【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 angelool第八次作业】

angeloolUID: 166036

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.

The conflict between human's need for land and rare species' are becoming more and more severe because the resource of land is limited and the number of people is constantly growing up rapidly. There is a voice that it is more important to meet human need than to give spaces for animals which are in danger of extinction. However, I am against this idea due to following two reasons on considering the importance of animals which have the tendency to be extinct.

On one hand, each kind of the animal may be crucial for people's surviving when the human suffer disasters. Take smallpox as an example, there are thousands of people dying without any method that can bring them back when this disease explodes. Incidentally a physiologist found that the woman who worked in the milk factory rarely got this fatal disease and they finally discovered the truth behind is these workers had already had the same kind of disease spread by the milch cow, which are not deadly, and had been immune to the smallpox. Many people were saved due to this discovery and people are not afraid of this kind of illness any more. That's why we have to give enough space to animals, especially the endangered ones and one day they can save our lives.

On the other hand, animals which are in danger are also very important to scientific researches. People are trying to make the dinosaurs alive, which could be greatly helpful for us to study the environmental and biological systems at that time. That's not just only due to the curiosity but also crucial for the human. The green house effect, as nearly everyone knows, has become a global issue which, it is said that, has caused quite a huge of extreme terrible weather, such as hurricane, draught, flood and so on. Hardly could people take effective action until we find some clues in the endangered animals to show whether the climate change is the main reason for those phenomenons.

I have to admit that the reasonable need for land of human should be met at the same time, because we could never emphasize one side too much over the other. However, the spaces for the endangered species should be kept for the people's sake. In summary, I believes the animals in danger deserve the land in the first place.

34分
396字

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.
, t$ @/ K! j5 @* R# @
The conflict between human's need for land and rare species' are becoming more and more severe because the resource of land is limited and（yet）the number of people is constantly(increasingly) growing up. There is a voice that it is more important to meet human need than to give spaces for animals which are in danger of extinction. However, I am against this idea due to following two reasons on considering the importance of animals which (who)have the tendency to be extinct(这一段观点明确，但是表述显得累赘，还有，animal要用who).0 @- m' \  e0 U* W$ n

On one hand, each kind of the animal may（might） be crucial for people's surviving （lives）when the human （are）suffer （from）disasters. Take smallpox as an example, there are thousands （天花是狠牛鼻的，怎么才几千，是几十万millions）of people dying(die是没有进行时的) without any methods that can(could) bring them back when this disease explodes（bursted out）(现在天花已经被消灭，应该用过去时，过去的事). Incidentally a physiologist found that the woman（women） who worked in the milk factory rarely got this fatal disease and they finally discovered the truth behind（chinlish 不合适，secret lies in） is these workers had already had the same kind of disease spread by the milch cow, which are not deadly(that lethal ), and had been immune(immuned by) to the smallpox. Many people were saved (owing to)due to this discovery and people are not afraid of this kind of illness any more. That's why we have to give enough space to animals, especially the endangered ones and one day they can save our lives.(这一段用天花来当论据，说明动物对医疗的贡献，可是牛是珍惜动物麽？跑题了)

On the other hand, animals which are（which are去掉） in danger are also very important to scientific researches. People are trying to make the dinosaurs alive, which could be greatly helpful for us to study the environmental and biological systems at that time. That's not just only due to the curiosity but also crucial for the human. The green house effect, as nearly everyone knows, has become a global issue which, it is said that, has caused quite a huge of extreme terrible weather, such as hurricane, draught, flood and so on. Hardly could people take effective action until we find some clues in the endangered animals to show whether the climate change is the main reason for those phenomenon.（这里又说恐龙复活，温室效应，这些和濒临灭绝的动物有什么关系？） . g4 J/ g. q: a) r) u

I have to admit that the reasonable need（demand） for land of human should be met at the same time, because we could never emphasize one side too much over the other.（这里是典型的中式思维） However, the spaces for the endangered species should be kept for the people's sake. In summary, I believes the animals in danger deserve the land in the first place（最后一段强调了动物对人的重要性，却没有总结上面的分论点）.0 ~' Y9 t8 s6 o% p

1.文章写跑题了，注意加强审题
2.狠多词汇运用有误
3.文章略显累赘，不要太多重复

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.
, t$ @/ K! j5 @* R# @
The conflict between human's need for land and rare species' are becoming more and more severe because the resource of land is limited and（yet）the number of people is constantly(increasingly) growing up. There is a voice that it is more important to meet human need than to give spaces for animals which are in danger of extinction. However, I am against this idea due to following two reasons on considering the importance of animals which (who)have the tendency to be extinct(这一段观点明确，但是表述显得累赘，还有，animal要用who).0 @- m' \  e0 U* W$ n

On one hand, each kind of the animal may（might） be crucial for people's surviving （lives）when the human （are）suffer （from）disasters. Take smallpox as an example, there are thousands （天花是狠牛鼻的，怎么才几千，是几十万millions）of people dying(die是没有进行时的) without any methods that can(could) bring them back when this disease explodes（bursted out）(现在天花已经被消灭，应该用过去时，过去的事). Incidentally a physiologist found that the woman（women） who worked in the milk factory rarely got this fatal disease and they finally discovered the truth behind（chinlish 不合适，secret lies in） is these workers had already had the same kind of disease spread by the milch cow, which are not deadly(that lethal ), and had been immune(immuned by) to the smallpox. Many people were saved (owing to)due to this discovery and people are not afraid of this kind of illness any more. That's why we have to give enough space to animals, especially the endangered ones and one day they can save our lives.(这一段用天花来当论据，说明动物对医疗的贡献，可是牛是珍惜动物麽？跑题了)

On the other hand, animals which are（which are去掉） in danger are also very important to scientific researches. People are trying to make the dinosaurs alive, which could be greatly helpful for us to study the environmental and biological systems at that time. That's not just only due to the curiosity but also crucial for the human. The green house effect, as nearly everyone knows, has become a global issue which, it is said that, has caused quite a huge of extreme terrible weather, such as hurricane, draught, flood and so on. Hardly could people take effective action until we find some clues in the endangered animals to show whether the climate change is the main reason for those phenomenon.（这里又说恐龙复活，温室效应，这些和濒临灭绝的动物有什么关系？） . g4 J/ g. q: a) r) u

I have to admit that the reasonable need（demand） for land of human should be met at the same time, because we could never emphasize one side too much over the other.（这里是典型的中式思维） However, the spaces for the endangered species should be kept for the people's sake. In summary, I believes the animals in danger deserve the land in the first place（最后一段强调了动物对人的重要性，却没有总结上面的分论点）.0 ~' Y9 t8 s6 o% p

1.文章写跑题了，注意加强审题
2.狠多词汇运用有误
3.文章略显累赘，不要太多重复

水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

The conflict between human's need for land and rare species' are(is) becoming more and more severe because the resource of land is limited and the number of people is constantly growing up rapidly. There is a voice that it is more important to meet human need than to give spaces for animals which are in danger of extinction. However, I am against this idea due to following two reasons on considering the importance of animals which have the tendency to be extinct.

On one hand, each kind of the animal may be crucial for people's surviving when the human suffer disasters. Take smallpox as an example, there are thousands of people dying without any method that can bring them back when this disease explodes. Incidentally a physiologist found that the woman who worked in the milk factory rarely got this fatal disease and they(they与a physiologist不一致) finally discovered the truth behind（从句做主语没有引导词，两句话硬拼一块不太对） is （that）these workers had already had the same kind of disease spread by the milch cow, which are not deadly, and had been immune to the smallpox. Many people were saved due to this discovery and people are not afraid of this kind of illness any more. That's why we have to give enough space to animals, especially the endangered ones and one day they can save our lives.这个例子对于论点的论证并不充分。逻辑上的关系比较勉强。并没有说明空间少了会给有用的稀有物种带来什么灾难，而导致生态的失衡或是自然对于人类的惩罚。

On the other hand, animals which are in danger are also very important to scientific researches. People are trying to make the dinosaurs alive, which could be greatly helpful for us to study the environmental and biological systems at that time. That's not just only due to the curiosity but also crucial for the human. The green house effect, as nearly everyone knows, has become a global issue which, it is said that, has caused quite a huge of extreme terrible weather, such as hurricane, draught, flood and so on. Hardly could people take effective action until we find some clues in the endangered animals to show whether the climate change is the main reason for those phenomenons（phenomena）这段的例子不太着边啊。。。恐龙与温室效应并没有直接联系，同时恐龙早就灭绝了，也不是濒危物种。还是逻辑上的问题。.

I have to admit that the reasonable need for land of human should be met at the same time, because we could never emphasize one side too much over the other. However, the spaces for the endangered species should be kept for the people's sake. In summary, I believes（believe） the animals in danger deserve the land in the first place.
总的来说这篇文章最大的问题出在逻辑上。
相比较而言，句子基本没什么问题，但还是有一些可能是因为限时所带来的纰漏，还是需要继续提高自己的词汇及句子的运用能力。逻辑上作者一定要大幅的修改这篇文章了。论据无法支持分论点，十分勉强。在列举事例的时候有些罗嗦，可以更精简的描述出来，更重要的是通过论据说理支持自己的论点。
建议作者进行一些限时的思维训练， 可能会更好一些。。加油～:loveliness: