改作文贴

carol@shUID: 2598923

已经抱了6月初的IBT，几年前考过一次老Toefl，当时其他还可以640多，但作文只有3.5，对自己的写作能力超级没信心，希望论坛上的高手能指点指点，有什么表达方面的欠缺，语法上的问题请多多指教。

以下是今天写的，因为在公司一直被林零零碎碎的事打断，已经不算时间了
Topic 1 Why do we go to university/college?

It seems to be a growing trend for young people to pursue a bachelor degree or even master degree after graduating from high schools. A recent survey in mainland China shows that over 90% of urban Chinese families (in major cities including Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou) with children aged between 15 and 18 place university or college education as their first choice when the kids finished their high school education. While the figure merely surpassed 10% just two decades ago.

People cannot help but ask, why has university education gained such a high popularity nowadays? Why do so many students go to university?

As a university education receiver myself, I would raise three major reasons for me to enter university four years ago. The most significant one is that I was not satisfied with the limited information about such fields as mathematics which I was strongly interested in provided by high school teachers. That’s why I applied for mathematics as the major for my university education. Most students found themselves able to explore their favorite areas given the sound academic atmosphere of universities. With experienced professors ready to answer your questions, laboratories equipped with most advanced machines, no pressure of earning money to make a living, indeed, university is an ideal place for studying.

The second reason why I went to university is to prepare for my future career. As the competition in human resource market is becoming fiercer, young people prefer to better prepare themselves before starting their careers. Most famous and large-scale companies set a bachelor degree as the basic requirement of jobs open to inexperienced young candidates. Maybe they think one who has received university education has more potential in his/her future career.

The last but not the least, I think one can expand his/her perspective of the world through communicating with students from all over the country or even abroad. In elementary schools and middle schools, the fellow students may come from nearby neighborhood and share the same culture while in university, different culture background may crash with each other. As the distance between different nations and cultures is shorten by Internet and modern air traffic, it is wise for a young man/woman to get familiar with other cultures as early as possible.

Why do we go to university? May be every one has his/her own reasons, but there is no doubt that university education is becoming more and more important in modern times.

carol@shUID: 2598923

为何读大学论点有三：
1 大学提供良好学术氛围
2 为将来工作做准备
3 了解不同文化扩大视野
小Tip：开头的调查是我编的，觉得这样的开头比较有说服力，不晓得ETS能否接受

carol@shUID: 2598923

　Topic81：科学技术正在使得人们生活变得更加便利，对此你是如何看待？
　　Topic81 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


Has technology made our world a better place to live? Some may agree by listing numerous inventions of modern society that facilitate our life in various fields, while others who hold a different opinion may point out that the natural life of human beings in the past has been ruined by the evolution of science and technology.

In my opinion, Technology is like a sword with two edges sometimes. For example, with the popularity of mobile phones, people can get in touch with each other whenever they want. I can still remember in my childhood, both of my parents went to work and they had to leave messages on a piece of paper in the morning if they could not arrive home for dinner on time. This kind of problem no longer exists now. However, many people found that the mobile phone also eats up their private time when bringing the convenience of communication. Employees have to pick up a business phone call even when they are on vacation. Some companies even require their staffs to keep their mobile phone open 24 hours a day in case of emergency. The annoying mobile phone rings break out everywhere from a comfortable restaurant to the quiet hospitals.

Those technology admirers may argue that the life span of human beings is much longer than before thanks to new medical technology. However, we are also faced with the threats of more and more new diseases such as bird flue, maybe a result of environmental pollution, global warming, etc. Farmers use fertilizer amid modern agricultural technologies to have larger harvests. But at the same time, fish in the river are suffering from the chemical drains from the fields. Those sick fish end up on our dinner table which also bring the unknown disease to our body.

We have witnessed and experienced the significant changes Technology has brought to us in all aspects of our daily life. But we should also be cautious about the side-effects brought to us together.

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

建议楼主加入小组

carol@shUID: 2598923

恩，谢谢你的建议:)

不过我没有QQ，我看到改作文小组要求一定要加入QQ群的。

carol@shUID: 2598923

Topic4、It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?


Books have been taken as the symbolization of knowledge for a long history. Ancient Chinese people used to describe a person full of knowledge by saying “one has a lot of ink inside his/her body.” indicating he/she has read a lot of books.

However, is it real that one can get all the knowledge merely from books?  What about the intelligent people who did not have a good chance of reading books? My grand mother has never been able to school when she was young. She was raised in a small town in rural area of mainland China. However, she is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met in my life. Filled with all kinds of practical experience coming from her life, she is always ready to learn new things and understand new ideas even when she is at her eighties. Every time when I talk to her, I can learn something that books can never teach me.

I call that knowledge of my grandma the wisdom from real life. I think compared to books, gaining the knowledge from experience is more important because as far as I am concerned, the content in a book is also the knowledge the writer gain from his/her experience. Because the limitation of communication, he/she had to write it down in a book. The activity of reading a book is in fact a way to gain knowledge from other people’s experience. It involves the expression skill of the writer, the understanding ability of the reader and there is a high risk that one can misunderstand the author’s real purpose. Not even to mention not all books provide useful knowledge to their readers. One may find it is just waste of time after he/she finished the whole book.

In my opinion, one should emphasis more on the knowledge gained from real life experience instead of books because it has been tested by your own practice.

由于自己写作文速度较慢，现在要求自己必须在30分钟内完成，刚刚开始比较难，这篇就花了35分钟，连修改的时间都没，再接再励吧

carol@shUID: 2598923

Topic84 Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

With the advance of technology, it is no longer a surprise for us to hear terabytes of data preserved on the servers of network service providers which can be accessed by users via internet within just a second. However, does it mean people can get valuable information much easier than before amid the “Magic” of Internet?

The real facts may not turn out to be as beautiful as it appears to be.  A survey conducted on Internet shows that people are more likely to be distracted by the none-objective information on the web page when searching for specific information. Many web browsers may share the same experience: when you open google or yahoo searching for information about a serious academic book, but after a few minutes, you may find yourself reading a tourist’s blog for an interesting trip or some entertainment news. This is because the information on the Internet is not organized in a way like a book which has a main subject or focus on a specific area.

What poses a question for obtaining valuable information on Internet is not only limited to the effectiveness, but also includes the reliability of information from the Internet. Not like the information provided in books, newspapers or even television, the information on the internet does not always tell its users who actually provide it. Maybe it is quoted from authorities, but there is also a big chance that the information just comes from rumor or imagination. How can we trust the kind of information when we do not even know where it comes from?

There are still many other shortages of relying on internet as for useful information. For example, when it comes to some real valuable information, like professional essays of a specific academic field, there may be limitation of access for ordinary browsers. It is totally understandable due to the protection of intellectual property rights. However, for those who take Internet as a convenient tool providing access to everything, this may not be good news.

carol@shUID: 2598923

速度似蜗牛，这篇文花了一小时。。。

而且好像有点偏题了，晕阿

完全集中火力抨击题目的第一句话，其实后面那句说的是太多信息带来的问题！重点在信息的多上，这样看来只有第二段有点关系，整篇文章都在讨论通过互联网并不能获取想要的有用信息！

carol@shUID: 2598923

[TOEFL2009 上半年Dark_Tournament写作小组第十五次作业]
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In today’s world, to speak well is more important than to write well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. (07.1.26)

Speaking and writing, both have been acting as important ways for people to express their opinions and feelings for centuries. But which one is more important in today’s world? Although different people may hold different points of view as for this question, my opinion is that speaking may be a little bit more important than writing.

We are in an era of information explosion and people are less patient than before doing things such as sitting in front of the desk and reading through a long paper. The spread of the Internet has significantly changed our way of getting information. Web browsers are busy digesting and absorbing the massive amount of information provided on the Internet while paying little attention to how it was organized or literally stated. We tend to emphasis more on what the author provide than how and  make the requirement of writing skills less demanding.

On the other hand, the need for excellent speaking techniques increased due to the advancement of modern mass media technology. Radio, Television and the Internet enables the speaker to have the largest group of audience regardless of the fence of distance and time. Just to take the election speech of the US President Obama as an example, one will find no difficulty to listen to it by logging onto Youtube or other video websites even though he/she is not an American citizen. Not only the voice of the speaker but also his/her gestures, facial appearance will be clearly shown on the screen. It may be a commonly shared feeling that you can accept the opinion of a speaker when you can see him/her vividly more easily than reading it in an article.

So, in my opinion, the ability to speak well is more and more important than the ability of writing well in our modern society.

醉红尘UID: 2580929

[TOEFL2009 上半年Dark_Tournament写作小组第十五次作业]
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In today’s world, to speak well is more important than to write well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. (07.1.26)2 E6 l8 l* [% C9 G( f2 Y; s

Speaking and writing, both have been acting as important ways for people to express their opinions and feelings for centuries. But which one is more important in today’s world? Although different people may hold different points of view as for（重复） this question, my opinion is that speaking may be a little bit more (表达观点要肯定，并且和你最后结尾矛盾)important than writing.0~) H' y  ]2 |7 [/ e
2 [" u5 H# T7 q/ O( P5 i
We are in an era of information explosion and people are less patient than before（the past）(on )doing things such as sitting in front of the desk and reading through a long paper. The spread of the Internet has significantly changed our way of getting information. Web browsers(?查不出来意思啊？) are busy digesting and absorbing the massive amount of information provided on the Internet while paying little attention to how it was organized or literally stated. We tend to emphasis more on what the author provide than how and  make the requirement of writing skills less demanding.

On the other hand, the need for excellent speaking techniques(skills) increased due to the advancement of modern mass media technology. Radio, Television and the Internet enables the speaker to have the largest group of audience regardless of the fence of distance and time. (可用定语从句，such as Radio, Television and the Internet, which enable the speaker to have the largest group of audience regardless of the fence of distance and time )Just to（去掉） take the election speech of the US President Obama as an example, one will find no difficulty to listen（listening） to it by logging onto Youtube or other video websites even though he/she is not an American citizen. Not only the voice of the speaker but also his/her gestures, facial appearance will be clearly shown on the screen. It may be a commonly shared feeling that you can去掉accept the opinion of a speaker when you can see（seeing） him/her vividly more easily than reading it in an article.4 T1 D0 ~( U; V$ x6 e3 n5 f
, n8 ]* M2 ], {, C6 D, V
So, in my opinion, the ability to speak well is more and more(highly more) important than the ability of writing(to write) well in our modern society.

附录：我觉得对待一个观点，应该主要讲他的好处，而不是将对方的不必要吧，那样会让人觉得论据不充分。呵呵，我也不是高手，有不到之处。还请多多指教

醉红尘UID: 2580929

你要是有邮箱，给我留个好了，本来标记的颜色什么的，往网上一放，啥也没有了。我的是 6xiaosu@zju.edu.cn

libbyleeUID: 2616135

Speaking and writing, both have been acting as important ways for people to express their opinions and feelings for centuries. But which one is more important（改为essential,避免重复） in today’s world? Although different people may hold different points（point）of view(views) as(去掉as) for this question, my opinion（可以改为mine，避免重复）is that speaking may be a little bit more important than writing.
, S, n1 ]+ n% N
We are in an era of information explosion and people are less patient than before(放置在things之后比较流利，而且与所作的事情的列举形成逻辑关系) doing things such as sitting in front of the desk and (可以去掉and, 表达成坐在书桌前读很长的文章)reading through（介词through可以去掉吧） a long paper. The spread of the Internet has significantly changed our way of getting information.(特别喜欢这句话，我也要引荐在自己的文章里) Web browsers are busy digesting and absorbing the massive amount of information provided on（介词应改为by） the Internet while paying little attention to how it was organized or literally stated. (这句话也非常出彩，值得我学习)We tend to emphasis more on what the author provide than how and  make the requirement of writing skills less demanding.
+ x' @  \" b7 }7 N2 t% M* T
On the other hand, the need for excellent speaking techniques increased (这里应该用进行时态表主动吧，改为increasing，文中说是the need is increasing)due to the advancement of modern mass media technology. Radio, Television and the Internet enables (enable) the speaker to have the largest group of audience regardless of the fence of distance and time. Just to(去掉to, take something for example ) take the election speech of the US President Obama as an example, one will find no difficulty to listen to it(find it easily to get access to it) by logging onto Youtube or other video websites even though he/she is not an American citizen.(略去citizen) Not only the voice of the speaker but also his/her gestures, facial appearance will be clearly shown on the screen. It may be a commonly shared feeling that you can accept the opinion of a speaker when you can see him/her vividly more easily than reading it in an article.

So, in my opinion, the ability to speak well is more and more important than the ability of writing well in our modern society.


有些句子特别漂亮！我们加油！