Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 bb980 的 第21次作业】

bb980UID: 2527518

With the rapidly development in contemprory society,more and more people become as wealth as they used to be. Money is always lying in the pockets for exchanging other subjects as benefits. But how to deal with the money in the right way? What to purchase by means of money?
    Treasures and jewels are common ways of spending money, as the art products to collect, but is it wise one?Some people claim so, for the reason that the subjects, like pearls and treasures, can last long time and become more value than they were before. In contrary, being watched is the most useful ability of those expensive things. For instance, I have read some masterpieces of the author, Honore de Balzac,is famous of his sacrism to the real world.And one of them named "Eugenie Grandet".Describing a man who loves money as his life, he can even abandon his family, self-steem in order to obtain much money and golds.At last of the story, he was too old to gain some valuable things, just watching them,his collections, again and again,day after day.Even before dying,grasping a silver cross with the last gasp.Though he used to have a vast majority of wealth, after died nothing belongs to him.Lots of possessions equals to nothings.
    On the other hand,spending money on entertainment such as vocation is able to release people's outweigh pressure. Under the fast pace during daily life, working is the mainstream of modern society. However, basic to efficiency, working all day is not only tired but also costs much time without any evolvings to accomplish it. Suppose that a person keeps working day and night  as well as never taking a break.Certainly he/she may fail to work out.In other words, undoubtedly efficiency does he/she have
    As for money, an expensive piece of jewelry is not proper for individuals but a short-term vacation may be a better choice. Thus, why don't they just using money to have fun as well as decrease the pressures of daily work?

5555....快期中考了！
舍去了吃饭的时间赶完的...
看都没看一遍，估计超多语法错误...
写到后面自己都不知所云....
请大家放肆的批评....

gaofei323UID: 2588256

With the rapidly development in contemporary society, more and more people become as wealth as they used to be.(社会发展了，人们以前一样富有？说比以前更富有可能好一些吧) Money is always lying in the pockets for exchanging other subjects as benefits. But how to(should we) deal with the money in the right way? What to(should we) purchase by means of money?(大家都说第一段引出观点比较好，符合西方人思维, 直接说出各有各的好处)

Treasures and jewels are common ways of spending money, as well as the art products to collect, but is it wise one? Some people claim so, for the reason that the subjects, like pearls and treasures, can last long time and become more value（valuable） than they were before. In contrary(moreover), being watched（to be appreciated） is the most useful ability of those expensive things. For instance, I have read some masterpieces of the(a) author, named Honore de Balzac, who is famous of(for) his sarcasm to the real(去掉) world. And one of them named "Eugenie Grandet" describing a man who loves(regards) money as his life, he can even abandon his family, self-esteem in order to obtain much money and gold. At last(the end) of the story, he was too old to gain some(more) valuable things, just watching them(去掉),his collections, again and again, day after day. Even before dying, he was grasping a silver cross with(at) the last gasp. Though he used to have a vast majority of wealth, after died(dying) nothing belongs to him any more. Lots of possessions equals to nothings（这句用得好~）.

On the other hand, spending money on entertainment such as vocation is able to release people's outweigh(unbearable/excessive) pressure. Under the fast pace during(in) daily life, working is the mainstream of modern society. However, basic to（based on） efficiency, working all day is not only tired but also costs much time without any evolving(evolvement? 但好像没这个说法，end in sight) to accomplish it. Suppose that a person keeps working day and night  as well as never taking a break, certainly he/she may fail to work out（什么意思？make a progress?）. In other words, undoubtedly efficiency does he/she have(has)! w/ c4 V+ z. c. a0 \# q
   

As for money, an expensive piece of jewelry is not proper for individuals but a short-term vacation may be a better choice. Thus, why don't they just using money to have fun as well as decrease the pressures of daily work？（结尾不错）

看得出来赶得很急~ 饭都没吃~精神可嘉，但要注意身体呀
很多小错误就不说了，如果不这么急肯定不会这么多，注意下就好
在表达方面用词不够准确~ 应该多想想~或查查字典
结构很像中国作文，最后给结论，但很多人说这样不好~ 开篇需要点名主题
举例方面也不是很好~第二个太笼统，建议看看一些高分作文的套路
应该是高中生吧~ 其实很不错了 比我那会强太多了 呵呵~继续加油！Good luck！

wazzaUID: 2473807

With the rapidly development in contemprory society,more and more people become as wealth as they used to be. Money is always lying in the pockets for exchanging other subjects as benefits. But how to deal with the money in the right way? What to purchase by means of money?



Treasures and jewels are common ways( 要么改为subjects 要么在开头加上 buying ） of spending money, as the art products to collect, but is it wise one?Some people claim so, for the reason that the subjects, like pearls and treasures, can last long time and become more value than they were before（ 此句结构有点散）. In contrary, being watched is the most useful ability of those expensive things. For instance, I have read some masterpieces of the author, Honore de Balzac,is famous of his sacrism to the real world.And one of them named "Eugenie Grandet".Describing a man who loves money as his life, he can even abandon his family, self-steem in order to obtain much money and golds.At last of the story, he was too old to gain some valuable things, just watching them,his collections, again and again,day after day.Even before dying,grasping a silver cross with the last gasp.Though he used to have a vast majority of wealth, after died nothing belongs to him.Lots of possessions equals to nothings.



On the other hand,spending money on entertainment（有歧义） such as vocation is able to release people's outweigh pressure. Under the fast pace during daily life, working is the mainstream of modern society. However, basic to efficiency, working all day is not only tired but also costs much time without any evolvings to accomplish it. Suppose that a person keeps working day and night  as well as never taking a break.Certainly he/she may fail to work out.In other words, undoubtedly efficiency does he/she have* {  ]; f5 ]5 k$ ?) z$ P$ G, k
   
As for money, an expensive piece of jewelry is not proper for individuals but a short-term vacation may be a better choice. Thus, why don't they just using money to have fun as well as decrease the pressures of daily work?$ R!

楼上所点评的，我就不再重复。
1、我认为题目是要求在 2 种不同的消费方式（ 或者是消费价值取向 ）中做选择， 文中develop得还不够
2、建议可以 参考 “ 戴云作文笔记”
以上纯属一家之言，如有不同意见，欢迎交流，共同进步。