麻烦大家帮我看看这篇作文好么，多找茬··，只有10多天就要考试了

chachachanUID: 2570055

麻烦大家帮我看看好么，尽量多条错误，我想知道这样有6分么？


随着犯罪的增多，很多城市采取了security measure. What extent do you agree or do not agree.

When confronted with the proliferation of offence, our policy maker has adopted increasing safety measure in various cities, especially in metropolises. Some people stick to the opinion that it is unwarranted to promote such security measure on the consideration of citizens’ privacy.

Personally speaking, I am convinced that security measures do have its merits. To begin with, the increased presence of anti-crime devices are instrumental to curb the proliferation of crime since those measures posed a deterrent effect to potential offenders, therefore, people are more likely to embrace a relaxed and safe life. The other evidence is that affording people the latest information about criminals and how to prevent offences, the anti-crime system enables people to raise awareness of self-protection, which is extremely crucial, especially the time when those violent offenders have not been put in jail yet. Lastly, the proof provided by some electronic equipment such as CCTV and cameras play a key role in judgement process, such examples can be well illustrated in bank robbery and super-markets stolen cases.

Nevertheless, the demerits of promoting security measures should not be neglected. The most noticeable dispute is the danger of personal privacy due to the installation of CCTV in every corner and concealed surveillance cameras in offices, therefore, a considerable number of cities have a sense of being invaded and supervised. But overall, I think it is less likely to real happen today, when government has already implement stringent laws of privacy protection.

Hence, on the whole, the advantages the security measures brought apparently offset its drawbacks, and it is manifest that crime prevention framework calls for anti-crime devices. Meanwhile, we must take some measures, however, to reinforce the recognition of individual’s privacy and respect.

grit.kUID: 2541151

楼主的文章词汇很高级 但是我个人觉得语言结构和文章是否通顺是基础 至于词汇应以恰当为妙
呵呵 个人拙见~~

饱饭仔UID: 2505959

第二段第一句并入首段吧,摆在那里...有点尴尬,感觉
理由都是点到即止,没有例证或者进一步论述么?
很多十天的套句,这个还是不错的