TOEFL 2009上半年-Dark_Tournament写作组HYPS 第21次作业

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

When it refers to how to properly spend money .the discussion of this issue among individuals and in society as a whole, has came to vague during the last decade.it is commony accepted that spending money on something that lasts long time.others,however,take the negative attitude.in my view ,I prefer the former rather than spending on short –term pleasure as my inclination.

The main reason for my propensity to use money on something that lasts long time is that we can enjoy the product much longer..a jewelry you giving
to your girl friend for instance.she may take it as a treasure until being missed .while if you have a costly dinner together. the temporary sensation slips her mind several days later even faster for sure..let’s bring our discussion here to a more present and practical context.it can be given a concrete example that house is the basic prerequisite for living.such spending is imperative and sensible. Obviously ,most lasting long time things are usually necessities in life that such spending is preferable and should be considered first by everyone .

Another equally essential factor that I advocate spending money on something that last long time involves the realm of future .no one can deny the fact that what tomorrow will bring is unpredictable.the only thing we can do is to try to get prepared.if you spend money frivolously , you might really need it later and regret earlier careless spending.when disaster strikes, perhaps a illness in the family ,having money means the difference between life and death .so it is urgent to make long plans for unpredictable future .while it is true that spending money is enjoyable.but ony when we consume can we feel pleasure is a lie told by advertisements.

However, we should concede that despite the merits mentioned above.over extended referring to this point will be indeed counterproductive,even harmful,the harm it produces is ,from my perspective, both palpable and profound.for the individual,on spending for short-term pleasure will destroy the passion attitude towards life.for the society ,the recreation industry must be hampered in turn the whole contury’s economic development will be probably influenced .

Weighing the pros and cons of the attitude towards how to manage money.i strongly commit to the notion that spending money on something that last long time should be considered first.not ony because the substantial value but because the future life.

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

呃~~~ 先占位置啊 8错

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

2# 奔跑蜗牛
呵呵！我有好几次交晚了 都没人给我拍得 。所以 我怕又连不起网或者忙来不及交

liurui8802UID: 2595045

When it refers to how to properly spend money .the discussion of this issue among individuals and in society as a whole, has came to vague during the last decade.(这句话有点冗长，精简一下the discussion of ....have long been in heated debate)it is ommony accepted that spending money on something that lasts long time（that从句中却谓语）.others,however,take the negative attitude.in my view ,I prefer the former rather than spending on short –term pleasure as my inclination（as及后面的删掉）.5 b( ?! Y: c: n0 n: W

The main reason for my propensity to use money on something that lasts (a) long time is that we can enjoy the product much longer..（take)a jewelry不可数名词，不能用a修饰 you giving(give)
to your girl friend for instance.she may take it as a treasure （until being missed多出这后半句干什么） .while if you have a costly dinner together前面那句是逗号，这句从哪里冒出来的. the temporary sensation slips her mind several days later even faster for sure(这句话中式表达，没有slip one's mind.).let’s bring our discussion here to a more present and practical context.it can be given a concrete example that house is the basic prerequisite for living.such spending is imperative and sensible. Obviously ,most lasting long time(long lasting) things are usually necessities in life that such spending is preferable and should be considered first by everyone .  l& E' Z# P, @' C/ W8 c
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Another equally essential factor (that I advocate spending money on something that last long time)删了 involves the realm of future .no one can deny the fact that what tomorrow will bring is unpredictable.the only thing we can do is to try to get prepared.if you spend money frivolously , you might really need it later and regret earlier careless spending.when disaster strikes, perhaps a illness（这个词可数吗？） in the family ,having money means the difference between life and death .so it is urgent to make long plans for unpredictable future .while it is true that spending money is enjoyable.but ony when we consume can we feel pleasure is a lie told by advertisements.这段有点离题，这段应该是该不该存钱那篇文章里的吧，套过来没有阐述该不该把钱花在不同商品上啊、
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However, we should concede that despite the merits mentioned above.over extended referring to this point will be indeed counter（-）productive,even harmful,the harm it produces is ,from my perspective, both palpable and profound.for the individual,on spending for short-term pleasure will destroy the passion用形容词 attitude towards life.for the society ,the recreation industry must be hampered （in turn）？用在这里什么意思 the whole contury’s economic development will be probably influenced ./ X) ?& L% i0 F
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Weighing the pros and cons of the attitude towards how to manage money.i strongly commit to the notion that spending money on something that last long time should be considered first.not ony because （of)the substantial value but because(of) the future life.
总的来说，文章里面语法错误还是 比较多的，有些句子还比较冗长，有些堆砌感。不知道是不是作者太过应用模版的原因。句子写的简洁，精炼，没有大的错误应该是作者首先应该达到的要求。

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

slip one's mind 忘记 ，映像溜走
第三段确实是套过来的，感觉想不到论点了，
in turn 错了 应该是and thus
谢谢 你的点评哦  很细致