5.6月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 bnlcblgmdn 第2次作业

bnlcblgmdnUID: 2632359

teacher should be paid according to their students' performs（07.10.28）373 words

Nowadays students' performs seem more and more important than ever before. With high school scores, students can get good offers from ideal colleges or companies much easier than those with low scores. So maybe someone believe that the teachers should be paid according to their students' performs so that the students can get better performs. However, I really disagree with it. My arguments of this point are listed as follows.

First and foremost, the performs, especially the test scores of students depend on a large number of factors. The teacher's work is one of the factors involved, but not the all. The students' virtues, talents, and their families' supports are as important as teachers. For example, if there are two students, one is good at math because he loves it, but the other is not and doesn't. Should we paid higher to the first student's math teacher? No. Besides, the first guy is good at math but bad at literature, should his literature teacher be paid lower than his math teacher? No either. Now we can see how unfair it is to paid teacher by their students' performs through the example above.

Additionally, make teachers' pay connect with the students' performs will set out a wrong signal to the parents. They may deem that the students' growths and improvements are all by the teachers, none business with parents. They may neglect their responsibilities for kids. This situation is very harmful for students, but will probably happen if the teachers' pay are according to the students' performs.

Last but not the least, we never have a perfect standards to measure the students' performs. A teacher can have positive influence on students' thoughts and behaviors. He can give the students courage, determination and patience, but these cannot be shown in scores. If the teachers are paid by students' performs, they will concentrate on the scores and "performs" and do less things about the positive influence which can benefit the students for their whole lives. This is not what we want to see.

In a word, if teachers are paid according to their students' performs, the education will be unfair and miss the right direction. As far as I concern, I really don't support this proposal.

piaolingzhongUID: 2381833

Nowadays students' performance(performs不是名词) seem more and more important than ever before. With high （school删掉） scores, students can get good offers from ideal colleges or companies much easier than those with low scores. So maybe someone believe that the teachers should be paid according to their students' performance(performs不是名词) and then (so that) the students can get better performance(performs不是名词). However, I really disagree with it. My arguments of this point are listed as follows.

First and foremost, the performance(performs不是名词), especially the test scores of students depend on a large number of factors. The teacher's work is one of the factors involved, but not the all. The students' virtues, talents, and their families' supports are as important as teachers. For example, if there are two students, one is good at math because he loves it, but the other is not (and doesn't删掉). Should we pay（paid） higher to the first student's math teacher? No. Besides, the first guy is good at math but bad at literature, should his literature teacher be paid lower than his math teacher?  Of course ,No( either删掉). Now we can see how unfair it is to paid teacher by their students' performs through the example above.
这一段感觉例子不能充分的支持主题句，单个学生的例子能够支持，但对比两个学生的例子反而不能充分支持主题句
Additionally, make teachers' pay connect with the students' performs will set out a wrong signal to the parents. They may deem that the students' growths and improvements are determined absolutely (all删掉) by the teachers, none business with parents. They may neglect their responsibilities for kids. This situation is very harmful for students, but will probably happen if the teachers' pay are according to the students' performs. & X.

Last but not the least, we never have a perfect standards to measure the students' performs. A teacher can have positive influence on students' thoughts and behaviors. He can give the students courage, determination and patience, but these cannot be shown in scores. If the teachers are paid by students' performs, they will concentrate on the scores and " performance(performs不是名词)" and do less things about the positive influence which can benefit the students for their whole lives. This is not what we want to see.

In a word, if teachers are paid according to their students' performance(performs不是名词), the education will be unfair and diparture from(miss表示迷失，很少表示偏离) the right direction. As far as I concern, I really don't support this proposal.
总体来讲，这篇文章思路清晰，有细节和例子，语法和词汇稍微有点错误

lsr91UID: 2540702

2# piaolingzhong

Nowadays students' performs(修改意见和楼上一样) seem more and more important than ever before. With high school scores, students can get good（去掉） offers from ideal colleges or companies much easier than those with low scores. So maybe someone believe that the teachers should be paid according to their students' performs so that the students can get better performs. However, I really disagree with it. My arguments of this point are listed as follows.（模板句子不是很推荐，而且很简单）

First and foremost, the performs(同上), especially the test scores of students depend on a large number of factors. The teacher's work is one of the factors involved, but not the all. The students' virtues, talents, and their families' supports are as important as teachers. For example, if there are two students, one is good at math because he loves it, but the other is not and doesn't.(我明白你意思，建议这样表达，把and改成cause doesn't love it，保险起见去掉，同楼上) Should we paid higher to the first student's math teacher? No. Besides, the first guy is good at math but bad at literature, should his literature teacher be paid lower than his math teacher? No either. Now we can see how unfair it is to paid teacher by their students' performs through the example above.

Additionally, make teachers' pay connect with the students' performs will set out a wrong signal to the parents. They may deem that the students' growths and improvements are all by the teachers, none business with parents. They may neglect their responsibilities for kids. This situation is very harmful for students, but will probably happen if the teachers' pay are according to the students' performs.

Last but not the least, we never have a perfect standards to measure the students' performs. A teacher can have positive influence on students' thoughts and behaviors. He can give the students courage, determination and patience, but these cannot be shown in scores. If the teachers are paid by students' performs, they will concentrate on the scores and "performs" and do less things about the positive influence which can benefit the students for their whole lives. This is not what we want to see.

In a word, if teachers are paid according to their students' performs, the education will be unfair and miss the right direction. As far as I concern, I really don't support this proposal.

逻辑上我不好说你有什么不对，意见大体跟楼上一样~
欢迎痛批我的文章，谢谢！

llacatUID: 2628715

Nowadays students' performs seem more and more important than ever before. With high school scores, students can get good offers from ideal colleges or companies much easier than those with low scores. So maybe someone believe that the teachers should be paid according to their students' performs so that the students can get better performs. However, I really disagree with it. My arguments of this point are listed as follows.
开头不错，描述背景之后就提出了论点

First and foremost, the performs(performance), especially the test scores of students depend on a large number of factors. The teacher's work is one of the factors involved, but not the all. The students' virtues, talents, and their families' supports are as important as teachers. For example, if there are two students, one is good at math because he loves it, but the other is not and doesn't. Should we paid（pay） higher to the first student's math teacher? No. Besides, the first guy is good at math but bad at literature, should his literature teacher be paid lower than his math teacher? No either(可以去掉either). Now we can see how unfair it is to paid teacher by their students' performs through the example above.
结尾最好再补上一句总结句吧。另外感觉句子有点小累赘（不知道对不对），可以写的再明显点，说学生的兴趣也是影响他们成绩的一大因素…

Additionally, make teachers' pay connect with the students' performs will set out a wrong signal to the parents. They may deem that the students' growths and improvements are all by the teachers, none business with parents. They may neglect their responsibilities for kids. This situation is very harmful for students, but will probably happen if the teachers' pay are according to the students' performs.

Last but not the least, we never have a perfect standards to measure the students' performs. A teacher can have positive influence on students' thoughts and behaviors. He can give the students courage, determination and patience, but these cannot be shown in scores. If the teachers are paid by students' performs, they will concentrate on the scores and "performs" and do less things about the positive influence which can benefit the students for their whole lives. This is not what we want to see.

In a word, if teachers are paid according to their students' performs, the education will be unfair and miss the right direction. As far as I concern, I really don't support this proposal.

这篇文章的结构和词句都没有什么大问题，语法和句式上也都不错！
美中不足的是三段论证的段落都没有最后的总结句，建议作者下次注意这个问题。另外，结尾感觉有点仓促了，建议可以再分个一两句出来写下反面的那个论点，这样文章可以更饱满！
最后有个小问题，有些例子作者都是用HE来表达的，但是我看有的作文书里建议最好不要写，以避免性别歧视，所以建议以后再细心点把涉及到性别的地方改成复数名词做主语或者用别的代词来代替。

zoezuohuangUID: 2518976

Nowadays students' performs seem more and more important than ever before. With high school scores, students can get good offers from ideal colleges or companies much easier than those with low scores. So maybe someone believe that the teachers should be paid according to their students' performs so that the students can get better performs. However, I really disagree with it. My arguments of this point are listed as follows.

First and foremost, the performs, especially the test scores of students depend on a large number of factors. The teacher's work is one of the factors involved, but not the all. The students' virtues, talents, and their families' supports are as important as teachers. For example, if there are two students, one is good at math because he loves it, but the other is not and doesn't. Should we paid higher to the first student's math teacher? No. Besides, the first guy is good at math but bad at literature, should his literature teacher be paid lower than his math teacher? No either. Now we can see how unfair it is to paid teacher by their students' performs through the example above.
Additionally, mak（ing) teachers' pay connect with the students' performs will set out a wrong signal to the parents. They may deem that the students' growths and improvements are all by the teachers, none business with parents. They may neglect their responsibilities for kids. This situation is very harmful for students, but will probably happen if the teachers' pay are according to the students' performs.

Last but not the least, we never have a perfect standards to measure the students' performs. A teacher can have positive influence on students' thoughts and behaviors. He can give the students courage, determination and patience, but these cannot be shown in scores. If the teachers are paid by students' performs, they will concentrate on the scores and "performs" and do less things about the positive influence which can benefit the students for their whole lives. This is not what we want to see.

In a word, if teachers are paid according to their students' performs, the education will be unfair and mislead the right direction. As far as I concern, I really don't support this proposal.

In my opinion, this essay is very clear to express the author's view of point. However, the whole article looks like a similar model of essay that lack of characteristics.
Hopefully, your writing skill will make a great progress.