【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 angelool第七次作业】

angeloolUID: 166036

Do you agree with the following statement: nowadays people spend too much time on personal enjoyment –things they like to do—rather than the things they should do.

Most of the time, it is said that, is spent on individual enjoyment rather than the obligation- things they have to do. However, I don't hold the same opinion as the above one, because the pace of living is becoming faster and faster and the duty of life is also taking more spare time of people. In contrast, it is a luxury nowadays that one spends the time only by oneself and does whatever he wants to.

In many big cities, people don't own much free time any more due to countless tasks. Taking the "white collars" as an example, they maybe earn a huge of money and live in a fabulous house, but that is usually at the expense of giving all of their free time out to their careers, for otherwise they won't create enough profit for the company to show their value. What's worse, during the period for having a rest, rarely will they have the mood to enjoy their hobbies any longer since there are always tough appointment hanging above their heads.

For the people who always stay at home, such as housewives, it are also unreachable dreams to spare any time to cultivate their own interest or chatter with their best friends, because of the existence of various work to do at home, which makes them as busy as the ones having jobs. In the time of economy depression, they have to find jobs to support the family; when there were babies, they have to cook and wash for the offspring; when the old have illness, they have to pour heart and soul to take good care of their parents. It's really hard to imagine how they could have any their private time to have fun.

In conclusion, there really are some people abandoning all of their duties to enjoy every minute of life, which is ridiculous because they don't have the responsibilities for the society. However, most of common people now are suffering the problems of losing their individual time. The so called "responsibility" should never be a reason for calling on people to sacrifice all their spaces and time because without the enjoyment of leisure time, the life would become colourless and unimaginable.

371字
35分

水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

Most of the time, it is said that,（第一句用插入语，个人认为会给人句子不顺的感觉） is spent on individual enjoyment rather than the obligation- things they have to do(用被动语态不是太好). However, I don't hold the same opinion as the above one, because the pace of living（） is becoming faster and faster and the duty of life is also taking more spare time of people. In contrast, it is a luxury nowadays that one spends the time only by oneself and does whatever he wants to.(这一句的句式不顺，请再仔细斟酌，这个句子不是强调句，那么如果主句只是it is a luxury nowadays好像无法完整的表达作者的意图吧。)

In many big cities, people don't own much free time any more due to countless tasks. Taking the "white collars" as an example, they maybe earn a huge of money and live in a fabulous house, but that is usually at the expense of giving all of their free time out to their careers, for otherwise they won't create enough profit for the company to show their value. What's worse, during the period for having a rest, rarely will they have the mood to enjoy their hobbies any longer since there are always tough appointment(appointments) hanging above their heads.


For the people who always stay at home, such as housewives, it are（没有it are这种说法吧，句式需要改一下） also unreachable dreams to spare any time to cultivate their own interest or chatter with their best friends, because of the existence of various work to do at home, which makes them as busy as the ones having jobs. In the time（During the period ，没查到有in the time of 的用法） of economy depression, they have to find jobs to support the family; when there were babies, they have to cook and wash for the offspring; when the old have illness, they have to pour heart and soul to take good care of their parents. It's really hard to imagine how they could have any their private time to have fun.

In conclusion, there really are some people abandoning all of their duties to enjoy every minute of life, which is ridiculous because they don't have the responsibilities for the society（这一句的逻辑并不是太清晰，对于谁来讲没有responsibility,这个问题前文并没有提到，这里也没有解释清楚。）. However, most of common people now are suffering the problems of losing their individual time. The so called "responsibility" should never be a reason for calling on people to sacrifice all their spaces and time because without the enjoyment of leisure time, the life would become colourless and unimaginable.


1.文章整体的结构还可以，不过横向的结构，我个人认为最好能列出三个分论点。作者说明了白领和家庭主妇没有娱乐活动，如果能再阐述一个论点：比如所有的人都是如此，除了白领及家庭主妇，还有XX（在哪个领域，只要与白领与家庭主妇不同，比如farmer）也是如此。本身横向的就不及纵向思考的深度，如果广度上再没有的话，文章就比较单薄了。
2.句子的使用上还是需要多学些经典句子，本文中有些句子读起来有些费劲；词语的使用上再丰富一些就更好了。

LZ加油！