[TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组 beyondarchi 第7次作业]

neozhongnlUID: 2448721

Do you agree with the following statement: nowadays people spend too much time on personal enjoyment –things they like to do—rather than the things they should do.

I generally agree with the saying that people are spending too much time one personal enjoyment rather than the things they should do. In my opinion, people in modern times are actually spending more than simply time, but their fortune as well, to an absurd degree that leads to many social problems.

To better observe this issue, we should look back into history. In my view, it was only after the time of industrialization that we humans have been able to accumulate enormous amount of material prosperity that was never been seen before. This great advancement in human civilization benefit hundreds of millions of lives in offering them with a life quality that could never be imaged of. But pretty soon, humans seem to be lost in this vast see of material prosperity that they created and their desire for namely everything becomes simply out of control. This is especially true in recent era when the ever-lasting advancement of technology greatly push forward human prosperity to a new frontier. Nowadays, many people are actually driven by no reason at all to the pursuit of the latest technology outcome. They have to buy the latest mode of cell phones, the latest fashion of computer, the newest cars, so on and so forth. It should be noted that the pursuit of all these latest fashions which is aimed at satisfying humans’ increasing desire not only cost us a great fortune, but also takes us great amount of time which we actually could make use of to do things more meaningful.

My observation tells me that, humans are in fact spending their time and money on unnecessary self enjoyment to an absurd degree that already caused many social problems. Try to think about it that if we were not so blindly seduced to buy all those unnecessary things with our credit cards, if we did not spend our money of tomorrow only to satisfy today’s desire, if we could have a wiser perspective to manage our time and fortune. The current global financial crises actually could not take place. We have to pay for the wrongs we’ve done, so in this sense the current financial crises is indeed a great lesson for us that everyone should learn from it to adjust the way we spent our time and money. Otherwise a more painful lesson might be still yet to come.

Still another thing I want to point out is that even in nowadays, there still many lives on the earth could not enjoy the material prosperity that we’ve achieved, Hunger and lack of drinkable water still threatens millions of lives in less developed countries. Under such circumstance, the time and money we spend to those unnecessary self enjoyment, to the satisfactory of our desires simply seems like insult to the humanity if we could always remind ourselves of those how need help and where our money and time could be better spent.

To conclude, we’ve paid a costly and bitter lesson for our unnecessary spending of time and fortune only in the pursuit of self enjoyment. It is time that we need to change the way we look at and make use of the material prosperity that we achieved, and to seek a balanced development for our entire human race.

prunellaUID: 2548210

感觉逻辑有偏差
things like to do&things should do的对立被曲解成 things unnecessary&things necessary
以及，spend time 和spend fortune 其实是完全不同的概念，关系交代并不明确。

其实或者就是立意有问题。爱做事与应做事，或者从个体责任感的角度出发会更清晰点。
小错误不少。
加油啦同学。

mimicaUID: 2457275

I generally agree with the saying that people are spending too much time one personal enjoyment rather than the things they should do. In my opinion, people in modern times are actually spending more than simply time, but their fortune as well, to an absurd degree that leads to many social problems.6 I# j& f. h( g  h
( E5 V9 H+ _% m" s; n; s( |
To better observe this issue, we should look back into history. In my view, it was only after the time of industrialization that we humans have been able to accumulate enormous amount of material prosperity that was never been seen before.(前后时态) This great advancement in human civilization benefit hundreds of millions of lives in offering them with a life quality that could never be imaged of. But pretty soon, humans seem to be lost in this vast see of material prosperity that they created and their desire for namely everything becomes simply out of control. This is especially true in recent era when the ever-lasting advancement of technology greatly push forward human prosperity to a new frontier. Nowadays, many people are actually driven by no reason at all to the pursuit of the latest technology outcome. They have to buy the latest mode of cell phones, the latest fashion of computer, the newest cars, so on and so forth. It should be noted that the pursuit of all these latest fashions which is aimed at satisfying humans’ increasing desire not only cost us a great fortune, but also takes us great amount of time which we actually could make use of to do things more meaningful.（这一段只有最后一句点到了和time的关系，不够充分。）
My observation tells me that, humans are in fact spending their time and money on unnecessary self enjoyment to an absurd degree that already caused many social problems. Try to think about it that if we were not so blindly seduced to buy all those unnecessary things with our credit cards, if we did not spend our money of tomorrow only to satisfy today’s desire, if we could have a wiser perspective to manage our time and fortune. The current global financial crises actually could not take place.（这种说法很牵强） We have to pay for the wrongs we’ve done, so in this sense the current financial crises is indeed a great lesson for us that everyone should learn from it to adjust the way we spent our time and money. Otherwise a more painful lesson might be still yet to come.
（这一段好像有点儿跑题了，成了现代人生活方式导致的问题，和时间没啥关系了。）

% Q  y2 c& l1 k
Still another thing I want to point out is that even in nowadays, there still many lives on the earth could not enjoy the material prosperity that we’ve achieved, Hunger and lack of drinkable water still threatens millions of lives in less developed countries. Under such circumstance, the time and money we spend to（on） those unnecessary self enjoyment, to the satisfactory(这个词是形容词吧) of our desires simply seems like insult to the humanity if we could always remind ourselves of those how need help and where our money and time could be better spent.

d5 Q- Y+ P$ p) k% ~
To conclude, we’ve paid a costly and bitter lesson for our unnecessary spending of time and fortune only in the pursuit of self enjoyment. It is time that we need to change the way we look at and make use of the material prosperity that we achieved, and to seek a balanced development for our entire human race.

总体感觉是跑题了，词语的用法比较灵活，有些句子有中国味儿。

lewinskyUID: 2479218

I generally agree with the saying(statement比较正式） that people are spending too much time one personal enjoyment rather than the things they should do. In my opinion, people in modern times（People in modern times, from my perspective,) are actually spending more than simply time, but their fortune as well, to an absurd degree that leads to many social problems.5 u2 n0 ^# j. I. A/ D
4 u- S/ \- d: v) V( m6 s; d

To better observe this issue, we should look back into history. In my view, it was only after the time of industrialization that we humans have been able to accumulate enormous amount of material prosperity that was never been seen before. This great advancement in human civilization benefit hundreds of millions of lives in offering them with a life quality that could never be imaged of. But pretty soon, humans seem to be lost in this vast see of material prosperity that they created and their desire for namely everything becomes simply out of control. This is especially true in recent era when the ever-lasting advancement of technology greatly push forward human prosperity to a new frontier. Nowadays, many people are actually driven by no reason at all to the pursuit of the latest technology outcome. They have to buy the latest mode of cell phones, the latest fashion of computer, the newest cars, so on and so forth. It should be noted that the pursuit of all these latest fashions which is aimed at satisfying humans’ increasing desire not only cost us a great fortune, but also takes us great amount of time which we actually could make use of to do things more meaningful.（你的主题是现在人们花了很多时间在个人喜好引起很多社会问题，后面应该展开讨论具体哪些问题吧,有些词和句子应该正式一点）

My observation tells me that, humans are in fact spending their time and money on unnecessary self enjoyment to an absurd degree that already caused many social problems. Try to think about it that if we were not so blindly seduced to buy all those unnecessary things with our credit cards, if we did not spend our money of tomorrow only to satisfy today’s desire, if we could have a wiser perspective to manage our time and fortune. The current global financial crises actually could not take place. We have to pay for the wrongs we’ve done, so in this sense the current financial crises is indeed a great lesson for us that everyone should learn from it to adjust the way we spent our time and money. Otherwise a more painful lesson might be still yet to come.（貌似没有充分论证你的选择） U# W$ O( t' s
, j. Z$ J0 g9 D, _0 |
Still another thing I want to point out is that even in nowadays, there still many lives on the earth could not enjoy the material prosperity that we’ve achieved, Hunger and lack of drinkable water still threatens millions of lives in less developed countries. Under such circumstance, the time and money we spend to those unnecessary self enjoyment, to the satisfactory of our desires simply seems like insult to the humanity if we could always remind ourselves of those how need help and where our money and time could be better spent.（这段也是在描述你认为如今很多不如意的现状，没有论证为什么你认为当代人把时间都花在personal enjoyment上）

To conclude, we’ve paid a costly and bitter lesson for our unnecessary spending of time and fortune only in the pursuit of self enjoyment. It is time that we need to change the way we look at and make use of the material prosperity that we achieved, and to seek a balanced development for our entire human race.