TOEFL 2009上半年-Dark_Tournament写作组 nlhust 第十八次作业

nlhustUID: 2404239

第十八次作业   w8 ~0 w/ }1 zSome movies are serious, designed to make the audience think. Other movies9 Z! z7 V2 M+ z9 ?- E0 X6 ]are designed primarily to amuse and entertain. Which type of movie do you/ v) i2 e* I; m4 m1 c prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer(03/23/07).



Serious movies win their social status because of the meaningful messages they deliver. Meanwhile, an amusing entertaining movie also have its audiences, who just want to enjoy a movie without thinking a lot. I used to prefer the former, but things changed and my viewpoint changed as well. However, both kinds of movies have their own value.

Serious movie, I thought several years ago, was the only kind of movie which could offer spiritual guidance and contribute to a life of quality. History, humanity, the purpose of live, the inner world of a person and some other problems are concerned in most of these movies. The profound perspectives it holds towards these issues could give me insight into the others’ understanding of life and hardship, through which I can learn more about the meaning of life and how to tackle the potential difficulties. Gone with the Wind, for instance, is one of my favorites because it show me a spirit of never giving up. Scarlett's struggling and attempting to twist life to suit her own wishes made me believe that I can be master of my own destiny. It is no doubt necessary for me to be optimistic and have faith in myself in this hard time.

But it is the entertaining movies which really helped me keep in a good mood as well as be positive about the future. Shortly after I had entered the university, I realized that I had to bear the burden of heavily works on subjects alongside a mess of social activities, and it seemed that I just couldn't do anything well. A felling of frustrating and disappointing occurred to me so that I had no interest in doing anything for a long time, not mention to concentrate my mind on appreciating the thoughtful movies. Situation changed when I followed the suggestion to watch some entertaining movies, which made me laugh heartily. Smiling was surely a good way to lighten the mood for I soon recovered. I could do nothing but attribute the recovery to the so-called amusing movies. What's more, I recognize that not all of this kind of movies are just so silly and meaningless as I thought before, since some of them can also deliver a message of optimism or show a special aspect of life.

Therefore, I regard both kinds of these movies as precious parts of my life. The serious one makes me think about what is life and how to live better while the other one can help me get rid of tired and gain courage to face whatever happens, thus I'll be able to enjoy a better life.

网兜妮妮UID: 2612538

Serious movies win their social status because of the meaningful messages they deliver. Meanwhile, an amusing entertaining movie also have its audiences, who just want to enjoy a movie without thinking a lot. I used to prefer the former, but things changed and my viewpoint changed as well. However, both kinds of movies have their own value. （很欣赏楼主的首段，学习）

Serious movie, I thought several years ago, was the only kind of movie which could offer spiritual guidance and contribute to a life of quality. History, humanity, the purpose of live, the inner world of a person and some other problems are concerned in most of these movies. The profound perspectives it holds towards these issues could give me insight into the others’ understanding of life and hardship, through which I can learn more about the meaning of life and how to tackle the potential difficulties. Gone with the Wind, for instance, is one of my favorites because it show me a spirit of never giving up. Scarlett's struggling and attempting to twist life to suit her own wishes made me believe that I can be a master of my own destiny. It is no doubt necessary for me to be optimistic and have faith in myself in this hard time.
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But it is the entertaining movies which really helped me keep in a good mood as well as be positive about the future. Shortly after I had entered the university, I realized that I had to bear the burden of heavily works on subjects alongside a mess of social activities, and it seemed that I just couldn't do anything well. A felling of frustrating and disappointing occurred to me so that I had no interest in doing anything for a long time, not mention to concentrate my mind on appreciating the thoughtful movies. Situation changed when I followed the suggestion to watch some entertaining movies, which made me laugh heartily. Smiling was surely a good way to lighten the mood for I soon recovered.(喜欢这句的表达) I could do nothing but attribute the recovery to the so-called amusing movies. What's more, I recognize that not all of this kind of movies are just so silly and meaningless as I thought before, since some of them can also deliver a message of optimism or show a special aspect of life.

Therefore, I regard both kinds of these movies as precious parts of my life. The serious one makes me think about what is life and how to live better while the other one can help me get rid of tired and gain courage to face whatever happens, thus I'll be able to enjoy a better life.

楼主的语言表达非常好，而且并没有刻意的用逻辑连接词，但层次很清楚，学习。
觉得结构上再加一段写怎样的情境看严肃电影，怎样的情境看娱乐电影，再小总结一下，it depends...，可能会更好。
总之，向楼主学习啦~

司青UID: 2590811

Serious movies win （倾向用own，have，serious movies一直就有很正统的社会地位）their social status because of the meaningful messages（倾向用information ）they deliver（convey,contain）Meanwhile, an amusing entertaining （中文痕迹浓，中间加and--an amusing and entertaining movie,我水比较浅，不知道能不能这样动词转形容词做修饰，最好还是去问问牛人）movie also have its audiences, who（who不能引导非限制性定语从句吧，逗号去掉）just want to enjoy a movie（这里再用movie就累赘了，换成it或者fun) without thinking a lot（如果用前面的enjoy fun的话，后面的without thinking a lot就可以去掉了，累赘而且表达不地道）. I used to prefer the former, but things changed and my viewpoint changed as well. （两个change,重复，换掉一个，你比如说：my viewpoint turns different as well).However, both kinds of movies（太口语化，在作文中应该杜绝。both of them就可以了） have their own value. $ c6 g8 T%

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Serious movie, I thought （尽量不要出现I这样过于自我化的表述，会让考官怀疑文章的可靠性。换成it， we 等词汇,更客观更有说服性）several years ago, was the only kind of movie which could offer spiritual guidance and contribute to a life of quality。在初步臆测你的意思后我觉得这句话这样表述会更恰当一些：As we all know,serious movies were more acceptable to most of us several years ago.With its great impact on human's daily life,serious movies give us guidence in the level of spirit, which enable us to have a better life.History, humanity, the purpose of live, the inner world of a person and some other problems are concerned in most of these movies. The profound perspectives it holds towards these issues could (删掉）give me（us更客观) an insight into the（去掉） others’ understanding of life and hardship, through which I can learn more about the meaning（significance）of life and how to tackle the potential difficulties. Gone with the Wind, for instance, is one of my favorites（favorite movies） because it show me a spirit of never giving up.（我比较倾向这样写：because it demonstrate the truth of never giving up.）Scarlett's struggling and attempting to twist life to suit her own wishes （这个主语相当混乱啊......)made me believe that I can be master of my own destiny. (你看可不可以这么写：It is Scarlett's courage and determination that encourage me to overcome the obstacles.)It is no doubt necessary for me to be optimistic and have faith in myself in this hard time.(这个句子就不要了吧.....）

But (However,) it is the entertaining movies which really helped me to keep in a good mood as well as to be positive about the future. Shortly after I had entered the university, I realized that I had to bear (bear有点贬义了，我觉得face比较好）the burden of heavily works on subjects alongside a mess of （同样是贬义，形容一团糟，应该换个大量的同义词）social activities, and it seemed that I just couldn't do anything well. A felling （feeling)of frustrating and disappointing occurred to me so that I had no interest in doing anything for a long time, not mention to concentrate my mind on appreciating the thoughtful movies. Situation changed when I followed the suggestion to watch some entertaining movies, which made me laugh heartily(?). Smiling was surely a good way to lighten the mood for I soon recovered.(relax from the stress) .I could do nothing but attribute the recovery to the so-called amusing movies. What's more, I recognize that not all of this kind of movies are just so silly and meaningless as I thought before, since some of them can also deliver a message of optimism or show a special aspect of life.( V4 B2 Z; b# l7 o& D. g- O/ d
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Therefore, I regard both kinds of these movies as precious parts of inmy life. The serious one makes me think about what is life and how to live better while the other one can help me get rid of tired and gain courage to face whatever happens, thus I'll be able to enjoy a better life.

司青UID: 2590811

没改完就提交了，不好意思啊。。。。继续改继续改

nlhustUID: 2404239

2# 网兜妮妮

多谢鼓励，建议很好，感觉加上那样的总结的话文章就显得更完整了，不过我的想法是在最后一段用一两句点出就好，不然估计我就要啰嗦一段废话了。
其实我后来看这篇文章觉得里面貌似都没没论证什么东西啊，不知道怎么样才能够做到一大段都在充实的说理还不重复，最后还要用例子很好的印证，苦恼中。。

I can be a master of my own destiny

这个地方应该是个固定的短语，be master of your own fate/destiny

正在努力拍文中，会尽快将你的文章拍好的。。

nlhustUID: 2404239

3# 司青
改的这么详细，好感动哦！很有收获，用词方面我觉得自己一直都很有问题，还有就是很容易就累赘的使用从句了，正在努力改变现状。。
另外就是有些你修改的地方我有些疑问：

an amusing entertaining （中文痕迹浓，中间加and--an amusing and entertaining movie,我水比较浅，不知道能不能这样动词转形容词做修饰，

这个地方确实是手误，是要在中间加个and的，另外不太明白你说的动词转形容词做修饰是什么意思,如果是指用amusing和entertaining这两个词的话是可以的，它们本来就是形容词了。

movie also have its audiences, who（who不能引导非限制性定语从句吧，逗号去掉）

我查了一下薄冰语法，who是可以用来引导非限制性定语从句，而且我这个地方想表达的意思就是所有amusing movie的audience都属于只想enjoy fun的，如果用限制性定语从句的话似乎表达的意思就会有些改变了，好像成了amusing movie的audience里面有一部分是just want to enjoy fun的人。（这种说法是在张满胜的语法新思维里看到的）$ c6 g8 T%& r: j% ^" X; s; w2 `1 K d8 U( |- ~& ~' D0 ?$ Z, b+ T' P( K+ E& y7 R8 L" {6 h1 C7 f) @& |. z9 _* |7 b. n

Serious movie, I thought （尽量不要出现I这样过于自我化的表述，会让考官怀疑文章的可靠性。换成it， we 等词汇,更客观更有说服性）several years ago, was the only kind of movie which could offer spiritual guidance and contribute to a life of quality。

这个地方我估计你是没有理解我的意思，我是想说“我在几年前认为：serious movie was the only kind of ......”，不过这个地方是不是不该这么用啊，thought换成另外一个词，还是怎么样呢？能给个建议吗？
不过我觉得改成你那样句式也挺好，就是不能表达出我前后思想转变的感觉了。

The profound perspectives it holds towards these issues could (删掉）give me（us更客观) an insight into the（去掉） others’ understanding of life and hardship

这个地方，就像我前面说的，因为是说我更喜欢哪个，所以我的重点本来就是放在我的身上的，没有想要很客观的说，因此我觉得这个地方还是用me比较好。

is one of my favorites（favorite movies）

这个美式英语的话应该是favourites，这里favourite本来就可以表达最喜欢的事物，还是可数名词，因此不加movies也可以吧，或者还有什么其他的问题？) e5 ~$ V% }# a) o

But (However,) it is the entertaining movies which really helped me to keep in a good mood ...

这里不太明白为什么要改成However，能不能说明一下啊？
我是在看Economist 时看到了一段用这种句型开头的，而且觉得But用的感觉很强烈很好所以这里就这么写了。

bear (bear有点贬义了，我觉得face比较好）the burden of heavily works on subjects alongside a mess of （同样是贬义，形容一团糟，应该换个大量的同义词）social activities

这两个地方本意就是想表达一种很无法忍受的感觉，其实我觉得在写的时候就是带有些许贬义色彩的，以表示那段时间心情很不好，这些事情看起来都很烦，你看看如果是这种意思的话是不是可以不用换掉了呢？

which mademe laugh heartily(?)

heartily  
heart·i·ly /ˈhɑːtɪli US ˈhɑːr-/ adv
with energy and enjoyment
　'Great to see you,' she said heartily.
　Hugh laughed heartily at the joke.


这个是朗文里的解释，我的感觉就是由衷的真心的笑了出来的意思

就这些了，希望能就某些问题在探讨一下，再次说声谢谢了，我真的是受益匪浅啊！

拍文我会尽快完成的。

司青UID: 2590811

呵呵，我的水不深，所以呢，改的地方肯定有我自己都不知道的错误呢。大家一起探讨一起进步么。本人语法果真是烂到家，诸位看了别笑话就成，o(∩_∩)o...

司青UID: 2590811

1.an amusing entertaining （中文痕迹浓，中间加and--an amusing and entertaining movie,我水比较浅，不知道能不能这样动词转形容词做修饰，

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这个地方确实是手误，是要在中间加个and的，另外不太明白你说的动词转形容词做修饰是什么意思,如果是指用amusing和entertaining这两个词的话是可以的，它们本来就是形容词了。

学习！查了资料，补了漏洞！以后也这么用。



2.movie also have its audiences, who（who不能引导非限制性定语从句吧，逗号去掉

我查了一下薄冰语法，who是可以用来引导非限制性定语从句，而且我这个地方想表达的意思就是所有amusing movie的audience都属于只想enjoy fun的，如果用限制性定语从句的话似乎表达的意思就会有些改变了，好像成了amusing movie的audience里面有一部分是just want to enjoy fun的人。（这种说法是在张满胜的语法新思维里看到的

本人高中时语法题一般是10个错5个的。。。。。语法书里查的，我闭嘴，(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

3.Serious movie, I thought （尽量不要出现I这样过于自我化的表述，会让考官怀疑文章的可靠性。换成it， we 等词汇,更客观更有说服性）several years ago, was the only kind of movie which could offer spiritual guidance and contribute to a life of quality。
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这个地方我估计你是没有理解我的意思，我是想说“我在几年前认为：serious movie was the only kind of ......”，不过这个地方是不是不该这么用啊，thought换成另外一个词，还是怎么样呢？能给个建议吗？( x2 x: j* h7 a; s4 y2 p
不过我觉得改成你那样句式也挺好，就是不能表达出我前后思想转变的感觉了。

这个是个人意见，呵呵，许轶的作文书里反复强调文章客观性的，所以我思维一直紧绷，作文里避免出现I think等词语。你说我改完以后就不是原来的意思了，我真的是水平有限翻译不出来。。。。纠结这个句子半天我也不知道怎么改。有时候用中文写文章出来的句子的确是很漂亮，也特别舍不得改。可是，我不会用英文表达啊，表达出来的也特别怪异前后连不起来，故而我只好用我自己会的方式，力求表达的英文地道，而不是中文地道。你再找牛人给你修改修改. ?，我也2 ~/ t( C" V，) S: M+ M1 g
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The profound perspectives it holds towards these issues could (删掉）give me（us更客观) an insight into the（去掉） others’ understanding of life and hardship

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这个地方，就像我前面说的，因为是说我更喜欢哪个，所以我的重点本来就是放在我的身上的，没有想要很客观的说，因此我觉得这个地方还是用me比较好。

我还是受许轶的书影响较深，书里有一句话说，“学术论文的语气要求只有一个——客观。许多中国考生喜欢用Ithink，I believe这样的短语，殊不知这些实在是学术论文的大忌。其实托福作文最多写到in my opinion 就是客观的边缘了。因此最好不要出现I这样的第一人称的写法，最好能用one,we,it等等这样的客观词。另外，使用试探性性也是一种非常好的方法。尽管自信很重要，但是过于自信往往会令读者怀疑你的可靠性。”

is one of my favorites（favorite movies）

这个美式英语的话应该是favourites，这里favourite本来就可以表达最喜欢的事物，还是可数名词，因此不加movies也可以吧，或者还有什么其他的问题？) e5 ~$ V% }# a) o. v" G  Y# I+ {3 E. D; K7 Z9 ~

我个人觉得是一个指代不明的问题，我知道可以这样表达，但是你毕竟是在写一篇论文，这里还是不要怕麻烦，说清楚比较好。喜欢的东西有很多，我喜欢食物，喜欢帅哥，还是喜欢电影？？

But (However,) it is the entertaining movies which really helped me to keep in a good mood ...
这里不太明白为什么要改成However，能不能说明一下啊？
我是在看Economist 时看到了一段用这种句型开头的，而且觉得But用的感觉很强烈很好所以这里就这么写了。

个人习惯。我比较喜欢用However,严重觉得自己老了。。。。。

bear (bear有点贬义了，我觉得face比较好）the burden of heavily works on subjects alongside a mess of （同样是贬义，形容一团糟，应该换个大量的同义词）social activities

这两个地方本意就是想表达一种很无法忍受的感觉，其实我觉得在写的时候就是带有些许贬义色彩的，以表示那段时间心情很不好，这些事情看起来都很烦，你看看如果是这种意思的话是不是可以不用换掉了呢？


恩，这些活动和功课本身也有好的一面，这样写，未免有些偏激。我写东西比较中庸，这个你自己看吧。2 [" Q( y7中文 B9 I% n

which mademe laugh heartily(?)

heartily  . ~) z3 L( H1 j1 F# K( [/ [; r( q
heart·i·ly /ˈhɑːtɪli US ˈhɑːr-/ adv # ]* j0 f0 J) L; f# Z$ E( [4 v
with energy and enjoyment9 N) |4 J3 J. o8 r: e
　'Great to see you,' she said heartily.
  r* E% j# n7 f　Hugh laughed heartily at the joke.2 K' D# E2 d/ k. i5 U1 `

这个是朗文里的解释，我的感觉就是由衷的真心的笑了出来的意思

恩，我看成heavily了。。。。。
:L

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就这些了，希望能就某些问题在探讨一下，再次说声谢谢了，我真的是受益匪浅啊！

nlhustUID: 2404239

嗯，ls说的很有道理，我以后也应该尽量做到用有把握的方式做出地道的表达，中式英语啊。太恐怖了。。

客观性的问题我也有考虑过，不过看到OG上面给的那片五分范文，其实就是在说自己的观点，论证段落很大一部分都是基于个人的，所以我觉得托福的要求估计不像Issue,学术性要求并不高，而着重看的是个人对问题的理解和解决？？不过也有可能是我对范文的解读错误？？ 反正这几天一直在纠结这个问题，和同学讨论也是意见不一啊。。

指代问题倒是一直被我忽略了，多谢ls的提醒。。

网兜妮妮UID: 2612538

9# nlhust
也在T，G同时开工吗？看到你提到issue了。。。issue那个行文逻辑要求实在很高，我这两天弄得都头痛了。
看到楼上的们说得种种，我也提高啦，谢谢谢谢。
一起加油咯~~

nlhustUID: 2404239

去年考过，不过准备不当没什么提高，成绩不好，所以这次还是写的很辛苦。。
一起加油！！