lalala

iceland17UID: 2589814

lalala

holdingUID: 2285054

1# iceland17

The rapid explosion of technology in modern society affects the pattern of man's living, earning, learning and playing in daily life, especially, for children who are born in the information era and exposed to an overwhelming number of high-tech products. In the long run, children won't show less creative than they were in past with the aid of technology.

In lateral, the word "creative" means “be able to create new things or thoughts” .Compared with that in past, the development of technology isn't that advanced, so children are confronted with diminishing space and increasing difficulty to be creative. In my childhood, a pupil at my age invented a kind of rubber-attached pen which was later approved to be a patent of his own. But in today’s school, you can hardly find a pen, and most of the students use pencils or automatic pens. So it's not the whole fact that technology restricts the creativity of the children now.

In the other side, technology can stimulate and promote children's creativity. As I pointed out before, the technological products are accessible to the children now, such as computers, televisions and so on. Therefore, it's easier and more convenient （重复）for them to take in （用absorb更好些）the knowledge from these media which can lay a solid foundation for their creativity and make use of these products to do research and experience（do experience?是不是想说experiment？）. I'll take computers as an example. In recent years, a growing number of educators and psychologists have expressed their concern that computers are stifling children's learning and creativity, engaging children in mindless reaction and passive consumption. But I need to clear up that most computers aren't used in that way. Children use computers more like paintbrushes and less like televisions, opening new opportunities for children to playfully explore, experiment, design, and invent. A story of a（an）11-year-old girl will illustrate and provoke a rethinking of the roles that computers can play in children’s lives. Alexandra, who used a tiny computer called a Cricket as a new medium for expression, experimentation, and exploration, invented a "marble machine". The girl is not interested in school, but have （has） a great passion in computers. And then she used the knowledge she had learned in the computer club to build a machine. Besides, there has been a surge of computer-based products that claim to integrate play and learning. For children, these high-tech products make learning more interesting and playful, stimulating and helping them to learn creatively.

However, it's apparent that the abuse of technology will cause children to be over-dependent on it and then their creativity is bound to fade. Technology is an assistant tool created for human's further development, so we can't stop thinking and creating just because we possess technology. （这段不要以however开头，这样的结果是让人感觉你这段的重点是要说abuse of technology的缺点，但这显然不是你的本意。可以改为Apparently, the abuse of technology will blah blah blah. However, technology is an assistant tool blah blah.感觉这样好些）

文章语言运用很好，学习。另外请问，你是怎么收集资料的？

iceland17UID: 2589814

谢谢你的修改!!其实很简单,我只是将文章的关键字输入到google上，看了几篇有关联性的essay，借用了里面的例子，呵呵~~懒人有懒招

iceland17UID: 2589814

lalala

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

The rapid explosion of technology in modern society affects the pattern of man's living, earning,learning and playing in daily life, especially, for children who are born in the information era and exposed to an overwhelming number of high-tech products. In the long run, children won't show less creative than they were in past with the aid of technology.(主题句 disagree)2 C3 m/ k) Z; ]! j
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In lateral,（这是什么用法啊，没见过，望赐教） the word "creative" means “be able to create new things or thoughts” .Compared with that in past, the development of technology isn't that advanced, so children are confronted with diminishing space and increasing difficulty to be creative. In my childhood, a pupil at my age invented a kind of rubber-attached pen which was later approved to be a patent of his own. But in today 's school, you can hardly find a pen, and most of the students use pencils or automatic pens. So it's not the whole fact that technology restricts the creativity of the children now（这一段先定义了creative，然后说和过去相比，儿童创新面临着减少的空间和增加的难度，举例证明，过去一个小孩发明了带橡皮的钢笔，现在的学校都用自动笔，所以限制了儿童的创新？不是狠明白这个逻辑）.8 a1 V% @, W0 Q0 V9 @

In the other side, technology can stimulate and promote children's creativity. （这里说科技能刺激儿童创新）As I pointed（mentioned更好吧） out before,the technological products are accessible to the children now, such as computers, televisions and so on. Therefore, it's easier and more convenient for them to take in（receiving） the knowledge from these media which can lay a solid foundation for their creativity and make use of these products to do research and experience. I'll （would like to）take computers as an example. In recent years,a growing number of educators and psychologists have expressed their concern that computers are stifling children's learning and creativity, engaging children in mindless reaction and passive consumption（被动消费？何解？）. But I need to（want to） clear up（clearify） that most computers aren't used in that way. Children use computers more like paintbrushes and less like televisions, opening new opportunities for children to playfully explore, experiment, design, and invent. A story of a 11-year-old girl will illustrate and provoke a rethinking of the roles that computers can play in children’s lives. Alexandra,who used a tiny computer called a Cricket as a new medium for expression, experimentation, and exploration,invented a "marble machine".The girl is not interested in school,but have a great passion in computers.And then she used the knowledge she had learned in the computer club to build a machine. Besides, there has been a surge of computer-based products that claim to integrate play and learning. For children,these high-tech products make learning more interesting and playful,stimulating and helping them to learn creatively(这一段太长了，建议删减…这个应该写了好久吧).* B4 y! K' s+ [6 j' L! e( A

However,it's apparent that the abuse of technology will cause children to be over-dependent on it and then their creativity is bound to fade.Technology is an assistant tool created for human's further development,so we can't stop thinking and creating just because we possess technology.
总体下来感觉论点不明，到底是支持还是不支持？建议把主题句写在句首，这样可以提示自己的下一步论证。

iceland17UID: 2589814

lalala