〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组第四次作业〗ilovesherry

ilovesherryUID: 2592030

第四次作业：people choose difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades
There is no doubt that we live in a world in which every one want to be successful. And I guess that is the reason why people are always try to find ways to develop their technique knowledge and varies kinds of skills to live in this competitive society. So, when people ask me about which class I have choosed and why,I always answer them that I like challenge and I need those skills.

Someone may argue that students can not take those difficult classes which they cannot get top grades. They think those difficult classes are useless for those students because they will never get the quintessence of the subjects. But the grades is not the only way to define a success. Yet we are not born as the knowledgeable,we must develop ourselves along with our studies without any pause. People succeed not merely because one or more certain skills and you will never know which one you had studied may be used in your afterward work. So everything we get from any kinds of studies is useful in our daily lives. As my grandmother always told me,one more skill,one more chance.

Furthermore,difficult classes can help students to build their self-confidence and develop abilities to solve and tackle the issues they face in social life,daily studying or science research. Frist of all, if one can accept the challenge what the difficult class bring to him and finally overcome it,he may easily obtain the courage and self-confidence at next time when he face with another harder one. Just as the perverb said by the famous climber who conquered the highest mountain in the world---because it is there. The initial movement of accepting that difficult class maybe just the impulse of taking challenge and then the other benefits come along.

In fact, we call those classes the hard ones only because they are more logical,involved with words and definations which are difficult to be understood, or take too much time to be memorised. On the other hand,those can become wonderful experience after we have the classes. When someday you reallize how logical your analyzation is and how knowledgeable you are,you will know it is the profit from that you had choose the difficult classes.
[374字，45分钟]
第一次写，写的很慢，也没什么文采，请大家多多指教~

０００UID: 2601060

第四次作业：People choose difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades
There is no doubt that we live in a world in which every one want to be successful.（and 最好不用句首） And I guess that is the reason why people are always try to find ways to develop their technique knowledge and varies kinds of skills to live in this competitive society. So,（不知道这个逗号要不要） when people ask me about which class I have choose and why, I always answer them that I like challenge and I need those skills. ( 议论文阐述的时候尽量少用 你　我　之类的主观性强的词，展开论证举例的时候再用比较好 - 不然会给人孩子气的感觉)摘自：There is no consensus among people. Some argue that artists are more important to our society because art could change alleviate our ( 议论文阐述的时候尽量少用 你　我　之类的主观性强的词，展开论证举例的时候再用比较好 - 不然会给人孩子气的感觉)

Someone may argue that students can not take those difficult classes which they cannot get top grades. They think those difficult classes are useless for those students because they will never get the quintessence of the subjects. （and but so这三个最好写作不用句首）But the grades are not the only way to define a success. Yet we are not born as the knowledgeable, we must develop ourselves along with our studies without any pause. （Such successful people 这样such逻辑好点）People succeed not merely because one or more certain skills and you will never know which one you had studied may be used in your afterward work. So everything we get from any kinds of studies is useful in our daily lives. As my grandmother always told me, one more skill, one more chance.
技能学了总是有用的 很好 建议加入点细节 我实力不行反正就是感觉连词上逻辑不明显 但是不知道怎么改 但是文章读起来理解还是没有问题的 最后名言很好

Furthermore, difficult classes can help students to build their self-confidence and develop abilities to solve and tackle the issues they face in social life, daily studying or science research. First of all, 后面就没有递进词了if one can accept the challenge what the difficult class bring to him and finally overcome it, he may easily obtain the courage and self-confidence at next time when he face with another harder one. Just as the per verb said by the famous climber who conquered the highest mountain in the world---because it is there. The initial movement of accepting that difficult class maybe just the impulse of taking challenge and then the other benefits come along.
建立自信 拥有解决困难的能力 挺好 名言不错

In fact, we call those classes the hard ones only because they are more logical ,involved with words and definitions which are difficult to be understood, or take too much time to be memorized. On the other hand, those can become wonderful experience after we have the classes. When someday you realize how logical your analysis is and how knowledgeable you are, you will know it is the profit from that you had choose the difficult classes.
感觉的到最后可能时间不够了 好几个错别字

总结 结构可以了 细节问题不少 总体不错

angeloolUID: 166036

There is no doubt that we live in a world in which every one want to be successful. And I guess that is the reason why people are always trying to find ways to develop their technique professional knowledge and varies various kinds of skills to live in this competitive society. So, when people ask me about which class I have choosed chosen and why,I always answer tell them that I like challenge and I need those skills.

Someone may argue that students can not take those difficult classes which they cannot get top grades. They think those difficult classes are useless for those students because they will never get the quintessence (?) of the subjects. But the grades is are not the only way to define criteria for a success. Yet we are not born as the knowledgeable,we must develop ourselves along with our studies without any pause. People succeed not merely because of one or more certain skills and you will never know which one you had studied may be used in your afterward work. So everything we get from any kinds of studies is could be useful in our daily lives. As my grandmother always told me,one more skill,one more chance.（可以加个例子, not only theories）（ilovesherry，发现没有，其实你真正想说的道理放在了段落的最后，开始都是反方的论点，这种写法并不太符合老美的口味，反过来说就好了）

Furthermore,difficult classes can help students to build their self-confidence and develop abilities to solve and tackle the issues they face in social life,daily studying or science research. Frist First of all （这个first of all 有必要吗? 有secondly吗？）, if one can accept the challenge what the difficult class bring to him and finally overcome it,he may easily obtain the courage and self-confidence at next time when he face with another harder one. Just as the perverb said by the famous climber who conquered the highest mountain in the world---because it is there. （这句话再构思一下，没有谓语）The initial movement of accepting that difficult class maybe just the impulse of taking challenge and then the other benefits come along.（这句话有persuasive的作用吗？）

In fact, we call those classes the hard ones only because they are more logical,involved with words and definations which are difficult to be understood, or their content will take too much time to be memorised. On the other hand,those can become wonderful experience after we have the classes. When someday you reallize how full of logic logical your analyzation analysis is and how knowledgeable you are,you will know it is the profit from that you had choose the difficult classes. （最后一段比较有文采，建议其中的论述部分可以另辟一段，作为分论点三，之后一定要再加一个总结，让读者再次认同你的观点）

小评：
1.
文章中规中矩，思路清楚，例证不足。
2.
建议写作以前先列一个小提纲，就不会出现临时再想加一点的冲动。

ilovesherryUID: 2592030

谢谢两位~受益良多~
我其实有写提纲的，可是提纲里很简单没有细节安排，下次写的时候我注意。
我可能有些写作上的不好习惯，加些so啊什么的，下次会注意的~
还有，想请教二位，怎么才能缩短写作时间呢？

angeloolUID: 166036

加一个timer吧，我发一下，在toefl版里，很好用的。:)

angeloolUID: 166036

哦？发不了，传不了附件，你有空上QQ找我要把。

ilovesherryUID: 2592030

6# angelool
今天刚刚看了回复~我有一个计时器~只是一加计时器写就紧张，一直没怎么用过……下次用上它~
谢谢~