【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 alexdel 第一次作业】

alexdelUID: 2265655

Do you agree or disagree?Playing computer games is wasting time;children should not be allowed to play
them.

    Nowadays,more and more children are attracted to play computer games.While the fact is taking negative
infections to children,I am with the opinion that children should not be allowed to play them.
    First and foremost,children would easily addict themselves to computer games.We have to admit that
computer games are made to be much more attractive than ever before.Therefore they produce the fact that
millions of children are put into computer games while they should be at schools. I can draw it mild to
say,computer games are likely to bring children to a degenerate future.
    In additon,playing computer games leads to myopia.It can be best exemplified by my own case.I was not
born a boy with myopia,however,during the young days while I was addict myself to a computer game called
Starcraft,the scores of my eyesight droped from (5.2,5.2) to (4.2,4.3).Now I am so regretting having been
playing the computer game.
    Last but not least,not all computer games keep healthy.Some games contain violence,and some lure children
with adult baits.In general,parents can't play and know the computer games deeply.So it is wise to keep
children far away from them.
   Not Computer games only is wasting time,but also hurt children,both body and psyche.If I have a child,
after all,I would not set my heart at rest to allow him/her to play those stuff.

angeloolUID: 166036

Nowadays,more and more children are attracted to play computer games.While the fact is taking negative infections to children（这句好不通呀，建议重写）,I am with the opinion that children should not be allowed to play them.

First and foremost,children would easily addict devote （addict用于动词的情况很少）themselves to computer games.We have to admit that computer games are made to be much more attractive than ever before.Therefore they produce the fact that （有点中国英语的感觉）millions of children are put into （可以这样说吗？）computer games while they should be at schools. I can draw it mild to say（可以这样说吗？）,computer games are likely to bring children to a degenerate hopeless（原词词性不对）future.

In additon,playing computer games leads to myopia.It can be best exemplified by my own case.I was not born a boy with myopia,however,during the young days while I was addict myself （同样的问题）to a computer game called Starcraft,the scores（？） of my eyesight droped from (5.2,5.2) to (4.2,4.3).Now I am so regretting regretted having been playing the computer game
（regret 后面不能这样接）.

Last but not least（这个表达书上不建议用，过于口语化）,not all computer games keep healthy （？）.Some games contain violence,and some lure children with into adult baits.In general,parents can't play and know the computer games deeply （这句话的位置应该重新安排一下）.So it is wise to keep children far away from them.

Not Computer games only is are wasting time （游戏本身没有时间可以浪费）,but also hurt children,both body and psyche.If I have a child, after all,I would not set my heart at rest
be willing to allow him/her to play those stuff.

小评：
字数太少。
硬伤太多，多加修炼。J

alexdelUID: 2265655

2# angelool 建议很中肯，看来问题很多啊，谢谢你！