【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 云蒸霞蔚第八次作业】

云蒸霞蔚UID: 2327352

There is a nationwide controversy over whether it is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals or not. As I appreciate that, along with the rapid development of human society, the land used for human should be increased, however, on the other hand, I believe that land for animals, especially the endangered animals, should be saved.





To begin, admittedly that the land for human need is of central importance in our lives, as there are an growing number of people wanting to have their own land for living and farming, the land are becoming more and more precious today. With the land fully used by the people, the value and potential of the land can be well developed. What is more significant is that wealth could be created and therefore, the living standard can he improved considerably. Give these facts no one can deny the fact that the land used for human need should acquire more attention.





Turning to the importance to saving the land for endangered animals, nowadays, people are growing concerned about the environmental system around as. Endangered animals, treated as a necessary part in the creature-chain, should be cared more otherwise, the variety of the creatures will be weaken year by year, and the balance between animals may be destroyed. The irreversible loss of biodiversity has a serious impact on the ability of remaining species, including humans, to survive. Humans depend on species diversity and healthy ecosystems to provide food, clean air and water, and fertile soil for agriculture. In addition, we benefit greatly from the many medicines and other products that biodiversity provides. As many as 40 percent of modern medicines are derived from plants or animals. On apt illustration of this point involves a small plant from Madagascar, the rosy periwinkle, produces substances that are effective in fighting two deadly cancers, Hodgkin’s disease and leukemia. Yet the forest habitat of the rosy periwinkle is rapidly disappearing to supply firewood and farmland for the impoverished people of Madagascar, and most of the endemic species there—that is, species that live nowhere else—are endangered.





In conclusion, around the world many kinds of animals are threatened with extinction and The primary causes of species extinction or endangerment are habitat destruction. In order to save the endangered----which means save ourselves as well------we should not use the land which serve for the endanger and what’s more we should try our best to make contribution to the protection of the endangered animals.

水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

There is a nationwide controversy over whether it is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals or not. As I appreciate that, along with the rapid development of human society, the land used for human should be increased, however, on the other hand（一般是和on one hand一起用）, I believe that land for animals, especially the endangered animals, should be saved.
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To begin, admittedly that the land for human need is of central importance in our lives, as there are an growing number of people wanting to have their own land for living and farming, the land are becoming more and more precious today. With the land fully used by the(去掉the，the是特指，这里应该只是泛泛的说，所以去掉比较好) people, the value and potential of the land can be well developed. What is more significant is that wealth could be created and therefore, the living standard can he improved considerably. Give（Given） these facts no one can deny the fact that the land used for human need should acquire more attention. 1 d' a: V) y. a  ]& h  }! t
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Turning to the importance to saving the land for endangered animals, nowadays, people are growing concerned about the environmental system around as. Endangered animals, treated as a necessary part in the creature-chain（没查到有这种用法，其实说food-chain也是合适的）, should be cared more otherwise, the variety of the creatures will be weaken year by year, and the balance between animals may be destroyed. The irreversible loss of biodiversity has a serious impact on the ability （ability后跟to do）of remaining species, including humans, to survive. Humans depend on species diversity and healthy ecosystems to provide food, clean air and water, and fertile soil for agriculture. In addition, we benefit greatly from the many medicines and other products that biodiversity provides. As many as 40 percent of modern medicines are derived from plants or animals. On apt illustration of this point involves a small plant from Madagascar, the rosy periwinkle, produces substances that are effective in fighting two deadly cancers, Hodgkin’s disease and leukemia. Yet the forest habitat of the rosy periwinkle is rapidly disappearing to supply firewood and farmland for the impoverished people of Madagascar, and most of the endemic species there—that is, species that live nowhere else—are endangered.$ U4 d% T# C4 z- |$ Q! k( ], e+ K

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In conclusion, around the world many kinds of animals are threatened with extinction and The primary causes of species extinction or endangerment are habitat destruction. In order to save the endangered----which means save ourselves as well------we should not use the land which serve for the endanger and what’s more we should try our best to make contribution to the protection of the endangered animals.

总的来说，这篇作文思路比较清晰，文字比较流畅。偶尔有些小错误。
1.分论点的提出比较好，不过总论点的说明并不是太明了。文章就逻辑结构来说还是有些单薄，特别是第二段让步后，说明自己支持endangered animals 一方的说理结构上并不是太饱满。
2.发现作者比较喜欢用被动语态，而且用的时候扎堆。被动语态在作文中还是用的不要太多比较好。还有the的使用上，有些地方不特指的话还是不用the的比较好，单说land就可以了。
其他的还要多多向云蒸霞蔚学习～～:loveliness: