【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 第三次作业 by 云蒸霞蔚】

云蒸霞蔚UID: 2327352

As the development is of central importance of nations’ international status today, the government should pay close attention to the economic situation today.  However, since it is unavoidable that the relationship between nature and human-beings is vital, seldom governments can set the problems related to preserving nature aside. Nature environment  should also be protected well for the sake of the survival of our human-beings.

The economic development, through which communications in all aspects prospers, has promote the living standard of people all of the world and, what’s more, globalization. Without economic development, it is possible that we are still unknown about the advanced technologies, which used as an important merchandise in international trades, and the culture in progress. In the Dynasty of Qing, the government at that time forbade all the  international economic trades, which made our motherland cannot compete with the countries with advanced scientific level. The government should focus on the construction of economy structure. Only in this way, can our nation improve our capabilities in science and other respects.

However, on the other hand, preserving nature raises a series issues of morality and self-consciousness. As we should show sympathy to the creatures around the world. Not only animals but also plants should be protected due to the reason that the living conditions of these creatures influences our lives directly. As the trees around a village have been cut down all, the village is troubled in the crisis of flood and sand of storm, which are prevented by the trees before, almost every year. Similarly, as the spiders are hunted in a large by the farmers, the insect damage , such as lotus and other pests, comes in to explosion. Admittedly, we should try our best to protect the environment around us for the reason that environment is the most precious source we can use.

In conclusion, economic development is of great significance of our nations, it is impractical to overlook its importance and preserving nature should be advocated as well as the economic developments in order to show our responsibilities as human-beings.

chelseajcoleUID: 2589519

As the development is of central importance of nations’ international status today, the government should pay close attention to the economic situation today. (两半句都用today结尾，pay close attention to the rank of economy)  However, since it is unavoidable that the relationship between nature and human-beings is vital, seldom governments can set the problems related to preserving nature aside. Nature environment  should also be protected well for the sake of the survival of our human-beings.

The economic development, through which communications in all aspects prospers, has promote the living standard of people all of the world and, what’s more, globalization. Without economic development, it is possible that we are still unknown about the advanced technologies, which used as an important merchandise in international trades, and the culture in progress. In the Dynasty of Qing, the government at that time forbade all the  international economic trades, which made our motherland cannot compete with the countries with advanced scientific level. The government should focus on the construction of economy structure. Only in this way, can our nation improve our capabilities in science and other respects.
(楼主语言很好，但是感觉在强调不对外贸易的结果，是不是应该说发展经济的重要性，economic trades，economy structure并不能说明经济不发展）

However, on the other hand, preserving nature raises a series issues of morality and self-consciousness. As we should show sympathy to the creatures around the world. Not only animals but also plants should be protected due to the reason(s) that the living conditions of these creatures influence(s) (on)our lives directly. As the trees around a village have been cut down all, the village is troubled in the crisis of flood and sand of storm, which are prevented by the trees before, almost every year. Similarly, as the spiders are hunted in a large by the farmers, the insect damage , such as lotus and other pests, comes in to explosion. Admittedly, we should try our best to protect the environment around us for the reason that environment is the most precious source we can use.

In conclusion, economic development is of great significance of our nations, it is impractical to overlook its importance and preserving nature should be advocated as well as the economic developments in order to show our responsibilities as human-beings.

写的很好，语言用词造句都非常好，看了好几遍，是在是能力有限没什么地方有能力改了，但觉可以强调一下只发展经济不管环境会怎么样，或者只保护环境不发展经济会怎么样，这样进行一个强对比，感觉效果会很好

楼主水平很高啦，想楼主学习

子期的美国梦UID: 2588133

1# 云蒸霞蔚

As the development（？什么的发展，应该具体化，econimic development ）is of central importance of nations’ international status today（建议以后少用多个of的句子表达）, the government should pay close attention to the economic situation today. （一句话中有两个today？） However, since it is unavoidable（不可避免的是两者之间的关系是很重要的？unavoidable是不是很不适合呢？换个词，比如Indisputable，无可争议的） that the relationship between nature and human-beings is vital, seldom governments can set the problems （不要加S）related to preserving nature aside.（set aside是置之不理的意思。但是你这句话的整体表达有问题）Nature environment  should also be protected well for the sake of the survival of our human-beings. 2 g%

The（the去掉） economic development, through which communications in all aspects prosper（交流繁荣？）, has promote the living standard of people all of the world and, what’s more（前面有个and， 就不要硬加一个what’s more了）, globalization. Without economic development, it is possible that we are still unknown about the advanced technologies（不知道先进的科技，说明没有经济的发展也会有先进的科技，只是我们不知道。所以这个逻辑是错误的，应该是不能产生高科技。你这整句话试着重新改改）, which used as an important merchandise in international trades, and the culture in progress. In the Dynasty of Qing, the government at that time forbade all the  international economic trades（international trade已经代表国际贸易，没有必要加economic）, which made our motherland cannot compete with the countries with advanced scientific level. The government should focus on the construction of economy（economic）structure. Only in this way, can our nation improve our capabilities in science and other respects. （这整句话的主语是什么？in this way 是副词，这样的话。还是你在玩倒装？如果是倒装，建议不要！还有这句话的逻辑，加强经济和提高科技的资质，它们之间是没有必然的关系的）

However, on the other hand（你这里用on the other hand，那你上一段开头应该用on one hand，这样段落就清晰多了）, preserving nature raises （arouses，引发问题，应该用arouse，而不是raise，请注意它们两的区别）a series（什么样的问题，可以在这加个形容词Controversial issue，具有争议性的问题，这样句子就生动了）issues of morality and self-consciousness（？）. As we should show sympathy to the creatures around (把around改为in)the world. Not only animals but also plants should be protected due to the reason that the living conditions of these creatures influences our lives directly. As the trees around a village have been cut down all, the village is troubled（troubled可以删除不要） in the crisis of flood and sand of storm, which are prevented by the trees before, almost every year（almost every year可以删除，只用说村庄遭受洪水和沙尘暴的侵害就行了）. Similarly, as the spiders are hunted in a large by the farmers, the insect damage , such as lotus （莲花是昆虫？）and other pests, comes in to explosion（蜘蛛被农夫猎取，能产生之后你所描述的结果，引发其他害虫的数量暴涨，是不是言过其实了？！）. Mittedly（？）, we should try our best to protect the environment around us for the reason that environment is the most precious source we can use.

In conclusion, economic development is of great significance of our nations, it is impractical to overlook its importance and preserving nature should be advocated as well as the economic developments in order to show our responsibilities as human-beings.（最后一段观点不明确，只是说经济发展和环境保护都很重要，但没有提到政府应对它们的作用。很可惜，不够切题。而且收尾没有呼应）

选词和固定词组时请斟酌。单词量上面有待提高。注意换词。中式英文的痕迹比较大。还有建议在文章主体每段前，加一些衔接词，比如firstly，secondly之类的，这样显得比较有逻辑，层次分明一些。
举例上有些弱，应该多结合当前国际的形式，国家政策啊来谈，或者是加点名人名言之类的，这样就出彩一些，这就要求你平时要多看文章，收集有关的素材了。还有你的逻辑方面要加强。

子期的美国梦UID: 2588133

我晕了，发个帖子，老是编辑不来，郁闷啊