TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组 hxxue15第五次作业

hxxue15UID: 2603277

【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组第五次作业】
字数统计：210，时间：50min
Generally speaking, technology is a tool for humanity. The purpose of people who invent it is to make people’s lives more convenient, not complicated. There is no doubt that people have utilized technology to improve their living conditions and solve serious problems.

Countless facts may well justify my arguments. According to the internet, we could buy everything we like, communicate with everyone in the world and so on. Meanwhile, with the help of technology we could save millions of lives by developing cures and treatments for diseases.

Everything has its two faces. Technology has also make mankind’s lives become complicated. For instance, the growing nuclear weapons have been able to threaten human’s lives. As a result, each country can’t trust others that make themselves get into troubles. In addition, it is said that internet makes people communicate simpler. However, some people argue that it makes communication between people less personal.

However, while the technology may bring about some contemporary problems, the development of technology is indispensable. No one could stop history’s steps. Also, many other things present problems only technology can solve. Consequently, I believe that technology is benefit for our lives, we can’t live without it.

one0509UID: 2598085

首先字数不太够，给人的第一印象就不太好啊。要想办法加字数Generally speaking, technology is a tool for humanity（改成when it comes to technology, we human beings always regard it as a tool.字数不就多了一点点）. The purpose of people who invent it(指代不明，科技是不能被发明的。可以说people who contribute to technology) is to make people’s lives more convenient, not complicated. There is no doubt that people have utilized technology to improve their living conditions and solve serious problems.
看了全文才知道你的观点是什么。托福作文最好在第一段就把你的观点给说明了。你是agree还是disagree。
Countless facts may well justify my arguments. According to the internet, we could buy everything we like, communicate with everyone in the world and so on. Meanwhile, with the help of technology we could save millions of lives by developing cures and treatments for diseases.
Everything has its two faces. (地道的说法是every coin has two sides)Technology has also make mankind’s lives become complicated. For instance, the growing nuclear weapons have been able to（把be able to 去掉） threaten human’s lives. As a result, each country can’t trust others that make themselves get into troubles. In addition, it is said（it is said 的意思是据说，这里可以去掉吧） that internet makes people communicate simpler. However, some people argue that it makes communication between people less personal.这里可以加例子，不如聊天记录的外泄，隐私被侵犯带来的麻烦
其实这段可以拆成两端，讲两个观点。这样结构更好，而且字数也上去了
1、        科技使是国防变得更加复杂
2、        科技使人们保护隐私变得更加复杂
However, while(应该是although) the technology may bring about some contemporary（应该是 temporary） problems, the development of technology is indispensable. No one could stop history’s steps. Also, many other things present problems only technology can solve. Consequently, I believe that technology is benefit for our lives, we can’t live without it.

tanyangbjUID: 2601443

Generally speaking, technology is a tool for humanity. The purpose of people who invent it is to make people’s lives more convenient, not complicated. There is no doubt that people have utilized technology to improve their living conditions and solve serious problems./ J  J, i5 H* Countless facts may well justify my arguments. According to the internet, we could buy everything we like, communicate with everyone（改为others,以为与前面重复） in the world and so on. In the Meanwhile, with the help of technology， we could save millions of lives by developing cures and treatments for diseases. 应该写成：we could not prolong the people’s life without the development of the technology in treating and curing.
Everything has its(删) two faces. Without a case, Technology also has make mankind’s (human) lives become(删) complicate. For instance, the growing nuclear weapons have been able to(删了) threaten human’s（删） lives. As a result, each country can’t trust others that make themselves get into troubles(what is meaning). In addition, it is said that internet makes people communicate simpler. However, some people argue that it makes communication between people less personal. However, while the technology may bring about some contemporary problems, the development of technology is indispensable. No one could stop history’s steps. Also, many other things present problems only technology can solve.(what is meaning) Consequently, I believe that technology is benefit for our lives, we can’t live without it.

看的时候发现主旨不明确，要同意就完全同意，在分几个理由展开说明为什么同意。或者写为什么不同意，写法跟上面一样。你这样写我也不知道你是同意还是不同意，还是偏重哪一个。希望写作能有个重点。