【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 rockzongli 第二次作业】

rockzongliUID: 2597666

People in the society need all kinds of friends. Fiends with different characters are all important and needed to us. Today, we have discussion on who is more important, intelligent friend or humorous friend? As to me, I could hardly agree that intelligent friends are more important than smart friends. I think both of them are important and the reasons are as follows.

First, as to intelligent friends, they are full of wisdom, and can help us in many ways. They can help us in academic or working problems. When we face a difficult math problem, we can turn to the intelligent friends. They’ll help us analyzing the problem and then work out the problem. We can gain many knowledge and experience from them. So intelligent friends are of great importance to us and we should have close contact with them.

And then, humorous friends are also popular among us. They always take the optimistic attitude towards life when facing difficulties. When we are in a sad mood, they can help us get out of it. Humorous friends have always been Happy Fruit to us. When we come with failure, they will come to us and help us gain confidence and faith. We will never be desperate in the busy life. Making friends with this kind of people, we can soon be optimistic towards life and have good mood everyday.

Furthermore, I’d like to say that, friends are our fortune and we cannot judge them by their characters but by how deep the friendship is. “Friend” is a word that means the people who takes care of us and give us a hand when we are in trouble. Also, many of the friends are both smart and humorous. So I think that whether smart of humorous is not the critical thing, friends of loyalty and credibility are the most important factors.

liurui8802UID: 2595045

首先感谢你这次为我修改的作文 我已经做了一些修改
看了一下你写的文章 感觉作者的观点有点不清晰？
第一段：, we have discussion on who is more important, intelligent friend or humorous friend? As to me, I could hardly agree that intelligent friends are more important than smart friends.
转移了题目要求，变成了谈论是Intelligent friends 好还是smart friends好；
第二第三段分别谈论了intelligent friends 和 ｈｕｍｏｕｒｏｕｓ　ｆｒｉｅｎｄｓ　的好处，但并没有支持第一段I could hardly agree that intelligent friends are more important than smart friends.
第三段展开作者自己的观点，说明朋友各有各自的特点只要friends of loyalty and credibility就是真朋友，没有回答题目的问题，扣题不严。
个人意见 仅供参考 欢迎交流

one0509UID: 2598085

People in the society need all kinds of friends. Fiends (friends) with different characters are all important(换个词吧，essential，indispensable之类的) and needed to us. Today, we have (a) discussion on who is more important, intelligent friend or humorous friend? As to me, I could hardly agree that intelligent friends are more important than smart friends. I think both of them are important and the reasons are as follows.
First, as to intelligent friends, （一开始就用as to 感觉很奇怪）they are full of wisdom, and can help us in many ways. （这句可以改成when it comes to intelligent friends, we always feel energetic, because their wisdom can assist us in many ways. ）(For example,) they can help us in academic or working problems. When we face a difficult math problem, we can turn to the intelligent friends. They’ll （不要用缩写，不规范哦！）help us analyzing the problem and then work out the problem. （这个改成上一句的定语从句吧who will help us analyzing …）We can gain many（去掉many，knowledge不可数的） knowledge and experience from them. So intelligent friends are of great importance to us and we should have close contact with them.
And then, (用on the other hand) , humorous friends, the Happy Fruit to us, are also popular among us. They always take the optimistic attitude towards life when facing difficulties. When we are in a sad mood, they can help (help用太多次了)us get out of it.可以写成they bring the delighted mood back to us. Humorous friends have always been Happy Fruit to us. (这句整合到第一句当插入语)When we come with failure, they will come to us and help us gain confidence and faith.(they make us warm, giving us confidence and faith to get through.)  We will never be desperate in the busy life. Making friends with this kind of people, we can soon be optimistic towards life and have good mood everyday. Furthermore, I’d like to say that, friends are our fortune and we cannot judge them by their characters but by how deep the friendship is. “Friend” is a word that means the people who takes care of us and give us a hand when we are in trouble. Also, many of the friends are both smart and humorous. （可以用什么not only but also 来改一下)So I think that whether smart of(or) humorous is not the critical thing, friends of loyalty and credibility are the most important factors.

感觉你的简单句太多了，句式比较单一。可以考虑把有的句子改写成从句，还有分词做状语等等的。

rockzongliUID: 2597666

谢谢大家的批改！
我自己的语法基础不是太好，所以想从简单句练起~
这次的题目其实不是很明确，我查了下机经，是do you agree or disagree的题目
我的想法是“不同意聪明的朋友比幽默的朋友更重要，我觉得两者都重要”

天泽UID: 2340391

People in the society need all kinds of friends. (Fiends)Friends with different (characters)personalities(personality是指性格，character指人物特征) are all important and needed to us. Today, we have discussion on who is more important, (intelligent friend or humorous friend)intellingent friends or humorous ones? As to me, I could hardly agree that intelligent friends are more important than (smart friends)friends with sense of humor. I think both of them are important and the reasons are as follows.2

First, as to intelligent friends, they are full of wisdom, and can help us in many ways. They can help us (in)with academic or working problems. When we face a difficult math problem, we can turn to the intelligent friends. They’ll help us analyzing the problem and then work out the problem. (这句话和前面重复论述感觉，建议变换句式或者词语) We can gain (many)much knowledge and experience from them. So intelligent friends are of great importance to us and we should have close contact with them.9

And then, humorous friends are also popular among us. They always take the optimistic attitude towards life when facing difficulties. When we are in a sad mood, they can help us get out of it. Humorous friends have always been (Happy Fruit)Pistachio to us. When we come with failure, they will come to us and help us gain confidence and faith. We will never be desperate in the busy life. Making friends with this kind of people, we can soon be optimistic towards life and have a good mood everyday.

Furthermore, I’d like to say that, friends are our fortune and we cannot judge them by their (characters)personalities but by how deep the friendship is. “Friend” is a word that means the people who (takes)take care of us and give us a hand when we are in trouble. Also, many of the friends are both smart and humorous. So I think that whether smart (of)or humorous is not the critical thing, (friends of)删掉 loyalty and credibility are the most important factors.

天泽UID: 2340391

虽然我自己这次作文也是写两个都重要，但后来想想或许论点明确些说哪个更好会容易写得深一点。也就有更多的空间去写一些小论点，而且同样大家都是例子不充分呵~自己写的时候也绞尽脑汁整不出几个例子，平时还得多想多看多积累呵~+U