【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】2.5号作业 by 水晶小鱼

水晶小鱼UID: 2471655

又是一次综合写作~~关于privatization of space travel 的利与弊


The speaker completely refutes the reading passage. It is said in the lecture that the privatization of space travel will benefit neither science field nor the public.

Contrary to the belief in the passage that private space travel will benefit space exploration. The professor says that the control system and operation system for space travel needs extra money. Second, the safety of space travel should be tested and retested for several times which costs a large sum of money as well. Thus, form the above two point reflected, space exploration will not be developed in a high pace.

The lecturer casts doubt on the fact that privatization of space travel will accelerate the rate of
the discoveries of science. In fact, it may delay or even prevent the rate of discovering new things for the reason that more and more scientists will be willing to work for the private corporation for their higher salary. Therefore they will devote their heart to commercial projects not scientific researhes any nore. The entire field will suffer a lot from the loss of the eminent.

The professor also offers a different opinion on whether the government will get more money from the privatization of the space travel. He is quite doubtful about that since space travel need to build more space stations and airport, so government need to spend a lot of tax on those huge projects and this will actually heavy the burden of taxpayers.

To sum up, the speaker raises serious counterargument toward reading passage in this set of materials.

word count:258


是不是写得有些啰嗦啊，字数太多了。。。

40622039UID: 2597948

顺便来看看你~这三点可以综合到一起写的  每段再应用对比 就能用比较少的字数包含更多的信息量 字数还是不要太多的好 太所就会提高出现错误的几率~~~~

by散落天涯

40622039UID: 2597948

综合作文不是拉分的项目 简单表达出观点就好~~

hantangren2009UID: 2582164

The speaker completely refutes the reading passage. It is said in the lecture that the privatization of space travel will benefit neither science field nor the public.
Contrary to the belief（belief用在这有点大吧？换个词） in the passage that private space travel will benefit space exploration. The professor says that the control system and operation system for space travel needs extra money. Second, the safety of space travel should be tested and retested for several times which costs a large sum of money as well. Thus, form the above two point reflected, space exploration will not be developed（这里用不到被动语态把） in a high pace..
上面一段语法没问题，但是这一段只是从成本方面阐述私人星际旅行的缺点，这一段的开头改一下比较好。
The lecturer casts doubt on the fact that privatization of space travel will accelerate the rate of the discoveries of science. In fact, it may delay or even prevent the rate of discovering new things （啰嗦啊，说诸如significant discovery不就好了吗？）for the reason that more and more scientists will be willing to work for the private corporation for their higher salary. Therefore they will devote their heart to commercial projects not scientific researhes any nore. The entire field will suffer a lot from the loss of the eminent
The professor also offers a different opinion on whether the government will get more money from the privatization of the space travel. He is quite doubtful about that since space travel need to build more space stations and airport, so government need to spend a lot of tax on those huge projects and this will actually heavy the burden of taxpayers.
To sum up, the speaker raises serious counterargument toward reading passage in this set of materials.
文章总的来说不错，看出来词汇量很丰富，部分地方就显的啰嗦。第一段条理不太清楚，第三段听力原文的意思是要为私人旅行建造公共的基础设施，所以会加重纳税人的负担。如果个别句子再简练一些，全文的效果会更好。