【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 angelool 第四次作业】

angeloolUID: 166036

It is better for students at university or in college to choose difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades.

For the students in the university, it is usually a hot topic how to choose classes, especially the optional classes. Some people may hold the opinion that it's better to choose difficult classes even if they can not get top grades. I totally disagree with this idea for some reasons below.

Firstly, we have to find out why these people are willing to choose difficult classes even without the good grades. I guess there are at least two reasons for this. One is because the ones wants to show their pursuit of challenges and the other is for the belief that the difficult classes will be the useful ones. However, both of these reasons are not so convincing. Challenges have already existed everywhere, such as writing papers, doing experiments and hunting for jobs. These students themselves never need to set more barriers. If at the end of the term, they have a really poor grades or even fail the exam, it will really frustrated them and affect their ambitions to other things. And, the difficult classes never mean the useful ones. For a student whose major is literature, quantum mechanics is really a difficult one. Do you think taking this class will be helpful to his future development?

Then, what should be the criteria for the students to choose classes? Interest. If you like something very much, you will pour your heart and soul into it. And during the process of enjoying it, you will conquer the obstacles that you may never pass before. For Helen Keller, learning words is an impossible task because of her poor eye sight. Finally she achieve the goal because of her passion and eagerness for the literature. Therefore, it should never be a standard for choosing classes whether they are difficult or not.

In summary, I don't mean to emphasize the importance of getting high grades. My point is everyone has his advantages over others. They should find their talent while not challenge their shortcomings all the time. Then the students will have more chances to reach higher level beyond the classes.

梦灵草UID: 2600629

For the students in the university, it is usually a hot topic how to choose (select 我听老师说第一段最好选一个跟题目不一样的词)classes, especially the optional classes. Some people may hold the opinion that it's better to choose difficult classes even if they can not get top grades（也变一下句型我的水平改不了，你再想想）. I totally disagree with this idea for some reasons below.

Firstly, we have to find out why these people are willing to choose difficult（换词 e.g. arduous） classes even without the good grades. I guess there are at least two reasons for this. One is because(àinasmuch as) the ones wants(want) to show their pursuit of challenges and the other(àanother) is for(àinasmuch as) the belief that the difficult classes will be the useful ones.(感觉不像两个原因)However, both of these reasons are not so(àoverwhelmingly) convincing. Challenges have already existed everywhere, such as writing papers, doing experiments and hunting for jobs. These students themselves never need to set more barriers. If(删) at the end of the term, providing that(替换if) they have a really poor grades or even fail the exam, it will really frustrated them and affect their ambitions to other things.(前后句倒一下) And, the difficult classes never mean the useful ones. For a student whose major is literature, quantum mechanics is really a difficult one. Do you think taking this class will be helpful to his future development?(该段没有主题句)

Then, what should be the criteria for the students to choose classes? Interest(丰满一下用个句子，这样怪). If(àIn spite of the fact that) you(àthey or ones) like something very much, you(同前，避开第二人称) will pour your(àtheir) heart and soul into it(我感觉这个短语挺好). And during the process of enjoying it, you will conquer the obstacles that you may never pass(àencounter) before. For Helen Keller, learning words is an impossible task because of(àcontribute to) her poor eye sight. Finally she achieve the goal because of her passion and eagerness for the literature.(àIt is her passion and eagerness that she achieve the goal for the literature) Therefore, it should never be a standard for choosing classes whether they are difficult or not.!

In summary, I don't mean to emphasize the importance of getting high grades. My point(àviewpoint) is everyone has his advantages over others. They should find their talent while not challenge their shortcomings all the time. Then the students will have more chances to reach higher level beyond the classes.(尾段没有主旨，没有建议)

建议：1、每段都应该有TOPIC SENTENCE

2、尽量写点长句子，丰富一下句式（其实我也是个半调子，但是我基本按照去上新东方时候老师给我们说改）

3、用词需要再丰富一下
（PS：我也是新手上路，如果觉得哪有问题一定要给我提出来，以上纯属个人观点，如有雷同纯属巧合，如有不满可私下沟通。）

angeloolUID: 166036

呵呵，改得很好！

我原来的问题是句子老长可是句式比较中国思维，索性现在就先从短点开始，不过你提的建议都非常不错，我结合《满分作文》再学习学习。:)

主题句的问题，我是把这篇文章写成了第一段提出论点，第二段驳论，第三段立论，第四段总结的方式，现在想想确实很冒险。看看别人怎么写吧。:)

谢谢！

alexdelUID: 2265655

It is better for students at university or in college to choose difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades.$ t' l! S7 S2 F& H5 x

     For the students in the university, it is usually a hot topic（about,我怎么记得how不能做同位语？） how to choose classes, especially the optional classes. Some people may hold the opinion that it's better to choose difficult classes even if they can not get top grades. I totally disagree with this idea for some(the) reasons below.& x7 d* x& h; u5 i$ J- P! Q) O
& W# Z3 [& ~  d! R- c
     Firstly, we have to(should) find out why these people are willing to choose difficult classes even without the good grades. I guess there are at least two reasons for this. One is because(that ,one既然指代的reason应该这里就不能用because吧？) the ones wants(want) to show their pursuit(追求不用秀的吧，能力才秀，建议改成ability) of challenges and the other is for(that) the belief that the difficult classes will be the useful ones. However, both of these(the) reasons are not so convincing. Challenges have already existed everywhere, such as writing papers, doing experiments and hunting for jobs. These(The,为什么作者这么喜欢用these,some呢？我不喜欢) students themselves never need to set more barriers. If at the end of the term, they have（got,为什么不是虚拟语气？记得上次我改的文章也是如此） a really poor grades or even fail(+in,fail在这里是不及物) the exam, it will(would) really frustrated（时态？） them and affect their ambitions to other things（句式建议改下，这里主语指代模糊）. And, the difficult classes never mean the useful ones. For a student whose major is literature, quantum mechanics is really a difficult one. Do you think taking this class will be helpful to（for） his future development?(为什么是疑问句而不是反问句？)
% a/ T4 z, `- _/ z7 g
       Then, what should be the criteria for the students to choose classes? Interest. If you like something very much, you will pour your heart and soul into it. And during the process of enjoying it, you will conquer the obstacles that you may never pass before. For Helen Keller, learning words is an impossible task because of her poor eye sight. Finally she achieve the goal because of her passion and eagerness for the literature.（上面的例子应该用过去时态） Therefore, it should never be a standard for choosing classes whether they are difficult or not（这句话感觉怪怪的）.
q' H1 p, p. Z7 Y* E, X# w
       In summary, I don't(刚刚表述的论据应该用过去时态) mean to emphasize the importance of getting high grades. My point is (+that)everyone has his advantages over others. They should find their talent（复数） while（又见奇妙的while not） not challenge their shortcomings all the time. Then the students will have more chances to reach higher level beyond(on) the classes.


这篇文章的结构我不是很理解，因为以前XDF老师没有教导过可以这样写。前面提出两点反对的理由，接下来倒数第二段花掉很长的篇幅来教育别人应该怎样选课程，似乎跟论题没什么关系。不确定是不是提倡我们写作文要用发展的眼光看问题，作者自己琢磨下吧。

angeloolUID: 166036

1.
One is because(that ,one既然指代的reason应该这里就不能用because吧？) the ones wants(want) to show their pursuit(追求不用秀的吧，能力才秀，建议改成ability) of challenges and the other is for(that) the belief that the difficult classes will be the useful ones.  
改成ability就不通了，意思是想寻求挑战。:)
2.
These some the也是一种相互换用增加变换的方式吧？
3.
Do you think taking this class will be helpful to（for） his future development?(为什么是疑问句而不是反问句？)
我想表达的就是反问的意思啊，那反问句该怎么写呢？
4.
关于结构，确实是写得有些另类，不过我想只要把第二段的两个分论点分成两段，把倒数第二段的论述作为一个反例加在任何一个分论点中应该就好了，毕竟很多人也会谈interest的重要性的，也不能说与论点没关系吧。:)
5.
关于while not 和rather than。查了个例句：
prefer to do ... rather than do ...,如:
They prefer to repeat their former experiences rather than take new risks
alexdel的建议确实不错。以后戒掉while not!google了一下，爱用它是不是因为原来写程序留下的习惯。:)

另：改得好认真啊！:)多谢。

alexdelUID: 2265655

关于第三点，疑问句在口语中因为语调可以表反问，在作文中可以表反问吗？我自己是不会这么做的；
结构问题保留意见；
其他的已经了解。
交流快乐！