4-6月TOEFL dark-tournament 第5次作业 liurui8802

liurui8802UID: 2595045

Modern technology have long boasted for the convenience it brings us.The ultimate goal of innovation is to make human's life more enjoyable and meaningful.However,beneath the seemingly ease and comfort, lies some untold problems. Our lives, to some extent, have been more complicated with the help of modern technology.Here we will examine some aspects of those problems.

First of all,sorting out information becomes more time-consuming than ever before. Internet has turned the world into a library,and answers to your questions, the clothes in fashion, destination for vacation are just a few clicks away.You are glad to find that there are so many to choose from at the first glance,yet you soon find yourself overwhelmed by them.Moreover, most of the time you find nothing useful among those seemingly abundant choices.For example,you want to find some recipes for your birthday party,with a click, on the screen pops out thousands of ads of "best dishes for birthday party---just came to our restaurant!" It is said that we are entering an age of information, but who can guarantee that it is not an age of junk information?

Additionally, technology may deprive us of some pleasure with traditional tools.Many people enjoy the pleasure of holding a book and absorbing the essence hiding between lines.Unfortunately, this kind of enjoyment may be lost in several decades.Some companies have come out with e-books, which, as they claim, will not only save us of carrying books everywhere we go,but also cut the demand on paper.But they may not understand what an intimate relation books have with their owners.Flipping through pages gives you the impression that the insightful author is talking to you, carrying your favourite book with you is another way of finding a new friend , writing on the blank pages allows you to feel a kind of success.Without them,what fun will we have staring at those characters on the screen?Life would be harder and more complicated without these simple happiness.

Undoubtedly, technology has brought us a more easier way to live.However, we may also encounter some problems and miss those old pastime.We live for the happiness, pleasure,not just for convenience.



Word count:354

liurui8802UID: 2595045

感觉不太好啊

angeloolUID: 166036

写得真有诗意啊！不管怎样，读起来都是一种享受。

one0509UID: 2598085

Modern technology have(has) long boasted for the convenience it brings us. The ultimate goal of innovation is to make human's life more enjoyable and meaningful. However, beneath the seemingly ease and comfort, lies some untold problems. Our lives, to some extent, have been more complicated with the help of modern technology. Here we will examine some aspects of those problems.
开头写的挺好的，句式词汇都很丰富
First of all, （可以用to start with之类的，不要用 FIRST）sorting out information becomes more time-consuming than ever before. Internet has turned the world into a library, and answers to your questions,(like) the clothes in fashion, destination for vacation are just a few clicks away. You are glad to find that there are so many to choose from at the first glance, yet you soon find yourself overwhelmed by them. Moreover, most of the time you find nothing useful among those seemingly abundant choices. For example, you want to find some recipes for your birthday party, with a click, on the screen pops out thousands of ads of "best dishes for birthday party---just came to our restaurant!" It is said that we are entering an age of information, but who can guarantee that it is not an age of junk information?
展开和例子都不错，但是我觉得好像和你的分论点扣的不是很紧，最好在末尾能够再说一下筛选出有用的信息是如何的time consume和complicated。你不说的话，就感觉像是桥只修了一半。2 q/ l: t4 |9 b& U% k! ?

Additionally, technology may deprive us of some pleasure with traditional tools. Many people enjoy the pleasure of holding a book and absorbing the essence hiding between lines. Unfortunately, this kind of enjoyment may be lost in several decades. Some companies have come out with e-books, which, as they claim, will not only save us of carrying books everywhere we go, but also cut the demand on paper. But they may not understand what an intimate relation books have with their owners.（用between books and their owners会更顺畅一点） Flipping（这个词好像有点问题直接用 going好像比较地道，或者是我见识不够） through pages gives you the impression that the insightful author is talking to you, carrying your favourite book with you is another way of finding a new friend,（and三个分句之间要有连词） writing on the blank pages allows you to feel a kind of success. Without them, what fun will we have staring at those characters on the screen? Life would be harder and more complicated without these simple happiness.
感觉这段对complicated的论述不是很到位，更像是在说less happiness。我觉得可以转换一下表达，比如说note-taking变得不方便了，还要开电脑之类的。,
Undoubtedly, technology has brought us a more easier way to live. However, we may also encounter some problems and miss those old pastime（s）. We live for the happiness, pleasure, not just for convenience.
最好一段写的太简单了一点，不够有力。而且给人有一种偏题的感觉。要论述的是complicate，感觉你的意思是我们的生活没有complicate，我们unhappy的原因反而是convience。
觉得你的结构和句式词汇都不错，功底很深~~膜拜一下~~
但是就是论述的时候有些偏题的感觉。不知道是不是我审题的问题。共同探讨哈！.

liurui8802UID: 2595045

非常感谢！这篇文章我写完也感觉自己的论述有点问题，特别是第三段好像就有点偏了。你提的建议很好，我会改正以后再发上来的。

hxxue15UID: 2603277

Modern technology（technologies） have（has） long boasted for the convenience it brings us. The ultimate goal of innovation is to make human's life more enjoyable and meaningful. However, beneath the seemingly ease and comfort, lies some untold problems. Our lives, to some extent, have been more complicated with the help of modern technology. Here we will examine some aspects of those problems.) H) u9 y7 g2 I# } 8 q" ` m$ Q2 u# f2 \9 F First of all, sorting out information becomes more time-consuming than ever before. Internet has turned the world into a library, and answers to your questions, the clothes in fashion, destination for vacation are just a few clicks away.(句子有点混乱哈)You are glad to find that there are so many（ways） to choose from at the first glance,yet you soon find yourself overwhelmed by them.Moreover, most of the time you find nothing useful among those seemingly abundant choices.For example,you want to find some recipes for your birthday party,with a click, on the screen pops out thousands of ads of "best dishes for birthday party---just came to our restaurant!" It is said that we are entering an age of information, but who can guarantee that it is not an age of junk information?) ?% d4 i6 h/ d Additionally, technology may deprive us of some pleasure with traditional tools.Many people enjoy the pleasure of holding a book and absorbing the essence hiding between lines.Unfortunately, this kind of enjoyment may be lost in several decades.Some companies have come out with e-books, which, as they claim, will not only save us of carrying books everywhere we go,but also cut the demand on paper.But they may not understand what an intimate relation books have with their owners.Flipping through pages gives you the impression that the insightful author is talking to you, carrying your favourite book with you is another way of finding a new friend , writing on the blank pages allows you to feel a kind of success.Without them,what fun will we have staring at those characters on the screen?Life would be harder and more complicated without these simple happiness. Undoubtedly, technology has brought us a more easier way to live.However, we may also encounter some problems and miss those old pastime.We live for the happiness, pleasure,not just for convenience.6 r. E- R! Q; Z2 {5 w a- j 个人觉得文章有些混乱哈，对于题目科技使我们的生活更容易还是复杂，应该首先明确自己的观点，在此基础上围绕中心观点阐述，比如对于我们的生活如何，而不是科技对于快乐和幸福感怎样怎样。另：结尾应写的再精彩。