一不小心错过了，牛人帮改改吧。ORZ

angeloolUID: 166036

Playing computer games is wasting time, Children should not allowed to play them

Many people believe that playing computer games is just wasting time and don't allow the children to play them. I have some different opinions about this.

It is true that the purpose of playing computer games for many people is to kill time and have some fun. So they think that's not helpful to the development of the children. And the existence of a few bad content games even may have some negative effect on them. There are also some cases that the children stole some money to pay for playing the games.

Except for the extreme cases above, while, I always hold the opinion that playing computer games is not just wasting time and children should be allowed to play them. First of all, playing computer games is a kind of entertainment while not just wasting time. For the children, there are many ways of having fun, such as reading books, watching TV, playing football and so on. Playing computer games is only a new way of entertainment like them. It's really necessary for the children to study and do some meaningful thing for their growth. While, everybody have the right to take a rest. Why can't they choose to play computer games?

Sometimes, playing computer games itself is helpful to learning knowledge and sometimes it's even a more efficient way. For instance, the children, who just get into the primary school, will use computer games to learn the letters in an interesting way in many schools. In the maths class, teachers will also let the children using computers games to practise addition, reduction, multiplying and so on. Through playing games, the children gains the new abilities more positively and efficiently.

Playing computer games now is becoming a fashion for many children. If some boys or girls are not allowed by their parents to do these thing. They will have no common words with others. That will have a very bad impact on them. When the children are playing computer games, they are not only playing games, but they are also exchanging views about things that happen around and chatting with each other. These activities are all helpful to the children on practising speaking skills and cultivating the viewpoint about things.

Above all, playing computer games should be allowed to the children. It is not only a kind of entertainment but also an efficient way to the development of the children.

angeloolUID: 166036

ding!

angeloolUID: 166036

ding

angeloolUID: 166036

ding

alexdelUID: 2265655

2# angelool
Playing computer games is wasting time, Children should not allowed to play them9 I% ?% T/ X! f% C1 I
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      Many people believe that playing computer games is just wasting time and don't allow the children to play them（play使用频繁，them指代模糊，不够漂亮，建议改成their children are kept from it）. I have some different opinions about this.: h( _0 c' F7 r- |4 i- G
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      It is true that the purpose of playing computer games for(仍然应该用of) many people is to kill time and have some(some去掉吧) fun. So they think that's not helpful to the development of the children(that指代不明，建议改成比如So they consider the toy is not helpful to the developmet of the children.). And(What’s worse,) the existence of a few bad content games(the existence of bad content in a few gemes更和谐吧？) even may have some negative effect on them. There are also some cases that the children stole some（去掉） money to pay for playing the games.
      Except for the extreme cases above, while, I always hold the opinion that playing computer games is not just wasting time and children should be allowed to play them（想到一个初级句式可能用在这里也好should be allowed to enjoy themselves on it）.(下面该另起一段) First of all, playing computer games is a kind of entertainment while not（不知道有while这样的用法？用rather than如何？） just wasting time. For the children, there are many ways of having fun, such as reading books, watching TV, playing football and so on. Playing computer games is only a new way of entertainment like them. It's really necessary for the children to study and do some meaningful thing for their growth. While(However), everybody have(has) the right to take a rest. Why can't they choose to play computer games?8 e+ I, y, i9 X  ~* A
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(用个过渡式吧)Sometimes, playing computer games itself is helpful to learning knowledge and sometimes（和上面的sometimes重复，意义又有区别，不如用usually） it's even a more efficient way. For instance, the children, who just get into（get to） the primary school, will use computer games to learn the letters in an interesting way in many schools(will learn letters in computer games in an interesting way). In the maths class, teachers will also let the children using (use)computers games to practise addition, reduction, multiplying and so on. Through playing games, the children gains the new abilities more positively and efficiently.
(用个过渡式吧)Playing computer games now is(is now) becoming a fashion for many children. If some(the) boys or girls are(were) not allowed by their parents to do these thing.(,) They will(would) have no common words with others. That will(would) have a very bad impact on them. When the children are playing computer games, they are not only playing games, but they are also exchanging views about things that happen around and chatting with each other. These activities are all(把all放these前面去) helpful to the children on practising speaking skills and cultivating the viewpoint about things.（感觉这段造句用词很中国化）j$ E& ?& S4 Q( z6 `
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Above all, playing computer games should be allowed to the children. It is not only a kind of entertainment but also an efficient way to the development of the children（to develop children's ability).
让步式结构用在agree/disagree文章里貌似少见，把让步段落提前到第二段来写更加少见，请LZ自己多参考一下牛人关于写作结构的推荐，自己水平
有限不加评论。只有一点，开头的让步段太长了点，不符合开头结尾要快的原则。

angeloolUID: 166036

很有道理啊！ 结构确实很奇怪，下回构思好再写。:)

水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

让步段在第二段也可以，但是让步段让步的成分一定要少，点到为止。然后用大篇幅去证明自己的观点。既全面又不失重点。。

angeloolUID: 166036

nod!