[TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组 rainbowstarwqc 第6次作业]

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide

disagree

It is a travelling age. People are getting more and more enthusiastic on travelling that over millions of tourists are on their way of visiting somewhere every sceond. As a result, travel agencies are springing out like bamboo saplings in the market. They advocate that they will provide you with the best journey ever, which attracting cluster of people attending package tour. However, is this the best way to travel? Propperly not! Convenient though it is, according to the official stastics, over half of members of package did not satisfy with their tirps for various reasons, such as too much commercial time, poor guidence and intensive schedule, which may ruin our mood on travelling.

In the first place, package tour has its own advantages , for instance, convenience. Haunted by piles of works, People nowadays have little time preparing for their trips. Those agencies arrange everything for them in the first hand, inculding plans, hotels, resturants, even the companions! It will save much time for we customers: we do not have to modify our plan time by time,book the rooms ourselves and check the information online as we used to , what we have to do left is packing up and go to the agency. Aside from this mean, pacage tour has many other feathers that are fasinating to modern people, new friend, guidence, just to name a few.

Notwithstanding, considerable though the advantages that package tour enjoys are, they can not overcome drawbacks it may brings about, when commercials and schedule are taken into consideration. Firstly let us get down to the fundermentals and find out what are we seeking after in a tour. And I believe that 50 percent of us will choose fun and relaxation in the top of lists. Sadly, I deem it impossible to realize our wishes, for there are too much commercials invovled in. Assuming that I am going to HongKong for sightseeing, and I attended a group leading by a guide. Ironically , soon will I find that take reference to my schedule,
i am not going to my destination directly but to several adjacent places which I have no interest at all! What is more, we will be forced to shopping in the local shops who have made deal with our guide . In this way, nothing would left in my memory but wandering in those shops!

Aside from those dirty commercials, to some extent, package tour displease every member inside the group for different taste. As we all know, our trip is not planned by ourselves but our guides, who are not familiar with our personal demandings. For examples, a travelling group may include both elders and youngesters, they have different perspectives toward this trip. Needless to say, both of them have to obey to the schedule, or quit instantly. Consequently, none of members would content with their trips.

Overall, I doubt that package tour is not the best way to travelling, although it may have its own edges(convenience, etc), comparing with its shortcomings, such as commercials and individual tastes, is not an ideal way of taking trips.

写的有点太多了，没有计时，请大家猛拍！

jessie2107UID: 2447940

agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide
disagree

It is a travelling age. People are getting more and more enthusiastic on travelling that（我觉得此处语法有点问题 ，建议去掉that, 改成to illustrate）over millions of tourists are on their way of visiting somewhere every sceond. As a result, travel agencies are springing out like bamboo saplings in the market. They advocate that they will provide you with the best journey ever, which attracting cluster( clusters) of people attending package tour. However, is this the best way to travel? Propperly not! Convenient though it is, according to the official stastics, over half of members of package did not satisfy with their tirps for various reasons, such as too much commercial time, poor guidence and intensive schedule, which may ruin our mood on travelling.(挺好的第一段，MM/GG？ 英语很好的样子~但是可以简单些~如果时间考场不够的话，建议精简2，3，4，或简单提出观点，将此段后部分关于旅行社不好的地方扩充单独成为一段）

In the first place, package tour has its own advantages , for instance, convenience. Haunted by piles of works, People nowadays have little time preparing for their trips. Those agencies arrange everything for them in the first hand, inculding plans, hotels, resturants, even the companions! It will save much time for we customers: we do not have to modify our plan time by time,book the rooms ourselves and check the information online as we used to , （thus 建议添加类似连词以增加文章的逻辑感）what we have to do left is packing up and go（going） to the agency. Aside from this mean, pacage tour has many other feathers that are fasinating to modern people, new friend, guidence, just to name a few.

Notwithstanding, considerable（-ly) though（thinking about) the advantages that package tour enjoys are, they can not overcome drawbacks it may brings about, when commercials and schedule are taken into consideration. Firstly let us get down to the fundermentals and find out what are we seeking after in a tour.(无实际意义，可删） And I believe that 50 percent of us will choose fun and relaxation in（as) the top of lists. Sadly, I deem it impossible to realize our wishes, for there are too much commercials invovled in. Assuming that I am going to HongKong for sightseeing, and I attended a group leading by a guide. Ironically , soon will I find that take reference to my schedule, i am not going to my destination directly but to several adjacent places which I have no interest at all! What is more, we will be forced to shopping in the local shops who have made deal with our guide . In this way, nothing would left in my memory but wandering in those shops!

Aside from those dirty commercials, to some extent, package tour displease every member inside the group for different taste. As we all know, our trip is not planned by ourselves but our guides, who are not familiar with our personal demandings. For examples, a travelling group may include both elders and youngesters, they have different perspectives toward this trip. Needless to say, both of them have to obey to the schedule, or quit instantly. Consequently, none of members would content with their trips.


Overall, I doubt that package tour is not the best way to travelling, (due to) although it may have its own edges(convenience, etc)(这个形式的举例似乎不应该出现在正式文章中）, comparing with its shortcomings, such as commercials and individual tastes, (it/tavel in group led by guide 此处缺主语）is not an ideal way of taking trips.


LZ的英语功底比较好，思维也很发散，但是可能因为想写的东西太多导致语言略显啰嗦。因为文章偏长的地关系，建议LZ忍痛删去一些漂亮但是对文章主题没有实际意义的句子。另外，第二段关于旅行社好处的描述在时间紧张的的情况下可以一笔带过。另外注意一些细节的语法，多加入一些逻辑连接词会更好些~

因为是以前几乎没有给人改过作文所以意见肯定不怎么专业，望你见谅~相信LZ的文章精简之后会更好的~
加油吧！

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

2# jessie2107


谢谢斧正！这篇是没有计时的情况下写的，所以写的偏多了，真正的情况肯定写不了那么多，恩，功底好不敢当，如您所述，的确有点累赘，语法上也不尽人意，还有很多要改进的地方，还请多指教啊，呵呵

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

2# jessie2107


谢谢斧正！这篇是没有计时的情况下写的，所以写的偏多了，真正的情况肯定写不了那么多，恩，功底好不敢当，如您所述，的确有点累赘，语法上也不尽人意，还有很多要改进的地方，还请多指教啊，呵呵

duduyan11UID: 2591951

agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide

disagree

It is a travelling age. People are getting more and more enthusiastic on travelling that over millions of tourists are on their way of visiting somewhere every sceond. As a result, travel agencies are springing out like bamboo saplings in the market. They advocate that they will provide you with the best journey ever, which attracting cluster of people attending package tour. However, is this the best way to travel? Propperly（打错了） not! Convenient though it is, according to the official stastics (statistic), over half of members of package did not satisfy with their tirps for various reasons, such as too much commercial time, poor guidence （guide也有名词性） and intensive schedule, which may ruin our mood on travelling.

In the first place, package tour has its own advantages , for instance, convenience. Haunted by piles of works, People nowadays have little time preparing for their trips. Those agencies arrange everything for them in the first hand, inculding plans, hotels, resturants (restaurant), even the companions! It will save much time for we customers: we do not have to modify our plan time by time,book the rooms ourselves and check the information online as we used to , what we have to do left is packing up and go to the agency. Aside from this mean, pacage tour has many other feathers that are fasinating (fascinating) to modern people, new friend, guidence（没有这个词吧）, just to name a few.

Notwithstanding, considerable though the advantages that package tour enjoys are, they can not overcome drawbacks it may brings about, when commercials and schedule are taken into consideration. Firstly let us get down to the fundermentals (fundamentals) and find out what are we( we are ) seeking after in a tour. And I believe that 50 percent of us will choose fun and relaxation in the top of lists. Sadly, I deem it impossible to realize our wishes, for there are too much commercials invovled (involeved) in. Assuming that I am going to HongKong for sightseeing, and I attended a group leading by a guide. Ironically , soon will I find that take reference to my schedule,i am not going to my destination directly but to several adjacent places which I have no interest at all! What is more, we will be forced to shopping in the local shops who have made deal with our guide . In this way, nothing would left in my memory but wandering in those shops!

Aside from those dirty commercials, to some extent, package tour displease every member inside the group for different taste. As we all know, our trip is not planned by ourselves but our guides, who are not familiar with our personal demandings. For examples (example), a travelling group may include both elders and youngesters, they have different perspectives toward this trip. Needless to say, both of them have to obey to the schedule, or quit instantly. Consequently, none of members would content with their trips.

Overall, I doubt that package tour is not the best way to travelling, although it may have its own edges(convenience, etc), comparing with its shortcomings, such as commercials and individual tastes, is not an ideal way of taking trips.

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