求助：作文修改稿，帮忙看看是否有所进步！

liurui8802UID: 2595045

The face of our earth has been greatly influenced by humans.Mountains once  bleak are turned into patches of fields for wheats;wild forests have been cut down and give way to super highways;seas near the beach are filled to allow more space for development.However, this prosperity,glorious as some people may claim, cost more than what we may imagine.The effects manifest in the destroy of the habitats of animals, which are granted the same rights of enjoying this planet.



It is our intelligence that gives us a head start in wining the war against the danger of nature.Compared to other animals, we are more agile, more alert, and therefore, adapt quickly to the fast changing environment.Thousands of years ago,people in Xinjiang have learnt to tunnel under earth to introduce water to dry places.These places,once hostile to any creature, were changed into oasis and nurtured splendid civilization.Animals, however, can only react to harsh changes by immigration,whether by flying thousands of distance or running through rivers and meadows. As our ability to get accustomed to environment and the intelligence to improve our condition are far superior to animals, we should take full use of our land instead of encroaching on the home of other animals.



Besides, humans always want to bend the nature to our will, regardless of the delicate relationship between different animals and their habitats,which, in turn is harmful to human's existance.For instance, European first coming to Australia wanted to take advantage of the great grass there to raise rabbits,so they killed all the wolves there.Within a few years,rabbits multiplied at an amazing speed as to make grass there extinct, which in turn endangered their existence.Settlers stood to lose all their investment.We should learn to respect the discipline of ecosystem in which aninals live, rather than mess up with their home as we wish.



Further more, we can learn a lot from our dear friends---animals. Scientists discovered a kind of herbal useful for disease by observing a species of monkeys which are endangered. They found that these clever creatures eat some kind of herbal when they are sick.After careful study and experiment, this herbal are of help to the same disease of human.



In conclusion, it is with animals we live on this lively planet, and it is in the mother of nature we build our temple of civilization. We are to respect them, and to live in harmony with them.

Word Count: 382
针对楼下的一些建议，我尝试做了一些修改，增加了每段的说理部分，强化例子和分论点的联系，并在每段结尾增加了反对观点的设想。希望高手帮忙看看是不是做到了说理透彻，论证较为严密。谢谢！
修改稿：
Agree or disagree?
It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals

Armed with modern technology and advanced knowledge, human have turned the once formidable nature into our backyard. We do what we want to exploit lands. Forests are wiped out to give way to farms, swamps are dried out to build cities. However, during our success over the perilous nature, we also intrude upon animals’ lands, which are essential to their existence. ‘we should grant our animal friends their right to enjoy the gifts land bestow upon his residents for following reasons.



Animals, as part of the ecosystem, constitute a beautiful feature of a place, of that special land. Through them, we get to know the climate, the environment there better. Savanna forests are great home to giraffes, their long and tall necks indicate the shift between rainy season and dry season during which they have to reach for the top leaves of trees. Their graceful necks give us a chance to observe the marvel of the nature: every feature they have is closely related to the environment shaping it. Thus, it is by observing these animals that we understand nature better. Taking land for our use and driving animals homeless, we will lose this remarkable, this surprising beauty of the land.



Animals contribute a lot in scientific studies, especially in medical research. Respecting their co-existence, we may benefit a lot. A scientist spent a long time observing some kind of monkeys. Every time a monkey feels sick, it will take a kind of herbal which as the scientist thought, helps to get rid of the disease. More careful studies are made, and this herbal turns out to be useful in curing the same disease of human’s. Had we used the land of the monkey, the scientist would never have the chance to make this discovery, not to mention the new drug.



Furthermore, animals have a close relationship with their immediate environment, Obviously, every little creature, no matter how obscure they may seem, is an indispensible part linking the cycle of nature as a whole. Our sudden invasion may break some critical link and bring ourselves disasters. Europeans first coming to Australia want to take advantage of the fine grass there to raise rabbits in large quantity. To protect them from wolves, they kill all wolves there. Rabbits multiplied amazingly so that grass they depend on are nearly eaten up, which, in turn endangered rabbits’ existence and cause heavy loss to investors.

In conclusion, it is with animals we live on this lively planet, and it is in the mother of nature we build our temple of civilization. We are to respect them, and to live in harmony with them.

angeloolUID: 166036

句句，呵呵

lewinskyUID: 2479218

The face of our earth has been greatly influenced by humans.Mountains once  bleak are turned into patches of fields for wheats;wild forests have been cut down and give way to super highways;seas near the beach are filled to allow more space for development.However, this prosperity,glorious as some people may claim, cost more than what we may imagine（at the expense of our environment which cost more than what we may imagine).The effects manifest in the destroy of the habitats of animals, which are granted the same rights of enjoying(protecting) this planet.9 J3 Y3 F7 m2 A0 W
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It is our intelligence that gives us a head start in wining(winning) the war against the danger of nature(主题句是想表达什么，use land or save land?).Compared to other animals, we are more agile, more alert, and therefore, adapt quickly to the fast changing(inconsistent) environment.Thousands of years ago,people in Xinjiang have learnt to tunnel under earth to introduce(draw,introduce好像只能用引进新技术吧） water to dry places.These places,once hostile to any creature, were changed（converted) into oasis and nurtured splendid civilization.Animals, however, can only react to harsh changes by immigration,whether by flying thousands of distance or running through rivers and meadows. As our ability to get accustomed to environment and (as well as)the intelligence to improve our condition are far superior to (that of)animals, we should take full use of our land instead of encroaching on the home of other animals.(你的观点是有保留的支持use land吗？） K  a  y7 O) E) j
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Besides, humans always want to bend the nature to our will, regardless of the delicate relationship between different animals and their habitats.For instance, European first coming to Australia wanted to take advantage of the great grass there to raise rabbits,so they killed all the wolves there.（Those who wanted to take advantage of the great grass of Australia to raise rabbits in large-scale, European businessman killed all the wolves there.)Within a few years,( the numbers of)rabbits multiplied at an amazing speed as to make grass there extinct(extinct形容草不合适吧）, which in turn endangered their existence（endangered the existence of rabbits and our human-being涉及人类，体现生态系统生物多样性的重要）.（Consequently,)We should learn to respect(comply with) the discipline of ecosystem, rather than mess up as what we wish.(怎么我感觉这段你的观点是save land? 那就不能用besides的递进关系连词吧）

Further more, we can learn a lot from our dear friends---animals. Scientists discovered a kind of herbal useful for disease by observing a species of monkeys which are endangered. They found that these clever creatures eat some kind of(such sort of) herbal when they are sick.After careful study(analysis) and experiment, this herbal are of help to the same disease of human(this herbal indeed contributed directly to human disease.该段的论点也是说动物的研究价值从而侧面体现save land吧？）.  h% s) A$ v! W! j( T1 n7 F

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In conclusion, it is with animals we live on this lively planet, and it is in the mother of nature we build our temple of civilization. We are to respect them, and to live in harmony with them.
层次应该更加清晰一点就好啦，呵呵！

liurui8802UID: 2595045

我觉得观点还是蛮清楚的吧 虽然第一段没有在开头说 但是结尾说了 我们应该利用自己的土地而不是侵占动物的家园，即不要去占用动物的土地啊
第二段就如你所说 因为人类开发动物所在的自然界没有尊重规律 所以会造成灾难 应该尊重自然界的自然规律保护自然和动物家园 而不是过度开发利用 和第一段是递进关系啊
第三段也如你所说
你的修改我很满意 有些词提出的疑问很好 当时写的时候确实没多想 但是有两个句子改的有问题 如果按照你改的话 句子主语缺失

lewinskyUID: 2479218

第一段你是说应该利用土地
第二段却又尊重自然，不该过度利用，两段是相反的论点啊。。。
All the wolves are killed by European businessman those who wanted to take advantage of the great grass of Australia to raise rabbits in large-scale. 怎么样？
还有哪句？

angelmuziflyerUID: 2548676

The face of our earth has been greatly influenced by humans.Mountains once  bleak（讨论下这个词的用法哈，荒凉的？以前荒山被装点了，不是好事么？） are turned into patches of fields for wheats;wild forests have been cut down and give way to super highways;seas near the beach are filled to allow more space for development.However, this prosperity,glorious（ly） as some people may claim, cost more than what we may imagine.The effects manifest (are manifested)in the destroy of the habitats of animals, which are granted the same rights of enjoying this planet.(不晓得是不是我水平有限，这句觉得很别扭)
It is our intelligence that gives us a head start in wining the war against the danger of nature.Compared to other animals, we are more agile, more alert, and therefore, adapt quickly to the fast changing environment.Thousands of years ago,people in Xinjiang have learnt to tunnel under earth to introduce water to dry places.These places,once hostile to any creature, were changed into oasis and nurtured splendid civilization.Animals, however, can only react to harsh changes by immigration,whether by flying thousands of distance or running through rivers and meadows. As our ability to get accustomed to environment and the intelligence to improve our condition are far superior to animals, we should take full use of our land instead of encroaching on the home of other animals.. S1 l0 T+ G- Q$ ]& y% g2 L4 ?
: O' C2 g" e7 A) [4 c

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Besides, humans always want to bend the nature to our will, regardless of the delicate relationship between different animals and their habitats.For instance, European first coming to Australia wanted to take advantage of the great grass there to raise rabbits,so they killed all the wolves there.Within a few years,rabbits multiplied at an amazing speed as to make grass there extinct, which in turn endangered their existence.We should learn to respect the discipline of ecosystem, rather than mess up as what we wish.% Q, @" v5 D4 y6 N8 x
$ P( y: X8 O! V7 ~1 z- n

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8 w. h$ A* r& x! r/ kFurther more, we can learn a lot from our dear friends---animals. Scientists discovered a kind of herbal useful for disease by observing a species of monkeys which are endangered. They found that these clever creatures eat some kind of herbal when they are sick.After careful study and experiment, this herbal are of help to the same disease of human.
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In conclusion, it is with animals we live on this lively planet, and it is in the mother of nature we build our temple of civilization. We are to respect them, and to live in harmony with them
还没改完，明天接着改

liurui8802UID: 2595045

请大家帮忙看看修改的怎么样