〓DIES IN FLAMS〓 Issue30 by seiranzcc

seiranzcc1UID: 2514067

Social demand has always been a strengthful impetus for technoligiacal advancement, which indeed makes a great contribution to meeting the requirement of society in turn, and thus improve the whole living condition of people, including more leissure time left by the increasing efficiency. So although increasing efficency is certainly a vital aspect of technology’s function, what the technological advancement should be focused on is how to satisfy the increasing social need and keep the world going ahead.

Every breakthrough of techology is derived from the demand of society and hence makes social advancement possible. Since no society could live in stasis, the development should certainly be primary goal of technological advancement. The first two times of industry revolution machinized we humans' world to meet the augmenting demand of the thriving capitalism, and the information explosion made the whole world to be an integrity by virtual nets because of the requirement of globlization. Of course, the higher efficiency was the most obvious aspect the technological advancement brought to us, the essencial goal of it was actually to meet the bigger appetite of the whole society.

Moreover, some certain type of technology is targeted on the solution to our problems and enabling us to do what we cannot in the early times, rather than improving producticity, or say, increasing the efficiency. One apt illustration to this point is the appliment of radiation to cancer treatment. Few will dispute that we should put this kind of medical technological development in a secondary position because of its failing to offer more leissure time to us by increasing the efficiency. On the contrary, medical technology should always be focused on the final result how well it can make sense in treating people, no matter how much it will take at the very beginning. On general, for this kind of technological advancement, the benefit is the most vital thing.

On the other hand, if some specific kind of technological advancement cannot provide the society with what it calls for, it will be superseded for sure. The distance that technology can go  is largly up to the benefit it brings to the society. What's more, technology that can prominently impels the social development will get the maximizing profits, and they are more likely to achieve advancement.

Admitedly, our efficiency is increasing sharply with the advancement of society. The development of vehicle frees us from the long rough jurney to our destination; the internet offers us an access to the endless sea of information so that we can save the time spended on skanning piles of books. Yet to make efficiency increasing the primary goal of technological advancement might lead to ignorance of the social requirement. Sometimes to satisfy the social need is not equal to increase efficiency. On the contrarory, some technology applied to the society requires a lot of natural source and manpower at the very beginning. For instance, nuclear generation of electricity will provide us with considerable amount of energy, but at the same time, it calls for a great number of  research input that to some extent requires more time. But can we just put it in a secondary position because of its high cost?

Technological advancement has brought a lot to us so that we can enjoy all the benefit of industrial civilization. But in the stance of development, simply focusing on increasing efficiency to leave people more leissure time cannot cover the high-pace demand of this modern society. What the most primary for us to consider is to keep the society going forward, and hence we will have a better life with adequate leissure time.

seiranzcc1UID: 2514067

第一次发的时候，那根本不成文。。。汗，改了一下，谁让初稿被废掉呢，大家写作文要记得保存。。。。。

winning1030UID: 2538401

Social demand has always been a strengthful impetus for technoligiacal advancement, which indeed makes a great contribution to meeting the requirement of society in turn, and thus improve the whole living condition of people, including more leissure time left by the increasing efficiency. So although increasing efficency is certainly a vital aspect of technology’s function, what the technological advancement should be focused on is how to satisfy the increasing social need and keep the world going ahead.

Every breakthrough of techology is derived from the demand of society and hence makes social advancement possible. Since no society could live in stasis, the development should certainly be primary goal of technological advancement. The first two times of industry revolution machinized we humans' world to meet the augmenting demand of the thriving capitalism, and the information explosion made the whole world to be an integrity by virtual nets because of the requirement of globlization. Of course, the higher efficiency was the most obvious aspect the technological advancement brought to us, (but)the essential goal of it was actually to meet the bigger appetite of the whole society.

Moreover, some certain type of technology is targeted on the solution to our problems and enabling us to do what we cannot in the early times, rather than improving producticity, or say, increasing the efficiency. One apt illustration to this point is the appliment(applyment) of radiation to cancer treatment. Few will dispute that we should put this kind of medical technological development in a secondary position because of its failing to offer more leissure time to us by increasing the efficiency. On the contrary, medical technology should always be focused on the final result how well it can make sense in treating people, no matter how much it will take at the very beginning. On general, for this kind of technological advancement, the benefit is the most vital thing.

On the other hand, if some specific kind of technological advancement cannot provide the society with what it calls for, it will be superseded for sure. The distance that technology can go  is largly up to the benefit it brings to the society.(需要具体解释这句话) What's more, technology that can prominently impels the social development will get the maximizing profits, and they are more likely to achieve advancement.

Admitedly, our efficiency is increasing sharply with the advancement of society. The development of vehicle frees us from the long rough jurney to our destination; the internet offers us an access to the endless sea of information so that we can save the time spended on skanning piles of books. Yet to make efficiency increasing the primary goal of technological advancement might lead to ignorance of the social requirement. Sometimes to satisfy the social need is not equal to increase efficiency. On the contrarory, some technology applied to the society requires a lot of natural source and manpower at the very beginning. For instance, nuclear generation of electricity will provide us with considerable amount of energy, but at the same time, it calls for a great number of  research input that to some extent requires more time. But can we just put it in a secondary position because of its high cost?（我觉得这个例子有些不妥。因为你说高效率有时不一定时社会所追求的需要。那么，高效率应该是指某个项目成功后它所带来的高效率而不是在建设它时需要高效率。而且你这段的内容和前面几段的部分其实是重复的。因为你辐射治疗癌症的例子完全可以对应到这里。）Technological advancement has brought a lot to us so that we can enjoy all the benefit of industrial civilization. But in the stance of development, simply focusing on increasing efficiency to leave people more leissure time cannot cover the high-pace demand of this modern society. What the most primary for us to consider is to keep the society going forward, and hence we will have a better life with adequate leissure time.

我觉得楼主的观点还是不错的，好词也很多。但是，觉得逻辑有点混乱。觉得段落的放置有点问题，第五段的内容完全可以整合到你的第二和第三段去，突然在那里写一段很突兀。第四段希望可以拓展下，应该是不错的想法，而且考虑下把第四段的位置放到第二段后面。因为你第二段说Every breakthrough of techology is derived from the demand of society，而第四段的主题句为On the other hand, if some specific kind of technological advancement cannot provide the society with what it calls for, it will be superseded for sure.这样逻辑比较紧密。
最后，把文章先放word改下吧，单词拼写问题多，我就不列出来了。


黄色是好的观点，紫色是可以用的例子，蓝色是好词好句