TOEFL 2009上半年-Dark_Tournament写作组 HYPS2011第二十次作业

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

someone who argue that keep an eye on the events happening around the world is imperative while another troop think they just need to care about trivial matters in daily life. Different figures may hold different viewpoints,as far as I am concerned .i certainly stand the point that we should try our best to notice the things of the whole world even if those do not relate to our daily life.

One of the greatest benefits of knowing the events happening around the world is that we can learn new and different places, cultures, customs and so forth. Admittedly, the diverse viewpoints not only presents totally new information.but also casts a new light on old opinions.as a matter of fact, knowledge is accumulated along the life time, often learning the outside world can refresh us and subsequently people become more knowledgeable about the world and about themselves. you may probably find that people
is always welcome and respected because of his wide horizon and eloquent ability.so such events not simply deepens and enriches our life and lets us become more knowledge and thus more welcome as well.

Additionally, taking attention to international events can provides accurate directions .as a college student we must grasp the current trend of our major.governors politics, new technology and employment are all crucial for our further professional developemt .in order to stand the incompetitive positon after graduation we must
acquaint with all the situations around the world to make full preparations. Similarly a company manager, in most cases ,as a analysis is responsible to predict the market and make judgments to guide the employees product to meet the society needs. Only be familiar with the products circumstances can he/she become the right pilot .thus he/she must clear about the things happening around the world though the rewards might not be immediately apparent .

Finally ,another essential factor is that as a cross-century talent and the times requiring. highly -developed technology tighten everyone together living on earth.we become neighbors with foreigners. So every citizen must care about more than before in order to get well with our new companions. Internet,television and newspapers are all available to meet the needs for better know the world.

To sum up ,from what has been diccussed above,we can safely come to the point that knowing the events happening around the world is urgent under nowadays environment ascribing to individual development,new times requiring and so on.

RexHuUID: 2400351

someone who argue that keep an eye on the events happening around the world is imperative while another troop think they just need to care about trivial matters in daily life. Different figures may hold different viewpoints, as far as I am concerned .i certainly stand the point that we should try our best to notice the things of the whole world even if those do not relate to our daily life.' p" M9 L3 F5 B
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One of the greatest benefits of knowing the events happening around the world is that we can learn new and different places, cultures, customs and so forth. Admittedly, the diverse viewpoints not only presents totally new information. but also casts a new light on old opinions. as a matter of fact, knowledge is accumulated along the life time, often learning the outside world can refresh us and subsequently people become more knowledgeable about the world and about themselves. you may probably find that people , @$ q" w: [6 Q8 j
is always welcome and respected because of his wide horizon and eloquent ability.
（这句话是不是有点离题？感觉很突兀）so such events not simply deepens and enriches our life and lets us become more knowledge（knowledgeable） and thus more welcome as well." |: v$ ?; w. X# L; L8 k1 B4 b
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Additionally, taking attention to international events can provides accurate directions .as a college student （这里把第二段的论据陷在大学生不大好，说现代的所有人也没有关系吧）we must grasp the current trend of our major. governors politics, new technology and employment are all crucial for our further professional developemt .in order to stand the incompetitive(没这词) positon after graduation we must
" J0 U' h9 _* N  z& \2 _" I+ _acquaint with all the situations around the world to make full preparations. Similarly a company manager, in most cases ,as a analysis is responsible to predict the market and make judgments to guide the employees product to meet the society needs. Only be familiar with the products circumstances can he/she become the right pilot .（这里感觉不好，familiar with circumstance 也不能说knowing events happening around the world, 再加几句说充分一些。）thus he/she must clear about the things happening around the world though the rewards might not be immediately apparent . （这里提到的没有回报上面没讲，应该说为以后。。做好充分准备比较好）! \* [8 [8 U/ R- L: Y
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Finally ,another essential factor is that as a cross-century talent and the times requiring. highly -developed technology tighten everyone together living on earth.we become neighbors with foreigners. So every citizen must care about more than before in order to get well with our new companions. Internet,television and newspapers are all available to meet the needs for better know the world.（这句话不切题多余了）


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5 d. l- c! V& ]' T: T5 Q5 zTo sum up ,from what has been diccussed above,we can safely come to the point that knowing the events happening around the world is urgent under nowadays environment ascribing to（这里我看不懂，是什么意思？） individual development, new times requiring and so on.
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注意下格式的标准。很多处的标点后没空一格。首字母大写。有几处的动词多了s
感觉楼主的词汇很丰富，就是具体的例子少了。

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

楼上改的很细致
注意下乱码问题

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

2# RexHu
RexHu(萝卜)改得很仔细哈! 3gs.对了刚发现我们是校友 ZJU  Ascribe ->ascribing to 归咎于…..

wazzaUID: 2473807

someone who argue that keep an eye on the events happening around the world is imperative while another troop think they just need to care about trivial matters in daily life. Different figures may hold different viewpoints,as far as I am concerned(  两句反过来好点 ） .i certainly stand the point that we should try our best to notice the things of the whole world even if those do not relate to our daily life.: v#

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One of the greatest benefits of knowing the events happening around the world is that we can learn new and different places, cultures, customs and so forth. Admittedly, the diverse viewpoints not only presents totally new information.but also casts a new light on old opinions.as a matter of fact, knowledge is accumulated along the life time, often learning the outside world can refresh us and subsequently people become more knowledgeable about the world and about themselves. you may probably find that people always welcome and respected because of his（ their ）wide horizon and eloquent ability.so such events not simply deepens and enriches our life and lets us become more knowledge and thus more welcome as well（读起来有点拗口）.: X1 |/ {( O' p- Z( p! o

Additionally, taking attention to international events can provides accurate directions .as a college student we must grasp the current trend of our major.governors politics, new technology and employment are all crucial for our further professional developemt .in order to stand the incompetitive positon after graduation we must x4 q* v2 a+ Tacquain tourselves with all the situations around the world to make full preparations. Similarly a company manager, in most cases ,as a analysis（这里句子构成有点问题） is responsible to predict the market and make judgments to guide the employees product to meet the society needs. Only be familiar with the products circumstances can he/she become the right pilot .thus he/she must clear about the things happening around the world ，though the rewards might not be immediately apparent . 8 |+ Z+ h, ~9 f$ _+ r
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Finally ,another essential factor is that as a cross-century talent and the times requiring.（什么意思） highly -developed technology tighten everyone together living on earth.we become neighbors with foreigners. So every citizen must care about more than before in order to get well with our new companions. Internet,television and newspapers are all available to meet the needs for better know the world.

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To sum up ,from what has been diccussed above,we can safely come to the point that knowing the events happening around the world is urgent under nowadays environment ascribing to individual development,new times requiring and so on

1.建议多用点具体例子，还有就是一些长句可以分开写。

bb980UID: 2527518

        Someone who argue that keeps eyes on the events happening around the world is imperative while another troop think they just need to care about trivial matters in daily life. Different figures may hold different viewpoints,as far as I am concerned .i certainly stand the point that we should try our best to notice the things of the whole world even if those do not relate to our daily life.(开头提出论点，很好)
    One of the greatest benefits of knowing the events happening around the world is that we can learn new and different places, cultures, customs and so forth. Admittedly, the diverse viewpoints not only presents（主谓要一致） totally new information.but also casts a new light（主谓一致） on old opinions.as a matter of fact, knowledge is accumulated along the life time, often learning the outside world can refresh us and subsequently people become more knowledgeable about the world and about（可以删掉） themselves. you may probably find that people is always welcome and respected because of his、her（避免性别歧视） wide horizon and eloquent ability.so such events not simply deepens and enriches our lives and lets us become more knowledge and thus more welcome as well.4 b1 h- r( B5 v% r  B6 x- F" S
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    Additionally, taking attention to international events can provides accurate directions .as a college student we must grasp the current trend of our major.governors politics, new technology and employment are all crucial for our further professional developemt .（这句话也太长了吧...貌似语法也有错误）in order to stand the incompetitive positon after graduation we must acquaint with all the situations around the world to make full preparations. Similarly a company manager, in most cases ,as a analysis is responsible to predict the market and make judgments to guide the employees product to meet the society needs. Only be familiar with the products circumstances can he/she become the right pilot .thus he/she must clear about the things happening around the world though the rewards might not be immediately apparent .
   
     Finally ,another essential factor is that as a cross-century talent and the times requiring. highly -developed technology tighten everyone together living on earth.we become neighbors with foreigners. So every citizen must care about more than before in order to get well with our new companions. Internet,television and newspapers are all available to meet the needs for better know the world.
    To sum up ,from what has been diccussed above,we can safely come to the point that knowing the events happening around the world is urgent under nowadays environment ascribing to individual development,new times （复数代表次数的意思吧）requiring and so on.
注意下主谓一致的问题，多举点例子~！

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nlhustUID: 2404239

someonewho (去掉)argue that keep an eye on the events happening around the world isimperative while another troop think they just need to care abouttrivial matters in daily life. Different figures may hold differentviewpoints,as far as I am concerned .i certainly stand the point thatwe should try our best to notice the things of the whole world even ifthose do（are） not relate to our daily life.( w. L  v$ X; K- x: ^
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Oneof the greatest benefits of knowing the events happening around theworld is that we can learn new and different places, cultures, customsand so forth. Admittedly, the diverse viewpoints not only presentstotally new information.but also casts a new light on old opinions.as amatter of fact, knowledge is accumulated along the life time, oftenlearning the outside world can refresh us and subsequently peoplebecome more knowledgeable about the world and about themselves. you mayprobably find that people 4 K2 w) b* v* f" ]+ ~, `
is（are） always welcome and respected because of his（their） wide horizon andeloquent ability.so such events not simply deepens and enriches ourlife and
(and改成but also)lets us become more knowledge （？）and thus more welcome as well.
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Additionally,taking attention to international events can provides （provide）accuratedirections .as a college student we must grasp the current trend of ourmajor.governors politics, new technology and employment are all crucialfor our further professional developemt .in order to stand theincompetitive positon (stand似乎不能这么用)after graduation we must
3 ^( F7 d% T- B+ R% yacquaint withall the situations around the world to make full preparations.Similarly a company manager, in most cases ,as a analysis isresponsible to predict the market and make judgments to guide theemployees product to meet the society needs. Only be familiar with theproducts circumstances can he/she become the right pilot .thus he/shemust clear about the things happening around the world though therewards might not be immediately apparent .

Finally,another essential factor is that as a cross-century talent and thetimes requiring. （这样说有点问题吧）highly -developed technology tighten everyone togetherliving on earth.we become neighbors with foreigners. So every citizenmust care about more than before in order to get well with our newcompanions. Internet,television and newspapers are all available tomeet the needs for better know the world.

Tosum up ,from what has been diccussed above,we can safely come to thepoint that knowing the events happening around the world is urgentunder nowadays environment ascribing to individual development,newtimes requiring and so on.

楼主词汇很丰富，看楼主的文章我自己都学会了好些词！论证逻辑很清晰，不过倒数第二段还可以扩充一下，举点身边的例子什么的。。
句首注意大写

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

6# bb980
感谢你的意见 哈！我会好好改一下。3KS

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

7# nlhust
become more knowledgable 哈 ，写错了。
not simply...as well 如果再加 but also 可能有点重复。
谢谢哈 很多细节 都指出来了