〓DIES IN FLAMS〓 Issue119 by 小北

seiranzcc1UID: 2514067

红色--疑问
蓝色--我的想法
紫色--很好
绿色--建议



There is no doubt that the fruit of the researches among different areas brings a lot of benefits to our people's lives, which promotes the society to a higher level. However, not all the fields are worth making efforts to, such as ones out of date or make none promise to the future. Thus, it is necessary for us to filter and give priority to the much more significant fields.

In order to make the sensible choices, we should take the quality of people's lives into account . The value of the research depends on whether it makes improvement to people's lives or contributions to our society. Take the domain of medicine for example. More and more patients have recovered soon and become healthier after accepting the advanced medical treatments. The government grant a lot of money to this realm which accelerate the medical groups to make vital breakthrough against diseases, especially the fatal ones, which make us live in a better life. In addition, the science creates possibilities for us to live much more comfortable, the education enriches people's spiritual world, and the martial progress makes our country stronger. Nevertheless, there are also some areas such as archaeology which do not bring direct meaning to people's lives or the society, under this case, we should have points of focus （表达“重点”？）when doing research.
这段论述的很好，例子也很丰富，但是个人有那么一个感觉就是既然是说“应当考虑人们的生活质量”，那么在举例科技带来种种好处时，是不是要稍微提下“正是这样，我们应该在这些领域里花更多。。。”之类的（不知道有没有说清楚），当然，文中是提到了政府对医学的大力支持，最后也说了我们应该有重点，但是我觉得总结性的东西还是加一点。（呃。。。我感觉没表达清楚自己想说什么）

Admittedly the standard of the people's lives is an essential factor to the choices, it is not the most important element according to various researching groups. （从most important来，不绝对，又容易展开）Other aspects such as environment, national defence and population should be considered as well. For example, from the standpoint of the scientists who do research in aviation domain, the most significant issue is to explore the space that our human beings have not known rather than to consider how many peoples' lives will be improved. Also, the demographers set their focus on whether the world's population is under control, researchers in military devote themselves to enhance the national defence, and sustainable development is a topic which environmentalists show the greatest interest in. Thus, we can safely draw a conclusion that people in different fields take dissimilar questions into account, that is to say every group has their own most important question due to the various backgrounds they come from.

Of course, all what I have said above （are） depend on whether the researches are successful when they are put into practice. No one prefers to see the failures when the researches come to the public. In order to strengthen the confidence in the success, diverse realms should cooperate with each other rather than work separately. In the background of global diversification, everything connects closely today. When it comes to the civilizations of the human beings, it is not only the education, but also art, history, science and other related fields that make invaluable contributions to it. With the fast development of technology today, nearly every area will benefit from any others more or less, those who present exclusive attitude while doing research will definitely be selected in the end.
首段提出的论点是“we should filter and give priority”，而三段论证里没有太多的说“filter”的问题，第一段说要考虑科技带来的结果，第二段是除了people之外要考虑别的因素，第三段是为了取得成功要怎么做，当然这些拿来论证私认为可以，但是似乎是缺乏了必要的说理和过渡，显得和总的观点有些脱节了

As citizens, we may mostly concentrate on the results of the researches regardless of how hard the process that the researches get through, which brings those professionals sever pressure and misgivings. Instead, much confidence and encouragement should be given to them while doing the researches that will really in the service of the people and the society.
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大致就是这些，文句流畅，句意表达也很明确，就是觉得段落间的过渡再紧密一些就好了

ddcmj519UID: 176326

语法有问题
很不错
内容待商榷
我对文章的总体感觉

There is no doubt that the fruit of the researches among different areas brings a lot of benefits to our people's lives, which（这个which的指代有点问题。应该你是想指no doubt 后的that那句，但是这么写有指代前面整句的嫌疑，长句经常会出现指代错误，所以尤其是开头不建议写太长） promotes the society to a higher level. However, not all the fields are worth making efforts to, such as ones （fields out of date？有么。。我不了解。。）out of date or make none promise to the future. Thus, it is necessary for us to filter and give priority to the much more significant fields. 重点放在学科选择上，强调与时俱进。

In order to make the sensible choice, we should take the quality of people's lives into account . The value of the research depends on whether it makes improvement to people's lives or contributions to our society（improve 和contribute都是抽象词，具体点可能会更好，而且感觉这句很啰嗦，容易和whether or 的用法混,我建议改成whether it improves people's living standard.）. Take the domain of medicine for example. More and more patients have recovered soon and become healthier （要是治病不能更健康治了干嘛。。啰嗦again）after accept the advanced medical treatments.（这一整句都不太好，没能强调出这个比较对象，看下我改的 more and more patients get easier treatments and  recover much sooner with stronger body after the advanced health-care service后半句比较土。。.） The government grant a lot of money to this realm which accelerate the medical groups to make vital breakthrough against diseases, especially the fatal ones, which makes us live in a better life （定语从句收敛着点，一句2which，看着别扭。。）. In addition, the science creates possibilities for us to live much more comfortable, the education enriches people's spiritual world, and the martial progress makes our country stronger. Nevertheless, there are also some areas such as archaeology which do not bring direct meaning to people's lives or the society. Under this case, we should have points of focus when doing research.开头还觉得是科技以人为本的，从Nevertheless开始就不知道你要表达什么意思了。。最后一句更是莫名。。

Admittedly the standard of the people's lives is an essential factor to the choices(感觉奇怪，不会改- -), it is not the most important element according to various researching groups. Other aspects such as environment, national defence and population should be considered as well. For example, from the standpoint of the scientists who do research in aviation domain, the most significant issue is to explore the space that our human beings do not know rather than to consider how many peoples' lives will be improved. Also, the demographers set their focus on whether the world's population is under control, researchers in military devote themselves to enhance the national defence, and sustainable development is a topic which environmentalists show the greatest interest in. Thus, we can safely draw a conclusion （一边觉得好一边觉得像模板。。）that people in different fields take dissimilar questions into account, that is to say every group has their own most important question due to the various backgrounds they come from.这点讨论还不够深刻，先是国家设定priority（这个好像是你假设的，我觉得有这意思），后面这里变成了人在不同fields的不同priority。也不错，但是我觉得是有这么个先后顺序的，作为国家，先 满足大众吃饱穿暖，再 保证自己的安全， 才能 满足对事物的求知欲。 再说fields的个人，首先还是吃饭，然后是为了在某个领域取得成绩，或者对真理的渴求（这是scientists），还有engineer，最后为了工作更有效率，使自己的成果广泛应用。每个人都有自己的想法，而这些想法不是因为其职业所限定的，但这想法确实因为自身需求而局限。就觉得你这里都只是停留在表像上了。   额。我说的不对咱再BS下~？）

Of course, all that I have said above are dependent on whether the researches are successful when they are put into practice. No one prefers to see the failures when the researches come to the public. In order to strengthen the confidence in the success, diverse realms should cooperate with each other rather than work separately. In the background of global diversification, everything connects closely today. When it comes to the civilizations of the human beings, it is not only the education, but also art, history, science and other related fields that make invaluable contributions to it. With the fast development of technology today, nearly every area will benefit from any others more or less, those who present exclusive attitude while doing research will definitely be selected in the end.（别打我。。我觉得就是一段废话。。谁都知道发展是有联系的，但先后顺序肯定是有的，比如我们国家现在就是经济发展为主，多问一个为什么？为什么？因为我们还有人饿肚子，因为我们还缺钱花。所以现在积极开展的都是些服务与经济发展的。可能你要说国防，难道不是服务与其么？保证了国家稳固以后才能更好的发展，是这道理吧？重心肯定是有的。只是你没发现罢了。。）

As citizens, we may mostly concentrate on the results of the researches regardless of how hard the process that the researches get through, which brings those professionals sever pressure and misgivings. Instead, much confidence and encouragement should be given to them while doing the researches that will really in the service of the people and the society.（第一句有点偏题了是不。我一直以为你这里是以政府的角度说的。而且题目中的if suc 是假设条件，也就是应该承认的，重点应该是priority set to which 所以感觉小北这个有点偏题+讨论不深入。整体行文比较流畅，但还是比较啰嗦，实质性的内容比较有限~）
加油~
我也只是会说，自己也不一定做的到~        ：p

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

There is no doubt that the fruit of the researches among different areas brings a lot of benefits to our people's lives（life做生活讲不可数）, which promotes the society（咳咳，切记切记society前不能加the!!） to a higher level. However, not all the fields are worth making efforts to, such as ones out of date or make none（no） promise to the future. Thus, it is necessary for us to filter and give priority（priorities）
to the much more significant fields.
(到这里，我没看到你的观点，前面一系列叙述都是在说题目中When research priorities are being set for science, education, or any other area,这句话的必要性，但注意这个题的提点在后半句，观点在开头亮出来比较好吧？)
In order to make the sensible choices, we should take the quality of people's lives into account . The value of the research depends on whether it makes improvement to people's lives or contributions to our society. Take the domain of medicine for example. More and more patients have recovered soon and become healthier after accept（accepting） the advanced medical treatments. The government grant a lot of money to this realm which accelerate(这个词用在这有点chinglish了，显然不合适) the medical groups to make vital breakthrough against diseases, especially the fatal ones, which makes us live（可以换成lead，避免用词单一） in（删去） a better life. In addition, the science creates possibilities for us to live much more comfortable（comfortably）, the education enriches people's spiritual world, and the martial progress makes our country stronger. Nevertheless, there are also some areas such as archaeology which do not bring direct meaning to people's lives or the society,
under this case, we should have points of focus when doing research.
（到这里，我还没看到你的观点，你到底对“把提高人们生活质量作为research首要要考虑的问题”这句话持什么看法？？着急ing。。。。。单看这段来说这段开头提示我们要论述考虑提高人们生活质量的必要性了，这个没问题，但你的body部分竟然是想用“resarch提高了人们生活”==）“所以research时我们要考虑提高人们生活的问题”，前者是research的结果，有没有后者的功劳都不一定，如果是因为后者有了前者，能用结果来推原因么？这个逻辑讲不通啊。再者，看我标注的紫色的两句话，一个意思，你开头加第二段也实际就在讲一个意思，那么精简吧，对与论题关系不大的部分一笔带过即可）

Admittedly the standard of the people's lives is an essential factor to the choices, it is not the most important element according to various researching groups（终于看到你的观点了，其实我一开始想看的就是这句话，个人认为ETS应该也这样想，累！！）. Other aspects such as environment, national defence and population should be considered as well. For example, from the standpoint of the scientists who do research in aviation domain, the most significant issue is to explore the space that our human beings have not known rather than to consider how many peoples' lives will be improved（不同意，你说开发外太空的终极目的是啥？难道 仅仅是为了探索？人类早没那么单纯了，好奇心肯定是有的，但其本质目的是为了拓展人类生活空间，发展太空科技，培育个太空菜椒啥的，这些又是为了啥？还不是为了解决地球资源紧张，提高人们生活嘛）. Also, the demographers set their focus on whether the world's population is under control, researchers in military devote themselves to enhance the national defence, and sustainable development is a topic which environmentalists show the greatest interest in. Thus, we can safely draw a conclusion that people in different fields take dissimilar questions into account, that is to say every group has their own most important question due to the various backgrounds they come from.
（这段的意思就是因为各个领域有各自的most important question，所以不能一概而论，这个用来推你的ts是没问题，但你就想用这个推出“不应把提高生活质量作为首要问题”?诚然，你说的这个原因是一方面，但太浅了吧，我们就因为各个领域的差异就不应支持题目了？？
）
Of course, all what I have said above are depend on whether the researches are successful when they are put into practice（老实说，看到这句话我就不想往下看了，这个是否成功跟你要证得或题目想让你正的“most”的问题有么关系？？）. No one prefers to see the failures when the researches come to the public. In order to strengthen the confidence in the success, diverse realms should cooperate with each other rather than work separately. In the background of global diversification, everything connects closely today. When it comes to the civilizations of the human beings, it is not only the education, but also art, history, science and other related fields that make invaluable contributions to it. With the fast development of technology today, nearly every area will benefit from any others more or less, those who present exclusive attitude while doing research will definitely be selected in the end.
（出于认真对待的目的，我看完了，然后发现果然是废话。。。。。或者，你告诉我你写这段的目的是啥？也可能我没理解到。。。）
As citizens, we may mostly concentrate on the results of the researches regardless of how hard the process that the researches get through, which brings those professionals sever pressure and misgivings. Instead, much confidence and encouragement should be given to them while doing the researches that will really in the service of the people and the society.
（好嘛，这个结尾彻底把文章给带跑没影了，看到最后居然成了“人们要给予研究者宽容”？？？？我没法评价了）
Summary:北草GG述米饭直言，这篇文章严重跑题，全文仅仅只用中间一小段说了题目想要的问题，况且还没给人说清楚，举得例子也不能说服人，结尾更是决定了你这个文章百分之百跑了。
然后就是小的语法错误很多。
这篇批得有点狠，GG别介意，有啥问题或则会改的不对的地方也尽管提，米饭是抱着学习态度滴~