【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组熊爱棒棒糖的 第10次作业】

熊爱棒棒糖UID: 2598861

Do you agree or disagree: governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams

It is not responsible for people to state that the government should spend more money for supporting of arts than for those of athletics. The reasons rely on several factors.

Firstly, the government should balance the development of the arts and athletics. There are no differences between these two parts. Undoubtedly, the arts, including different types of music and paintings, etc, play a great role in our history which demonstrates the brilliant of history we have. Sometimes it could help the scientists to indicate the information beyond the meanings they have. However, the achievements of the athletics also which get from the diligent work could have influential to the world. The spirits expressed from the sports demonstrate the ones of higher and stronger of human. With the encouragement of the spirits, we could achieve more difficult goals in the process of struggling for the better lives. Therefore, from the personal point, the development of the athletics supported by the government could stimulate the healthy spirits of the thriving for the future.

Secondly, the athletics supported by the government such as a state-sponsored Olympic team could win the fames for the country around the world. Taking China as an example, without enough money from the government, the athletics performed so bad that we completely inferior to the most attending teams in the Qing Dynasty. Others countries treat Chinese people as the East Asia patients. However, following the development of the new China, the athletics won more than 50 golden medals listed the first among the countries attending the Olympic game. The achievements of the athletics teams are praised by the people all over the world. Obviously, under the support of the government, China has not the East Asia any more. Therefore, it is necessary for the government pay enough attention to the sports.

In a word, even though the arts act the special role in the history of human, it demands that the government should back the development of the sports.

grace.TTUID: 2534695

1# 熊爱棒棒糖

Do you agree or disagree: governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams

It is not responsible for people to state that the government should spend more money for supporting of arts than for those of athletics. (supporting为adj.后面不是跟of;另外，第3个for后跟的those,应与第2个for后平行。我认为改成这样更好---It is not ...government should give financial support in arts than in athletics/词典上有一例句是这样的----政府拨款给艺术：government provide money to support the arts)The reasons rely on several factors.* A* P1 ]# x! q/ v3 t

Firstly, the government should balance the development of the arts and athletics. There are no differences between these two parts. Undoubtedly, the arts, including different types of music and paintings, etc, play a great role in our history（in the field of history/in the historical field） which demonstrates the brilliant（brilliance）of (our) history we have(删). Sometimes it could help the scientists to indicate the information beyond the meanings they have. However, the achievements of the athletics also which get from the diligent work could have influential to the world. (the achievements of the athletics by working diligently could also have effect on the world.)The spirits expressed from the sports demonstrate the ones of higher and stronger of human(这句话的用法你再确认一下). With the encouragement of the spirits, we could achieve more difficult goals in the process of struggling for the better lives. Therefore, from the personal point, the development of the athletics supported by the government could stimulate the healthy spirits of the thriving for the future（thrive是vi. 固定搭配-以..兴旺-thrive on    此句后半部分改为 ...stimulate the healthy spirits on which our country thrive）.

Secondly, the athletics supported by the government such as a state-sponsored Olympic team could win the fames (固定搭配：win fame赢得声誉、赢得世界声誉直接可以写成win world fame)for the country around the world. Taking China as an example, without enough money from（of） the government, the athletics(athletes) performed so bad that we (were) completely inferior to the most attending(主治的？除了这个意思还有什么意思，查查词典吧) teams in the Qing Dynasty. (这句话写得。。纠结了。。错误较多。。be inferior to前后应一致。再考虑考虑整句话)Others（去s） countries treat Chinese people as the East Asia patients(东亚病夫固定用法Ps.注意加引号---"the sick man of East Asia/the sick man of Asia"). However, following the development of the new China（如果有这个专有名词才行）, the athletics(运动员写错了) won more than 50 golden medals listed the first among the countries attending the Olympic game. The achievements of the athletics（去s） teams are praised by the(删)people all over the world. Obviously, under the support of the government, China has not the East Asia any more.(China has not been"前面提的"anymore.) Therefore, it is necessary for the government pay enough attention to the sports.  ]' M$ r1 G0 \/ K2 ^

In a word, even though the arts act(play) the special role in the history of human, it demands that the government should back the development of the sports.
lz若想写艺术与体育两者不可偏废，艺术部分阐述得少了些。且语法错误较多。望今后多加积累。加油！

熊爱棒棒糖UID: 2598861

狠拍的很好呢，好久都没有被人狠拍了，呵呵，很爽
但是不知道LS写的---It is not ...government should give financial support in arts than in athletics是什么意思，没有比较级为什么又than

grace.TTUID: 2534695

...government should give more financial support in arts than in athletics.

grace.TTUID: 2534695

可能批得狠了点，我不太客气啦:)  
希望对你有一点帮助就好！
如果有疑问 我们可以再交流！

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

Do you agree or disagree: governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams, v! k  L! q& J; f0 `: t

It is not responsible for people to state that the government should spend more money for(on) supporting of arts than for(on) those of athletics. The reasons rely(lie) on several factors(首段直接表明观点，不是不可，但是个人觉得缺少修饰，而且表意不清，可以在首段做一个outline，把factors再further develop 一下).- H. r& S0 Q( Q9 j  [. V

Firstly, the government should balance the development of the arts and athletics. There are no differences between (them)these two parts. Undoubtedly, the arts, including different types(genres) of music and paintings, etc, play a great(crucial) role in our history which demonstrates(record) the brilliant(brilliant past) we have. (这里可以做一个小小的递进moreover) it could help the scientists to indicate（understand） the information beyond(hide in) the meanings(art) they have. However, the achievement of athletics also which(which指代什么) get from (stem from)the diligent work could have influential（influence） world. The spirits expressed from(manifested in ) the sports demonstrate(encourage people being stronger and faster) the ones of higher and stronger of human. With the encouragement(impulse) of the spirits, (we are capable of achieving a higher goal and a better life during our endeavor)we could achieve more difficult goals in the process of struggling for the better lives. Therefore, from the personal point, the development of the athletics supported by the government could stimulate the healthy spirits of the thriving for the future. (therefore, I deem sponsoring national athletics as beneficial for our well beings both in mental and physical).这一段观点不明，前面说投资艺术好，后面又说投资体育好 ，最好不要这么写
3 b  r% u9 I4 Y1 R
Secondly, the athletics supported by the government such as a state-sponsored Olympic team could win the（raise） fame for our country in the world. (Taking China as an example, date back to the period of Qing dynasty, in which our athletes lack of national sponsoring, we did badly in Olympic games that most of teams , even the smallest country in the Europe, surpassed us wildly. As a result, we were despised by westerners for the failure, which gave birth to the insult of East ill man to us Chinese.) without enough money from the government, the athletics(athletes) performed so bad that we (are)completely inferior to most of attending teams in the Qing Dynasty. Others countries treat Chinese people as the East Asia patients. However, following the development of the new China, the athletics won more than 50 golden medals listed the first among the countries attending the Olympic game. The achievements of the athletics teams are praised by the people all over the world. Obviously, under the support of the government, China has not the East Asia any more.这一段说投资体育可以为国争光，但是表述明显有误，清朝的体育赛事没有说明白，我把你改了一下，不知这样有没有好一点？
Therefore, it is necessary for the government pay enough attention to the sports./ p( Y5 }/ I3 K

In a word, even though the arts act the（a） special role in the history of human beings, it demands that the government should back the development of the sports.
文章观点还是清楚的，但是表述有问题，语法错误较多，希望多加练习。

熊爱棒棒糖UID: 2598861

LS说的哪里的话，我就希望大家能对我的文章狠拍，这样才能进步

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

话说同学我的作业你还没改呢，呵呵