TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组 偷闲透气 第六次作业

偷闲透气UID: 2148172

Do you agree or disagree that the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.

Because of the policy of development and reformation initiated by Chinese government, Chinese people become wealthy than before. Nowadays, when people have spare time, they might choose to travel abroad to see outside world. Some of them might choose travel alone, and they think traveling alone might makes them have some adventure spirits, and they are free to go anywhere they want. However, in my opinion, I would like to be led by an experienced tour guide and with a group with people. Because is in this way, I can save a lot of time and will not feel alone.

First, a tour guide always has more experiences than me when traveling a place I have never been there before. For example, as a tour guide, he or she definitely knows in which places are deserved to visit, or which travel route is the best route for us to go. Then, I can save a lot of time to find places when traveling in an unfamiliar place, and I do no need to do too many researches before traveling neither. Because I think a tour guide will help me arrange all necessary things if I pay money to him. I still remember last year, when my friend and I decided to travel in Thailand. Because it was my first time to travel in Thailand, so I decided to use a tour guide. However, my friend chose to travel by himself. He did many "homework" before traveling, and spent a lot of time to find places where he could visit or live in Thailand. So, when I enjoyed a massage service in a five-star hotel arranged by my tour guide, he was on his way to seek a shelter from the rain。

Second, I will not feel alone when I travel with a group of people and led by a tour guide. We know that sometimes when we travel in a new place we have never been there before, we are easy to feel uncomfortable, even get a sick. Please imagine if you are sick in a completely unfamiliar place and there is no person who know you and can communicate with you by using your language. How sadly you are! How lonely you might feel! But, if you are with a group of people and a tour guide, your lonely situation will be alleviated, because there are a group of people around you, and some of them might take care of you. You can tell them how uncomfortable you feel, then, some of these people or your tour guide, who can understand the local language, may help you to buy some medicine in a local pharmacy.

From what I mentioned above, combining the benefits with a tour guide and a group of people, I believe that you might agree with my opinion, which is that the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.

lewinskyUID: 2479218

Because of the policy of development and reformation initiated by Chinese government, Chinese people become wealthy than before（第一句可删掉，与你后面的衔接不上）. Nowadays（用currently替代比较好）, when people have spare time, they might choose to travel abroad（abroad可删掉，纯粹是travel) to see outside world(Currently, a myriad of people tend to travel in their spare time). Some of them might choose travel alone, (后面直接连成一句 Some of them, in the belief that traveling alone is filled with adventure spirits, are more likely to travel without company)and they think traveling alone might makes them have some adventure spirits, and they are free to go anywhere they want. However, in my opinion, I would like to be led by an experienced tour guide and with a group with people(From my personal perspective, however, i would like to make a tour in group led by an experienced tour guide). Because is in this way, I can save a lot of time and will not feel alone(你想表达感觉寂寞alone形容词只做表语 单独的，唯一的意思 feel lonely. 最后一句的原因可以直接作为下面段落的主体句）.) `) y; I! k4 e4 G

First(Firstly,Initially都比较好), a tour guide always has more experiences than me（myself) when traveling a place I have never been there before. For example(后面好像没有举例吧，仍然是说理论证，删掉）, as a tour guide, he or she definitely knows in which places（visit后不接in 直接which places are deserved to visit) are deserved to visit, or which travel(traveling) route is the best route for us to go. Then, I can save a lot of time to find places when traveling in an unfamiliar place, and I do no need to do too(删掉too） many researches before traveling neither. Because I think a tour guide will help me arrange all necessary things if I pay money to him（上面说理有点乱，先是导游优点，我的好处，又因为导游优点，纠结了，呵呵，As a tour guide,who direct travelers to places where are deserved to visit as well as best traveling routes, bears responsibility for arranging everything due to paid-up business). I still remember last year,(For instance,) when my friend and I decided to travel in Thailand(seperately). Because it was my first time to travel in Thailand, so I decided to use a tour guide. However, my friend chose to travel by himself. He did many "homework" before traveling, and spent a lot of time to find places where he could visit or live in Thailand. So, when I enjoyed a massage service in a five-star hotel arranged by my tour guide, he was on his way to seek a shelter from the rain(例子可以稍微精简一点，不细说了）。5 L) o/ v* p8 Y4 @, S

Second(secondly,In addition etc.), I will not feel alone（lonely) when I travel with a group of people and led by a tour guide（Traveling in group led by a tour guide managed to assuage self-loneliness). We know that sometimes when we travel in a new place we have never been there before, we are easy to feel uncomfortable, even get a sick(All to often we observe that those who feel uncomfortable or even get ill as a result of moving to a new place which they have never been there before). （Here is a realistic portrait of two different means of traveling. Suppose you are sick in ...)Please imagine if you are sick in a completely unfamiliar place and there is no person who know you and can communicate with you by using your language. How sadly you are! How lonely you might feel! But(On the contrary), if you are with a group of people and a tour guide, your lonely situation will be alleviated, because there are a group of people around you, and some of them might take care of you. You can tell them how uncomfortable you feel, then, some of these people or your tour guide, who can understand the local language, may help you to buy some medicine in a local pharmacy.(例子还可以简明一点）

From what I mentioned above, combining the benefits with a tour guide and a group of people, I believe that you might agree with my opinion, which is that the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.

偷闲透气UID: 2148172

谢谢！！改的非常好！非常有帮助。对于VISIT， 我看见词霸上有用visit in that city? 这里为什么要用In呢
很佩服你的语言！

angelmuziflyerUID: 2548676

Because of the policy of development and reformation initiated by Chinese government, Chinese people become wealthy（后面既然是than了，用比较级吧） than before. Nowadays, when people have spare time, they might choose to travel abroad to see outside world.（感觉这句不是很地道，老外可能看不懂） Some of them might choose travel alone（太可怜了吧，alone?呵呵，你想说的是self-service travle吧）, and they think traveling alone might makes them have some adventure spirits, and they are free to go anywhere they want. However, in my opinion, I would like to be led by an experienced tour guide and with a group with people（这个删了吧）. Because is（删掉） in this way, I can save a lot of time and will not feel alone.
First, a tour guide always has more experiences than me when traveling （加to）a place(加where) I have never been there before. For example, as a tour guide, he or she definitely knows in (删掉)which places （he/she）are deserved to visit, or which travel route is the best route (删掉)for us to go（删掉）. Then, I can save a lot of time to find places when traveling in an unfamiliar place, and I do no need to do too many researches before traveling neither. Because I think（除非万不得已，不要用think） a tour guide will help me arrange all necessary things if I pay money to him. I still remember last year, when my friend and I decided to travel in Thailand. Because it was my first time to travel in Thailand, so I decided to use (这个词太不地道了，换成employ或者hire都要好一些吧)a tour guide. However, my friend chose to travel by himself. He did many "homework"（这个用的不错） before traveling, and spent a lot of time to find places where he could visit or live in Thailand. So, when I enjoyed a massage service in a five-star hotel arranged by my tour guide, he was on his way to seek a shelter from the rain。（有具体的例子很好）
Second, I will not feel alone when I travel with a group of people and led by a tour guide. We know that sometimes when we travel in a new place we have never been there before, we are easy to feel uncomfortable, even get a sick. Please imagine if you are sick in a completely unfamiliar place and there is no person who know you and can communicate with you by using your language（建议，在一篇文章中最好不要三种人称同时出现，最多两种，最好不要用第二人称）. How sadly you are! How lonely you might feel! But, if you are with a group of people and a tour guide, your lonely situation will be alleviated, because there are a group of people around you, and some of them might take care of you. You can tell them how uncomfortable you feel, then, some of these people or your tour guide, who can understand the local language, may help you to buy some medicine in a local pharmacy.
: cFrom what I mentioned above, combining the benefits with a tour guide and a group of people, I believe that you might agree with my opinion, which is that 去掉the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.
总评：
语法错误有点多哦，看得出尽量想使句子复杂化，但是复杂的同时逻辑也要连贯，读起来要通顺才行，加油