[TOEFL 2009上半年-Dark_Tournament写作组 ZRTIBT 第11次作业]

zrtibtUID: 2509782

第十一次作业- l, n, }8 d( f4 Y* N. D
It’s better to use own knowledge and experience to solve question, or ask other people for advice?(08.5.31)
   WORD 572
  Along with the rapid development of our society, people invariably face the dilemma to consider which method is better Use own knowledge and personal experience to solve problem or get advice from others. This problem is the much debated one in that it affects everyone somehow in their daily lives. Why some deem to choose other’s advice as the optimal choice and somehow superior to choose personal experience is really beyond me. Through careful deliberation in my mind, I undoubtedly to point out that use own knowledge deal with the question overcome to get advice from others. There are numerous reasons why I advocate this side; here I would explore only a few of the most significant reasons
   first and foremost, the main reason is that as the saying goes, suffering from is a kind of fortune. Personal experience enrich one’s background, more own knowledge make one more mature and sophisticated. We can observe the society more comprehensive and objective. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example by myself that is very persuasive。I still remember my first work experience in Heilongjiang Television Station. I was the director chief assistant in Heilongjiang Provence Spring Festival Party. My duty was to make sure every stage prop was in the right position, and assist the director at any time. I delegated tasks to over forty people. During that time I was at the studio five days for a total of fifty-three hours. This dedication is exemplified in my everyday life. I’ve learned that hard work does pay off so, I have been known as a person who never quits and follows through on whatever I’m doing. Even when times get hard and I have a million things to do, I manage my time efficiently to get everything done on time. The program has not only provided me a chance to experience how to manage a high level Festival Party, it’s relative to my future major; mass media. After this journey I realize one never understand an object until you experience it. This work chance brings me a lots of information what I need, far better than what advice I gain from my friends describe.
   Later on, personal experience can help one observe the society more comprehensive and objective. However It is only a picture of the crucial aspects, when you get into trouble you are the person most familiar with what you really want. Advice from others maybe not helps you effective. We all understand that greatness is never a given, It must be earned. Take myself as an example, I had given many thoughts of my fortune career since different career relate to different major. I am good at writing articles, giving a public peach and communicating with different kinds of people, and I have over five years work as host, reporter and Spokesperson of student union. It is arduous for me to choose which one as my major. My parents, teachers and friends give me millions of advices, but no one of them clear understand me as myself, so I think about my advantages and drawbacks make my own decision. Although this is a painful decision but it is a part of my life only I can redeem myself. All this I can do. And all this I will do.
   Judging from the evidence offered, obviously, we can draw the conclusion that to solve question personal experience overcome others advice.

wazzaUID: 2473807

1# zrtibt

Along with the rapid development of our society, people invariably face the dilemma to consider which method is better Use own knowledge and personal experience to solve problem or get advice from others. This problem is the much debated one in that it affects everyone somehow in their daily lives. Why some deem to choose other’s advice as the optimal choice and somehow superior to choose personal experience is really beyond me.(这句结构有点问题） Through careful deliberation in my mind, I undoubtedly to point out that use own knowledge deal with the question overcome to get advice from others. There are numerous reasons why I advocate this side; here I would explore only a few of the most significant reasons(这句是否可以不要） ^（8 ?( q8

F$ y3 t) c( ^' P
   first and foremost, the main reason is that as the saying goes, suffering from is a kind of fortune. Personal experience enrich one’s background, （少了连词 and ）more own knowledge make one more mature and sophisticated. We can observe the society more comprehensive and objective（既然下一段论述这个观点，这段就应删去这句）. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example by myself that is very persuasive。I still remember my first work experience in Heilongjiang Television Station. I was the director chief assistant in Heilongjiang Provence Spring Festival Party. My duty was to make sure every stage prop was in the right position, and assist the director at any time. I delegated tasks to over forty people. During that time I was at the studio five days for a total of fifty-three hours. This dedication is exemplified in my everyday life. I’ve learned that hard work does pay off so, I have been known as a person who never quits and follows through on whatever I’m doing. Even when times get hard and I have a million things to do, I manage my time efficiently to get everything done on time. The program has not only provided me a chance to experience how to manage a high level Festival Party, it’s relative to my future major; mass media. After this journey I realize one never understand an object until you experience it. This work chance brings me a lots of information what I need, far better than what advice I gain from my friends describe.(这段个人经历我觉得可以在压缩一下，浓缩才是精华 :loveliness:  简洁地表达意思，还有就是句式要多样化点，加点承接词，尽量少用以I/MY开头的陈述句）





Later on, personal experience can help one observe the society more comprehensive and objective. However It is only a picture of the crucial aspects, when you get into trouble you are the person most familiar with what you really want（这里是两句话应该分开写）. Advice from others maybe not helps you effective. We all understand that greatness is never a given, It must be earned. Take myself as an example, I had given many thoughts of my fortune career since different career relate to different major. I am good at writing articles, giving a public peach and communicating with different kinds of people, and I have over five years work as host, reporter and Spokesperson of student union. It is arduous for me to choose which one as my major. My parents, teachers and friends give me millions of advices, but no one（none）of them clear understand me as myself, so I think about my advantages and drawbacks make my own decision（此句不通）. Although this is a painful decision but it is a part of my life only I can redeem myself. All this I can do. And all this I will do.


Judging from the evidence offered, obviously, we can draw the conclusion that to solve question personal experience overcome others advice.

1、例子方面最好是个人经历和其他结合
2、不知lz事先有没有检查一篇然后发上来

yoyodandyUID: 2456812

  Along with the rapid development of our society, people invariably face the dilemma to consider which method is better Use own knowledge and personal experience to solve problem or get advice from others. This problem is the much debated one in that it affects everyone somehow in their daily lives. Why some deem to choose other’s advice as the optimal（这个单词错了吧。。。） choice and somehow superior to choose personal experience is really beyond me. (不是很能读明白，是不是这个句型用错了。。。)Through careful deliberation in my mind, I undoubtedly to point out that use own knowledge deal with the question overcome to get advice from others. There are numerous reasons why I advocate this side; here I would explore only a few of the most significant reasons
     First and foremost, the main reason is that as the saying goes, suffering from is a kind of fortune. Personal experience enrich one’s background, more own knowledge makes one more mature and sophisticated. We can observe the society more comprehensive and objective. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example by myself that is very persuasive. I still remembered my first work experience in Heilongjiang Television Station. I was the director chief assistant in Heilongjiang Provence Spring Festival Party. My duty was to make sure every stage prop was in the right position and assisted the director at any time. I delegated tasks to over forty people. At that time I was at the studio five days for a total of fifty-three hours. This dedication is exemplified in my everyday life. I’ve learned that hard work does pay off so, I have been known as a person who never quits and follows through on whatever I’m doing. Even when times get hard and I have a million things to do, I manage my time efficiently to get everything done on time. The program does not only provided me a chance to experience how to manage a high level Festival Party, it’s relative to my future major; mass media. After this journey I realize people never understand an object until you experience it. (尽量少用one you 之类的词)This work chance brings me a lot of information what I need, far better than what advice I gain from my friends described.(感觉在进入你想要表达的主题之前花了过多的笔墨，可以稍微精简一下。)
     Later on, personal experience can help one observe the society more comprehensive and objective. （和上一段的主题观点句重复）However it is only a picture of the crucial aspects. When you get into trouble you are the person most familiar with what you really want. Advice from others maybe not help you effectively. We all understand that greatness is never a given, It must be earned. Take myself as an example, I had given many thoughts of my future career since different career relates to different major. I am good at writing articles, giving a public peach and communicating with different kinds of people, and I had been working as host, reporter and Spokesperson of student union over five years,. It is arduous for me to choose which one as my major. My parents, teachers and friends give me millions of advices, but no one of them clearly understand me as myself, as a matter of face I think about my advantages and drawbacks and make my own decision. Although this is a painful decision but it is a part of my life only I can redeem myself. All this I can do. And all this I will do. (这里的例子和主题句有直接关系吗？)
       Judging from the evidence offered, obviously, we can draw the conclusion that to solve question, personal experience overcome others advice.
1.尽量不要举太多自己的例子，可以寻找一些名人的例子，这样会更加有说服力。
2.楼主的文章结构脉络很清晰，不过有些句式用的不是很好，并且可以适当的增加一些句型。
3.有些标点符号用的不是很正确。
很抱歉这么晚才给你把作文改好，以上是我的一些看法，可能有些看法也不是很正确，选择性的接收吧。