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[i习作temp] issue144  关闭 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-2-9 21:50:59 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 _xt 于 2009-2-14 22:38 编辑

人生第一篇issue,各位高手请尽量多批批啊!!~~感谢啦!!!我会认真虚心虔诚学习的!不嫌我菜鸟的话,可以互批啦~~我会努力的!

"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.



Art has a positive effect on both individuals and society not only because it enhances our life quality by adding something beautiful to the surroundings of us but also because it reflects and records the activities of human during a certain period.The greatest art works,which are usually considered valuable to the society, are created by ingenious artists who keep a keen eye on the beauty of nature and evaluated by professional critics who draw the interest and attention of public to those art works. While artists are creating a world of treasures that expresses the idea and emotion of human beings, the critics open a window for the public and then guide the outsiders to discover and understand the art.As a matter of fact,the artists alone can’t benefit the society.Just as what is wildly confessed that it is the prospector rather than the magma that finally brought the gold ore to mankind,critics played a crucial role in giving society the value lay in art works.

It has been recognized that human beings are in possession of the innate sensitivity to the aesthetics,though such sensitivity is fettered by a certain degree just based on the experience and knowledges in their own field.Lacking of professional skills,how many of us can accurately decern the difference between the smile of Mona Lisa’s and common women’s?How many of us can dedicately sense the despire and agony in Vicent Van Gogh?How many of us can effectively understand the cubism that Picasso expressed?At this moment,art critics emerge.Unlike the common people,or the laymans,critics are the persons who have received professional and systematic training in evaluating and giving comments on art works.The job of the critics is to build a bridge across over the gap between artists and audients,especially when the artists produce the art works purely in pursuit of their own intellectual interest with regardlessness that whether the spirit or emotion can get through or not.True,artists do creat the art works,but it is the critics that make the value contained in them avaliable and tangible to the public and then pass it to the society.

Another function of critics act is to be the champions in the art movement that may result in a wholly new art style.Photography,for instance,which was ignored and disdained by the mass and even other artists at its very advent,was gradually accepted and considered as a valid form of art which expresses idea and emotion with better utilization of light and shadow by the society due to chronic struggle led by the persistent critics.When the two ways of life,a famous photograph in the late 19 century,came into being,there was few people can sense its graceful poetic imagery at first.The critics,however,claimed a insightful prediction—it comes the era of photography—in face of the hostile public.Critics are usually a group of people who are initially concious of the subtle changes in art history and then bring its value to the society.

In addition,artists and critics supplement each other.The most celebrated French litterateurs Hugo and Balzac each were critics to the other more than best friends.While Hugo was clever at writing comedies,Balzac usually specialized in recording the darkness and tragedy of the society.As they were quite acquaint with each other’s personality and works very well,they often gave constructive critique upon the other’s writings in own point of view;the critique,or advice,taken into heart,led to the roaring success of the writings.As a result,they both became the most brilliant stars in the long historic river of French even the world’s literature.Although critiques from critics may sometimes be objective or lack of professional skills,it should be confessed that most of the critiques are pertinent and relevant advices that will greatly help the artists to improve theirselve as well as their work.And in that way,critics have directly or indirectly guided or influenced the direction of the social cultural development that is sterming from the values in art works in a sense.What’s more,as Shakespear paraphrased:”There is one thousand Hamlets in the eyes of one thousand people”,different critics from variety of cultural and knowledge background can draw different values delivered to the society from one piece of art work.It can be considered as another form of art creating merely by critics.

We were all asked in childhood to remember the author of the Little Women,the painter of the Sunflower,and the poet of the Divine Comedy,but we never know who helps us exhume the treasures in those art works.As artists and critics are both the indispensable and crucial factor in creat values in art,having been aware of the importance of the artists,we should not overlook the function exerted by the critics who finally uncover and convey the lasting value to our society to make a progress.
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发表于 2009-2-10 21:21:46 |只看该作者
Art has a positive effect on both individuals and society not only because it enhances our life quality by adding something beautiful to the surroundings of us but also because it reflects and records the activities of human during a certain period.(表明艺术的作用)The greatest art works,which are usually considered valuable to the society, are created by ingenious artists who keep a keen eye on the beauty of nature and evaluated by professional critics who draw the interest and attention of public to those art works.(艺术作品需要艺术家的创作和评论家的点评) While artists are creating a world of treasures that expresses the idea and emotion of human beings, the critics open a window for the public and then guide the outsiders to discover and understand the art.(分别说明艺术家和评论家的作用)As a matter of fact,the artists alone can’t benefit the society.Just as what is wildly confessed that it is the prospector rather than the magma that finally brought the gold ore to mankind,(好类比 学习!)critics played a crucial role in giving society the value lay in art works.
LZ开篇即肯定了评论家的作用,而且论述层层递进。But个人感觉有点长,可以精简一下语言...

It has been recognized that human beings are in possession of the innate sensitivity to the aesthetics,though such sensitivity is fettered by a certain degree just based on the experience and knowledges in their own field.Lacking of professional skills,how many of us can accurately decern the difference between the smile of Mona Lisa’s and common women’s?How many of us can dedicately sense the despire and agony in Vicent Van Gogh?How many of us can effectively understand the cubism that Picasso expressed?At this moment,art critics emerge.Unlike the common people,or the laymans,critics are the persons who have received professional and systematic training in evaluating and giving comments on art works.The job of the critics is to build a bridge across over the gap between artists and audients,especially when the artists produce the art works purely in pursuit of their own intellectual interest with regardlessness that whether the spirit or emotion can get through or not.True,artists do creat the art works,but it is the critics that make the value contained in them avaliable and tangible to the public and then pass it to the society.
举例很到位,简单几句话表明评论家在艺术鉴赏方面的作用

Another function of critics act (这里换成role会不会好一些) is to be the champions in the art movement that may result in a wholly new art style.Photography,for instance,which was ignored and disdained by the mass and even other artists at its very advent,was gradually accepted and considered as a valid form of art which expresses idea and emotion with better utilization of light and shadow by the society due to chronic struggle led by the persistent critics.When the two ways of life(没看懂),a famous photograph in the late 19 century,came into being,there was few people can sense its graceful poetic imagery at first.The critics,however,claimed a insightful prediction—it comes the era of photography—in face of the hostile public.(例子好像没有说完)Critics are usually a group of people who are initially concious of the subtle changes in art history and then bring its value to the society.
LZ句子写得很长啊,羡慕!

In addition,artists and critics supplement each other.The most celebrated French litterateurs Hugo and Balzac each were critics to the other more than best friends.While Hugo was clever at writing comedies,Balzac usually specialized in recording the darkness and tragedy of the society.As they were quite acquaint with each other’s personality and works very well,they often gave constructive critique upon the other’s writings in own point of view;the critique,or advice,taken into heart,led to the roaring success of the writings.(LZ看看是不是有语法错误)As a result,they both became the most brilliant stars in the long historic river of French even the world’s literature.Although critiques from critics may sometimes be objective or lack of professional skills,it should be confessed that most of the critiques are pertinent and relevant advices that will greatly help the artists to improve theirselve as well as their work.And in that way,critics have directly or indirectly guided or influenced the direction of the social cultural development that is sterming from the values in art works in a sense.What’s more,as Shakespear paraphrased:”There is one thousand Hamlets in the eyes of one thousand people”,different critics from variety of cultural and knowledge background can draw different values delivered to the society from one piece of art work.It can be considered as another form of art creating merely by critics.(这段的观点是artists和critics 彼此supplement,后面的篇幅只是再说评论家给艺术家带来的好处, 没有艺术家带给评论家的啊, 再补充一下)

We were all asked in childhood to remember the author of the Little Women,the painter of the Sunflower,and the poet of the Divine Comedy,but we never know who helps us exhume the treasures in those art works.As artists and critics are both the indispensable and crucial factor in creat values in art,having been aware of the importance of the artists,we should not overlook the function exerted by the critics who finally uncover and convey the lasting value to our society to make a progress.(结尾段的观点倾向于artists和critics同等重要,貌似和开头段观点不符)

小总结:
1.        文笔很流畅,而且很擅于写长句子(学习)!!!文章中用了很多近义词,这个非常值得推荐啊,看来LZ的词汇量相当啊!!
2.        开头段的倾向观点是评论家比艺术家重要,通篇亦在强调这一点,但是结尾段的观点又趋于平衡观点
3.        三个正文段落都在强调评论家的好处,没有表明他们在哪一方面有缺陷或者艺术家又给社会带来了怎样的持久价值,所以呈现一边倒的情景(是否需要重新安排一下?)
4.        文章字数700多,会不会有点太多?(这要是,我肯定打不出这么多哈...)

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