〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组写作 ０００ 第三次作业 〗

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Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? (08.1.12)


Should governments focus more on nature environment than economic development? There is no consensus among people. Some argue that the economic development could enhance the quality of citizens' life. On the other side of the leaf, others, including me, are convinced that governments could focus more on nature environment. My reasons will be presented as follows.

There are two fundamental arguments to support my claim. The first one has to go with the modern life which influenced by nature environment. For one thing, there is no denying that the fresh air and water is a significant condition for citizens’ health. Such kinds of nature resource are surely needed to be preserved by government than by individual. As result of which, citizens' life quality will, in turn, enhance by the nice environment. Besides, high quality nature environment will also improve the economic development. A survey conducted by Global Economic Committee indicates that most economic developed countries have a well preserved nature environment. .

In addition, why so many governments and individual are fond of preserving nature environment is that the nature environment is impossible to renew and easy to destroyed which will influence our off springs life .On one hand, it is universally acknowledged that most local environment is an unique balance. Nothing is more significant to save the place we live. Moreover, we can not emphasize the important of the nature power influence the local people and economic too much. Like the flood in China .Obvious, such disaster destroys the economic developing and could be denied if we have forest like before.

On the other hand, one argument, also the one I find most compelling against my claim, is that economic development could bring tax which could used to improve the quality of citizens' life. Although I concede this point, in my observation, well preserved environment also could enhance the local economic power. One needs look no further than the famous tour cities or countries to find ample evidence that this is the case. For instance, Singapore is famous as travel industry and uses this to build up his economic.

In sum, this issue is a complex one which requires subjective judgments. Thus, economic development surely provide us comfortable life style, but the economic development tend to only satisfy the currently need of citizens. Other more essential needs, such as fresh water and air, safety food and the space and resource to the next generation are more well-met by nature environments than by economic development. In the final analysis, so significant the nature environment is that we can not afford to ignore it. Consequently, government or even the United Nations need to focus more on preserving nature environment than on economic development.

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水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

Should governments focus more on nature environment than economic development? There is no consensus among people. Some argue that the economic development could enhance the quality of citizens' life. On the other side of the leaf, others, including me, are convinced that governments could focus more on nature environment. My reasons will be presented as follows.（第一次见这种提出自己观点的方式—including me 不知道官方怎么看，个人感觉总论点在第一段应该更鲜明一些会更好，易于考官查找～～）

There are two fundamental arguments to support my claim. The first one has to go with the modern life which is （漏掉）influenced by nature environment. For one thing, there is no denying that the fresh air and water is a significant condition for citizens’ health. Such kinds of nature resource are surely needed to be preserved by government than by individual. As result of which, citizens' life quality will, in turn, enhance by the nice environment. Besides, high quality nature environment will also improve the economic development. A survey conducted by Global Economic Committee indicates that most economic developed countries have a well preserved nature environment. ."(如果此处加上一两句深化主题强调自己论点的句子感觉会更好。比如说正因为如此，政府才应该更关注环境之类的。。)

In addition（in addition 如果有与之呼应的链接词在第一段整体的框架会更清晰，比如first of all …..之类哒）, why so many governments and individual are fond of preserving nature environment is that the nature environment is impossible to renew and easy to destroyed（用原型destroy） which will influence our off springs(offspring应该连起来或者中间加连字符，一般不分开写来表示后代) life .On one hand, it is universally acknowledged that most local environment is an unique balance. Nothing is more significant to save the place we live. Moreover, we can not emphasize the important of the nature power influence the local people and economic too much.（这句是不是笔误呀～～好像应该说必须或是不得不说环境对人和经济的影响之大吧= =） Like the flood in China .Obvious(好像应该用obviously……), such disaster destroys the economic developing and could be denied if we have forest like before.

On the other hand, one argument, also the one I find most compelling against my claim, is that economic development could bring tax which could used to improve the quality of citizens' life. Although I concede this point, in my observation, well preserved environment also could enhance the local economic power. One needs look no further than the famous tour cities or countries to find ample evidence that this is the case. For instance, Singapore is famous as travel industry and uses this to build up his economic. !

In sum, this issue is a complex one which requires subjective judgments. Thus, economic development surely provide us (a 冠词漏了)comfortable life style, but the economic development tend to only satisfy the currently need of citizens. Other more essential needs, such as fresh water and air, safety food and the space and resource to the next generation are more well-met by nature environments than by economic development. In the final analysis, so significant the nature environment is that we can not afford to ignore it. Consequently, government（这个是不要么用复数要么加冠词） or even the United Nations need to focus more on preserving nature environment than on economic development.


1.第三段和第四段给人感觉稍微有些混乱…….分论点再清楚些可能就好了。。。
2.语言上感觉有些地方不是太舒服，如：such as fresh water and air, safety food and the space and resource to the next generation 感觉such as fresh water , air , safety food , space and resource to the next generation 是不更好一些，这个我只是个人觉得and 不能用这么多次，并列关系最后一个用and 是不就行啦？
3.例子挺好，如果能再深入一些进行分析，文章的深度上应该会更好。。。偶自个儿就不好，大家一起努力哈～～
ps:绿色代表错误，蓝色代表建议。:loveliness:LZ加油～～

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Should governments focus more on nature environment than economic development? There is no consensus among people. Some argue that the economic development could enhance the quality of citizens' life. On the other side of the leaf, others, including me,(这里感觉有点罗嗦，on the other side of the leaf的用法没有看到过，我不知道是不是可以这样用） are convinced that governments could （should 比较好）focus more on nature environment. My reasons will be presented as follows.



There are two fundamental arguments to support my claim. The first one has to go with the modern life which influenced by nature environment. For one thing, there is no denying that the fresh air and water is a significant condition for citizens’ health. Such kinds of nature resource are surely needed to be preserved by government than by individual. As result of which （Thus) , citizens' life quality will, in turn(这个用在这里是什么意思？还是去掉比较好）, enhance by(be enhanced because of ) the nice environment. Besides, high quality nature environment will also improve the economic development. A survey conducted by Global Economic Committee indicates that most economic(economically) developed countries have a well preserved nature environment.
(这个逻辑值得推敲一下，即使真的有调查表明多数发达国家的自然环境保护得很好，也不能证明high quaility nature improve the economic development，据我所知，很多经济发达国家，在developing 的时候是以破坏环境为代价的，developed以后才开始保护环境）

In addition, why so many governments and individuals are fond of preserving nature environment, the reason is that the nature environment is impossible to renew and easy to be destroyed which will influence our off springs life (the life of our offspring).On one hand, it is universally acknowledged that most local environment is an unique balance. Nothing is more significant than to save the place we live. Moreover, we can not emphasize the important(importance) of the nature power's influence on the local people and economic too much(这个cannot emphasize the importantce of.....too much的强调句式值得表扬，但应为importantce of 后面的东西太长，而且还有一个介词 influence on,所以最好把too much提到前面来 cannot emphasize too much the importantce  of ......). Like the flood in China .Obviously, such disaster destroys the economic developing and could be denied if we have forest like before(这句话读了几遍也没有读懂，不明白你想表达什么意思）.



On the other hand, one argument, also the one I find most compelling against my claim, is that economic development could bring tax which could be used to improve the quality of citizens' life. Although I concede this point, in my observation, well preserved environment also could enhance the local economic power. One needs look no further than the famous tour cities or countries to find ample evidence that this is the case. For instance, Singapore is famous as  travel industry (is famous for )and uses this to build up his economic(its economy). 不明白这一段一开始你提出tax这个观点是为了什么？要反驳吗？可是你后面的叙述完全没有涉及。旅游促进经济发展和经济发展带来税收的作用不能构成对比，旅游业可以带来税收阿。



In sum, this issue is a complex one which requires subjective judgments. Thus（thus 是这样，所以得意思，用在这里意思不对了）, economic development surely provide us comfortable life style, but the economic development tend to only satisfy the currently（current) need of citizens. Other more essential needs, such as fresh water and air, safety food and the space and resource to the next generation are more well-met by nature environments than by economic development. In the final analysis, so significant the nature environment is that we can not afford to ignore it. Consequently, government or even the United Nations need to focus more on preserving nature environment than on economic development.


第一次写算还不错了。有些用词、句式比较大胆，不过考试时最好有十足的把握，因为你用错的也不少。
在文章展开上，这个题目比较宏大可能不太好举例子，不过最好还是要做到每一段第一句话观点清晰，然后用有说服力的例子展开支持。
另外，搂主是不是用了什么模板，因为感觉句式结构很似曾相识。虽然模板有一定作用，但会局限思路，一开始练习的时候可以使用模板，但建议之后脱离模板，或者按照自己的思路写作，最后再做总结，这样考试的时候脑子里就不会只有一个模板了。