[5.6月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 smile 第2次作业]

zhuyongchaochaoUID: 2616114

teacher should be paid according to their students' performs（07.10.28）



Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, we find that some people hold the idea of teacher should be paid according to their students' performs .From my point of view, it is more advisable to specify students’ performances
My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my propensity
is that we teachers have the responsibilities to create an excellent student. Students are supposed to study what is living basicaly, what technology is needed for surving and what is the truth about life .For instance, according to John Dewey a prestigious Educator that studying is living experience. As a human being we must to know who we are both physically and mentally . So teachers can lead them to understand the basic knowledge about who they are and what they desire in the heart. Then student can grow depending on a clear oneself.

Another reason can be seen by every one is that student will grow up only after they are well shaped psychically. Such kind of performance will not be tested by the score but it is really important . For example, one student will fall in love of English only when they tasted the pleasure of success. The more success they gain , the more happiness they feel about English. Then they are motivated to devote themselves in studying English.

The argument I support in the first paragraph is also in a position of advantage because it is better to teach students how to learn than to teach knowledge. Our final goal to creat a smart student who is creative in solving problem instead being a book worm , who is optimisic about studing new things and experience different life rather than one only care about marks and scores, who is willing to share the happiness and bring others sunshine in daily life instead a selfish person. Such kind of precious qualities will not be show in students academic performance.

Although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of taking the students marks into account, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious. We teachers will have a profound influence on students which may last for a lifetime. In a word, teacher should not be paid only according to their students’ performs especially the academic aspects.

piaolingzhongUID: 2381833

teacher should be paid according to their students' performs（07.10.28）.

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, we find that some people hold the idea of teacher should be paid according to their students' performances (performs不是名词). From my point of view, it is more advisable to specify students’ performances. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.
你的观点到底是什么，可能偶水平有限，实在是糊涂啊，看完第一段感觉你是支持的这观点的。但倒数第二句和最后一句又是矛盾的。姑且认为你是支持的。
The main reason for my propensity is that our（we） teachers have the responsibilities to create an excellent student（主题句有问题，莫非我们的老师一生的责任是只创造一个优秀的学生？）. Students are supposed to study what is living basically(basicaly,l另外不明白living basically 什么意思，作者是想说基本生存技能吗), what technology is needed for surviving(surving) and what is the truth about life .For instance, according to John Dewey a prestigious Educator，（ that删掉） studying is living experience. As a human being we must to know who we are both physically and mentally . So teachers can lead them to understand the basic knowledge about who they are and what they desire in the heart. Then student can grow depending on a clear oneself.' K  U9 B' W
这段主题句和所举的例子没有逻辑上的关系，支持不了主题句，还有句子与句子之间缺乏联系，感觉上一秒在泰山顶，下一秒在太湖了。思维太玄乎了。适合中国人写那种让人看不懂的隐晦的散文，但绝对不是老外那种直来直去的议论文思维。
Another reason can be seen by every one is that student will grow up only after they are well shaped psychically. Such kind of performance will not be tested by the score but it is really important . For example, one student will fall in love of English only when they tasted the pleasure of success. The more success they gain , the more happiness they feel about English. Then they are motivated to devote themselves in studying English.
你到底想说什么，你是故意不想让审题人看懂吗？主题句是学生只有有一个健全的心里，才能成长。这和你举的例子也没关系啊。而且这和根据学生成绩/行为，来付老师薪水的观点一点都不搭界的啊
The argument I support in the first paragraph is also in a position of advantage because it is better to teach students how to learn than to teach knowledge.（这句话看不懂，不知道是你结构组织问题还是我的问题，估计老美也不会懂吧） Our final goal to create(creat) a smart student (这没必要用定语从句吧，显得松散，直接用with creative in sloving problem …不是更好？)who is creative in solving problem instead of (instead )being a book worm , who is optimistic(optimisic) about studying(studing) new things and experience different life rather than one only care about marks and scores, who is willing to share the happiness and bring others sunshine in daily life instead a selfish person. Such kind of precious qualities will not be show in students’(students) academic performance.
一个字，乱。一句话，我大脑开始发晕了，实在搞不懂你主题是什么。还有主题句后面那些写的什么东西啊，乱写，我都不知道该怎么改了，差点想都要帮你删掉重写了。从句乱用不说，弄得意思都不好猜了。摆脱阁下直接表明主题好吗。求求你了，我实在是看的忍不了了。你现在可以想像那些脑子本来就不会拐弯的老美们的抓狂的样子了。
Although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of taking the students marks into account, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious. We teachers will have a profound influence on students which may last for a lifetime. In a word, teacher should not be paid only according to their students’ performs especially the academic aspects.
最后一句怎么好像是反对的啊。
总评，文章写的太晦涩，难懂，混乱。没主题。文章结构松散，不过句式变换还不错。
语法和词汇错误还是很欠缺。完全是用中国的思维来表述句子。第一人称用的太多，教主说过最好不要用。
建议作者以后多练习一下用最直接的思维来回答问题。语气重了点，但实在是看的火大。希望作者好好改改。多看看范文。

wmc861113UID: 2630091

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern（表达的不太清楚) ,we find that some people hold the idea of teacher should be paid according to their students' performs .From my point of view, it is more advisable to specify students’ performances
My arguments for this point are listed as follows.6 p* [" w3 g( b8 Z
" F" u5 [& V2 ~" v3 ?/ q5 |+ r8 u
The main reason for my propensity(这里propensity用来指不好的癖好，可以用standpoint) qis that we(our) teachers have the responsibilities to create an excellent student. Students are supposed to study what is living basicaly(basically), what technology is needed for surving and what is the truth about life .For instance, according to John Dewey a prestigious Educator that studying is living experience. As a human being we must to know who we are both physically and mentally . So teachers can lead them to understand the basic knowledge about who they are and what they desire in the heart. Then student can grow depending on a clear oneself.(第一段的论据没有用来证明论点，后面说应该更了解自己并没有支持论点“老师的责任是培养优秀的学生）语言有点难懂)N/ k/ S, W# C( r
Another reason can be seen by every one is that student will grow up only after they are well shaped psychically. Such kind of performance will not be tested by the score but it is really important . For example, one student will fall in love of English only(去掉only) when they taste the pleasure of success. The more success they gain , the more happiness they feel about English. Then they are motivated to devote themselves in studying English（这段的论点没理解，如果从你的论据来看的话，论点应该是兴趣激发对学习的热爱） |5 J7 |. o  a, U; @! ^& O8 r
The argument I support in the first paragraph is also in a position of advantage because it is better to teach students how to learn than to teach knowledge. Our final goal to creat a smart student who is creative in solving problem instead of being a book worm , who is optimisic about studing new things and experience different life rather than one only care about marks and scores, who is willing to share the happiness and bring others sunshine in daily life instead a selfish person. Such kind of precious qualities will not be show in students academic performance.(第二句话过于复杂，应再简洁一些。把它放在第二段更好)
Although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of taking the students marks into account, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious. We, as teachers will have a profound influence on students which may last for a lifetime. In a word, teacher should not be paid only according to their students’ performs especially the academic aspects.
本文的论点、论据很好，就是感觉语言有时太复杂，不知这样是否符合TOEFL的写作风格

zhuyongchaochaoUID: 2616114

谢谢，逻辑方面是有一点接不上
改进中。