Issue130 [09年04月机考不抛弃不放弃作文组]第5周第5次作业 by helenji (3/27/09)

helenjiUID: 2603217

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 603
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 3/28/2009 3:19:45 PM

提纲
论点：同意
1 确实孩子是否社会化决定社会的命运。
2 孩子要具备哪些特点(资质)才能叫社会化？
3 我们的社会现在是如何教育孩子的？首先学校偏注智力培养，孩子的心理问题得不到重视和解决。
4 其次，在家庭中，孩子父母仅忙于为孩子提供更好的物质生活，而没花时间和孩子在一起，培养孩子社会化。很多家长替孩子做事，孩子没有独立能力。家长也没为孩子树立好的榜样(他们自己轻易离婚，吵架。他们和自己配偶都没有好好合作，怎么让孩子学习合作精神？)因此今天的孩子不会合作，不容异己。
5 结论


I agree with the speaker that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society and we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

To begin with, it is a matter of fact that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Children, who will one day grow into adults, are the future of our society. The little pink and blue will be the mainstream forces of the society in the political, economic and cultural areas. How the nation is led, how the manufacturing is managed and how the culture is maintained will one day all be in the hands of the children of today. Therefore, it seems natural that how our children are socialized today makes a huge difference in the society's future.

Now, let us see what qualifications and merits does our future need from the children of today and what kind of citizens in the society can be seen as well-socialized ones. In order to be a positive force in the society, one has to be a responsible being. With that said, it means that one has to take his share of work and contribute his effort to the development of the big colony---the society. Being responsible involves not only to be accountable for one's own decision but also for one's mistakes. The society also requires that an individual to cooperate with others, to maintain the spirit of team-work and be open to hear alternative idea and tolerate other's mistakes.

Having illustrating what qualifications does our future society need from our children, now we are turning to see how our society today is raising our children. Admittedly, the schooling practice has provided an effective mean to train our children to be highly intellectual beings---the very skill our society needs to keep its pace in technological development. However, our schools pay little attention to teach our children how to explore, understand and control their emotions. We have seen too many children depressed and many even want to commit suicide at such a young age because of the academic overload. No proper guidance is given to help our children to grow into a psychologically healthy being, let alone well-socialized.

While, children who are confused at school turn to their parents at home. Unfortunately, today's parents are too busy with providing a good material life for their children but neglect to emphasize on the aspects that would help their children to be better socialized. They spent too much time working to save college fund for their children but spend so little time to interact with their children. In order to grant their children more time in studying, many parents do almost everything for their children and as a result the children are too dependent on their parents and they can almost fulfill nothing by themselves. Moreover, many of today's parents are setting bad examples for their children. They divorce easily and even they remain in the marriage, they quarrel over trivial. How would these parents expect their children to learn to socialize when they break up their commitment to the marriage so easily and they do not master the skill of cooperate with their spouse? Consequently, many of our children today lacks the fundamental skills to work with others, hear a contradictory idea or comprise in a group.


In conclusion, the situation of how are today's children socialized determines our society's tomorrow. While sadly, although our schools are trying to train better intellect children, they pay little attention on their emotional and psychological well-being. The parents of today's family, trying hard to provide material well-being for their children, neglects to emphasize to train their children to be independent and cooperative to others----the very qualifications that can be seen as well-socialized.

corpuscleUID: 2503411

B1.只能说明孩子是祖国的未来，培养孩子的重要性，没有写出来社会化的重要性
B2.详略不当，社会化应该重点说，而不是一笔带过。社会化和社会进步的关系没有写出来
B3.现在学校不是有心理辅导吗？人生观、道德观不是一直很重视吗？不管这样写也可以，每个人的看法不同
B4.离婚、家庭不合和社会化没啥关系吧？
逻辑脉络还是比较清晰的，a better society有没有说呢？学校、家庭到底有没有把孩子社会化从而带来一个更好的社会呢？
社会化写的再深入一些，具体一些

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

I agree with the speaker that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society and we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. 直接抄题目。。。。。。

To begin with, it is a matter of fact that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Children, who will one day grow into adults, are the future of our society. The little pink and blue will be the mainstream forces of the society in the political, economic and cultural areas. How the nation is led, how the manufacturing is managed and how the culture is maintained will one day all be in the hands of the children of today. Therefore, it seems natural that how our children are socialized today makes a huge difference in the society's future. 题目说的是determine,你在第一句表示支持determing,段中论述的却是a huge difference，偏题。题目分两半讨论是比较可行的，但是说理不深入，没有进入核心。应该讨论的重点不是孩子的socialization对社会有没用（肯定有用的啊），而是对bring a better society是不是起的决定性作用

Now, let us see what qualifications and merits does our future need from the children of today and what kind of citizens in the society can be seen as well-socialized ones. 首句没有扣题，只说what, 没有说清楚社会需要well-socialized people,这种思路不够直接明了。In order to be a positive force in the society, one has to be a responsible being. With that said, it means that one has to take his share of work and contribute his effort to the development of the big colony---the society. Being responsible involves not only to be accountable for one's own decision but also for one's mistakes. The society also requires that an individual to cooperate with others, to maintain the spirit of team-work and be open to hear alternative idea and tolerate other's mistakes.

Having illustrating what qualifications does our future society need from our children, now we are turning to see how our society today is raising our children. 同样没有点明现在社会没有好好教育孩子Admittedly, the schooling practice has provided an effective mean to train our children to be highly intellectual beings---the very skill our society needs to keep its pace in technological development. However, our schools pay little attention to teach our children how to explore, understand and control their emotions. We have seen too many children depressed and many even want to commit suicide at such a young age because of the academic overload. No proper guidance is given to help our children to grow into a psychologically healthy being, let alone well-socialized. 这段好像重点论说了psychologically healthy being，偏离well-socialized，只在最后一句来了句let alone

While, children who are confused at school turn to their parents at home. 还是段首中心句问题，没有说出本段要讲的意思，不符合西方思维习惯。Unfortunately, today's parents are too busy with providing a good material life for their children but neglect to emphasize on the aspects that would help their children to be better socialized. They spent too much time working to save college fund for their children but spend so little time to interact with their children. In order to grant their children more time in studying, many parents do almost everything for their children and as a result the children are too dependent on their parents and they can almost fulfill nothing by themselves. Moreover, many of today's parents are setting bad examples for their children. They divorce easily and even they remain in the marriage, they quarrel over trivial. How would these parents expect their children to learn to socialize when they break up their commitment to the marriage so easily and they do not master the skill of cooperate with their spouse? Consequently, many of our children today lacks the fundamental skills to work with others, hear a contradictory idea or comprise in a group. 最后一句话应该多点论述，前面讲父母的坏榜样可以少点，总之要紧扣题目，而且即使要讲父母做的不好的地方，也得顺利地和不利于孩子well-socialize联系起来，否则逻辑孤立跳跃缺乏说服力。


In conclusion, the situation of how are today's children socialized determines our society's tomorrow. While sadly, although our schools are trying to train better intellect children, they pay little attention on their emotional and psychological well-being. The parents of today's family, trying hard to provide material well-being for their children, neglects to emphasize to train their children to be independent and cooperative to others----the very qualifications that can be seen as well-socialized.
既然结尾又复述了一次题目，开头最好不要用那个形式，可以对题目适当展开。
语言运用还可以，能够表达意思。主要问题是每段第一句缺乏力度，没有起到引领读者的作用，要注意。段内结构整个文章架构也要注意逻辑。这道题也是难题，看出来写的很努力了。加油！

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

主要问题还是题目和说理联结不紧密，有点打擦边球，要多思考怎么切题

helenjiUID: 2603217

Thank you corpuscle(小小鸟) and sakuraanne