TOEFL 2009上半年-Dark_Tournament写作组HYPS2011第23次作业

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

Education is imperative for anyone to succeed particularly under the unprecedented sophisticated modern society.These days a heated debate upon teacher should be paid according to the student’s performances attracted plubic’s attention.however, as far as I am concerned, I certainly take the negative attitude and the reasons as follows supporting my view.

Of course ,People paid for their contribution is sagacious. And the study atmosphere can undoubtedly be strengthened that both benefits the teacher and students themselves.

However ,It is universally acknowledged that study is a self –motivated and long life matter.teacher is just a instructor along the journey .whether we can perform well in study is practically depends on ourselves.thus, teacher paid by the level of their student’s accomplishment is ridiculous even harmful . According to a notable survey in history indicates that most distinguished scientists attribute their success to diligent work rather than school education.Taking my biology teacher,Mr Guo for example ,being extremely responsible and almost devoting all his leisure time to the teaching.but only a few students in the class followed his demands.at last he was forced to leave due to the inferior student’s grade. Soon after that we all regret our earlier behavior and had a guilty conscience . for us it was such a heavy loss that no one can predict .



Moreover, overextended referring to the student’s performances will be indeed counterproductive.some teachers in order to get decent payment compel children to work day and night to achieve excellent mark.unfortunately ,such enforced education always results in great detestation and evenworse leads to unhealthy mental and physical problems including shortsighted,humpback, maldevelopment and so forth .under the institution that teacher paid in accordance with their students' performance,for the students it has a debasing impact on individual’s personality development ,for the society it may promote a tendency toward utilitarianism.

After considering all these aspects mentioned above ,people must recognize the truth that teacher should be paid by their responsible attitude toward work rather than the student’s performance since the only dominant is student’s themselves.

网兜妮妮UID: 2612538

Education is imperative for anyone to succeed particularly under the unprecedented sophisticated modern society.These days a heated （这里要用heat 的ed 形式吗？）debate upon "teacher should be paid according to the student’s performances" attracted plubic’s attention.however, as far as I am concerned, I certainly take the negative attitude and the reasons (are) as follows supporting my view(这里就不要太罗嗦了，这个可以去掉）.

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Of course ,People paid for( ? 根据题目的意思，这里还是写成paid according to ..比较准确）their contribution is sagacious. And the study atmosphere can undoubtedly be strengthened that both benefits the teacher and students themselves（这句话感觉语法有点问题，还有后面那一点写成benefit the teacher as well as the students themselves,是不是能好一点？）这里还需要例子证明观点.+ J/ T* Q$ H2 S7 l  B$ B! Q
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However ,It is universally acknowledged that study is a self –motivated and long life matter.teacher is just a instructor along the journey .(这句很好）whether we can perform well in study is practically depends on ourselves.thus, teacher paid by the level of their student’s accomplishment is ridiculous even harmful . According to a notable survey in history, （which) indicates that most distinguished scientists attribute their success to diligent work rather than school education.Taking my biology teacher,Mr Guo for example ,being extremely responsible and almost devoting all his leisure time to the teaching（本句少主语）.but only a few students in the class followed his demands.at last he was forced to leave due to the inferior student’s grade. Soon after that we all regret our earlier behavior and had a guilty conscience . （不太清楚你的例子到底要说明什么）for us it was such a heavy loss that no one can predict (楼主句与句之间的逻辑连接不太好，连接词用的也略显生硬）.5 h6 p, B% {1 w

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Moreover, overextended referring to the student’s performances will be indeed counterproductive.some teachers in order to get decent payment compel（这里应该用ing形式吧？） children to work day and night to achieve excellent mark.unfortunately ,such enforced education always results in great detestation and evenworse leads to unhealthy（去掉） mental and physical problems including shortsighted,humpback, maldevelopment and so forth .under the institution that teacher paid in accordance with their students' performance,（这里两句连接的语法不对，不能这样联句字，楼主再查一下）for the students it has a debasing impact on individual’s personality development ,for the society it may promote a tendency toward utilitarianism.

After considering all these aspects mentioned above ,people must recognize the truth that teacher should be paid by their responsible attitude toward work（好像文章结尾不要再提出新的概念，因为你没办法再展开陈述了） rather than the student’s performance since the only dominant is student’s themselves

楼主的词汇很好，但语法不太好，句与句之间的逻辑关系也处理的不太好。
我也有一样的问题，一起加油~

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

1.heated debate 表示 激烈的争论
2.reasons as follows ...不用加 are 了
。3According to a notable survey in history indicates  这里不需要which

4Taking my biology teacher,Mr Guo for example ,being extremely responsible and almost devoting all his leisure time to the teaching. Mr Guo for example 只是插入语。

网兜妮妮UID: 2612538

哦，好的~
批改不对的地方，请见谅咯~~

桐庐钓徒UID: 2620263

Education is imperative for anyone to succeed particularly under the unprecedented sophisticated modern society. (建议改成简单的句子，有些用法不确定对的尽量不写 in sophisticated criticisms of modern society’)These days a heated debate upon teacher should be paid according to the student’s performances attracted plubic’s attention.however, as far as I am concerned, I certainly（去掉） take the negative attitude and the reasons（am unfavorably disposed towards this statement） as follows supporting my view.
Of course ,People paid for their contribution is sagacious. And the study atmosphere can undoubtedly be strengthened that both benefits the teacher and students themselves.
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However ,It is universally acknowledged that study is a self –motivated and long life matter.teacher is just(like) a instructor along(during) the journey .whether we can perform well in study is practically depends on ourselves.thus, teacher paid by the level of their student’s accomplishment is ridiculous even harmful . According to a notable survey in history(具体的实例呢？) indicates that most distinguished scientists attribute their success to diligent work rather than school education.Taking my biology teacher,Mr Guo for example ,being extremely responsible and almost devoting all his leisure time to the teaching.but only a few students in the class followed his demands.at last he was forced to leave due to the inferior student’s grade. Soon after that we all regret our earlier behavior and had a guilty conscience . for us it was such a heavy loss that no one can predict .


Moreover, overextended referring to（over focusing on） the student’s performances will be indeed counterproductive.some teacher in order to get decent payment compel children to work day and night to achieve excellent mark(get high grades).unfortunately ,such enforced education always results in great detestation and evenworse leads to unhealthy mental and physical problems including shortsighted,humpback, maldevelopment and so forth .under the institution that teacher paid in accordance with their students' performance,for the students it has a debasing impact on individual’s personality development ,for the society it may promote a tendency toward utilitarianism.

After considering all these aspects mentioned above ,people must recognize the truth that teacher should be paid by their responsible attitude toward work rather than the student’s performance since the only dominant is student’s themselves.

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

3# HYPS2011

网兜妮妮 很感谢你哈！改得很仔细 很仔细！谢谢一起加油 你什么时候考呢？

网兜妮妮UID: 2612538

6月7啊，口语还没有开始准备，不知道怎么练...