneficial to the company and employees both.


Contrary to the belief that the shortened workweek would increase the company’s profits, the lecturer said that hiring more employees would cost the company a lot of additional money in training, paying more medical fees to those new-comers and there must be more office space and computers to fit in so many people. That’s a big budget for a corporation.
W8 k1 X7 W3 z% n4 g+ o


The speaker also refuted the fact that there will be additional job in the company; he argued that the company may expect four-day employees to finish their primary five-day-work in four days and may even ask them to work overtime (在听力原文中，先有work overtime 更甚的是 boss 期望更多), in this sense, the unemployment rate will not be increased anyway.
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Finally, the professor also offered a different opinion given in the reading passage about the employees will have a high quality of life. On the contrary, he contradicted that these people may become the first（加个名词） to lose their jobs and would not have the chance to be promoted since the corporation would like to use employees who work five days to do the management job stably.

楼主和很喜欢用长句子啊，呵呵· 如同楼上所说·行文很流利，基本上找不出什么明显的错误·  我这也算是吹毛求疵了。

水晶小鱼UID: 2471655

3# 不会太久vivian
恩，你说的很对，这点是有前后关系的，谢谢啊~

水晶小鱼UID: 2471655

2# lijr03

谢谢你，这么细心的帮我改，恩，很多句子表达的问题我写的时候也举得别扭，但是赶时间么，就。。。会仔细修改作文的，有时候感觉自己想表达的意思老师表达不出来。。。有点chinglish的感觉，还是菜啊。。。

勤加练习~