[5.6月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 lsr91 第11次作业]

lsr91UID：2540702

People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer. 48. Reasons why people work other than earning a living

My answer:

After graduate from high school/university, most of students would start their new vocation lives. In another word, they have no choices but to work for money when they face to society. So, people’s first objective is to make more money that could make sure they can alive. If there is some other reasons for work, I could say they are interest, the motivation of life and the sense of responsibility to the world.

Interest can change our attitudes to our job. If a person met a good job that is based on what he/she interest in, that could lift his/her efficiency of work. For example, my neighbor’s son likes English since he was 5. And with the exercises and practice when he grows up, his accent is almost like native speaker even his/parents could not say any English words. And nowadays, his work is simultaneous interpretation. That’s the best job for him. And he works busy but perfectly because English is his interest.

The motivations of lives can change our attitudes to our job. Every normal people would go to school or work place on weekdays. But if you don’t want to find a job after graduating from school, will you feel better when you at home without doing anything? Of course not. Because with many years study, even with many holidays, your body still in the situation of work/study. So after long time rest, you want to find something to do. You will find out work can keep your life in a good state.

The sense of responsibility to the world can change our attitudes to our job. There is a diligent scientist in our country. He graduated from university many years ago. And after that, he said he is tired so his school let him to be a teacher. But after 1 year, he found that he could not be full of to be a good teacher. He thought he should do some research to let our lives better. So he restarted his diligent time, he came to the researching world. After many years, he found the way to plan hybrid rice, he is the famous scientist in our country called Yuan. This research totally changes our country’s famine age.

There is a list of reasons for you and me to work harder, and now we should have the sense of mission to work everyone.

qrxxwUID：2196808

After graduating from high school/university, most students would start their new vocation lives. In another word, they have no choices but to work for money when they face society. Therefore, the first objective of people is to make more money that could make sure they can keep alive. If there are other reasons for work, I could say they are interest, the motivation of life and the sense of responsibility for the world.

Interest can change our attitudes to our job. If a person met a good job that is based on what he/she interests, that could improve his/her efficiency of work. For example, my neighbor’s son likes English since he was five. With the exercises and practice, his accent is almost like native speaker even though his parents could not say any English words. Nowadays, his work is simultaneous interpretation that is the best choice for him, and he works busy but perfectly because English is his interest.

The motivations of lives can change our attitudes to our job. Every normal people would go to school or work place on weekdays. Nevertheless, if you did not want to find a job after graduating from school, will you feel better when you at home without doing anything? Of course not. Because with many years’ study, even with many holidays, your body still in the situation of work/study. Hence, after long time rest, you want to find something to do, and you will find out work can keep your life in a good state.

The sense of responsibility for the world can change our attitudes to our job. There is a diligent scientist in our country, who graduated from university many years ago. After that, he said he is tired so his school let him to be a teacher. However, one year later, he found that he could not be full of to be a good teacher. He thought he should do some researches to let our lives better; therefore, he restarted his diligent time and back to the research world. After many years, he found the way to plan hybrid rice. He is the famous scientist in our country called Yuan, and his research completely changed our country’s famine age.

There is a list of reasons for you and me to work harder, and now we should have the sense of mission to work everyone.

你好，第一次参与，如果改得不好还请你多多包涵啦~呵呵
在尊重原文的基础上，修改了我认为用得不对或者不合适的地方。
例如：第一个词介词的后面动词应该是ing形式；所有的but都改成了however、nevertheless，等，之类的，因为后者比前者更加正式，比较适合写作。
还有许多具体的地方，请楼主自己核对了。
红字的地方是我自己觉得不太对劲，但是又拿捏不准应该怎么修改的地方，请lz自己再仔细审查了。

下面的话可能有些重，但希望lz能够体谅。
整体上，
第一、我觉得这篇文章的句式太简单单调，几乎都是简单句，有好几处很容易用从句的地方都是用的简单句。
第二、分论点的三个开头句都是一样的，只是主语不同。也许这样也有比较好的效果，令读者印象比较深刻，但是从我看来，是不是变换一下比较好呢？当然我不是很确定咯~呵呵

个人建议：因为LZ写文章的大概框架都已经比较成熟了，所以我想：背几篇范文，说不定会提高的很快哦~:)

希望LZ能够越来越强！

lingyao1UID：2467525

1# lsr91

After graduate from high school/university, most of students would start their new vocation lives. In another word, they have no choices but to work for money when they face to society. So, people’s first objective is to make more money that could make sure they can alive. If there is some other reasons for work, I could say they are interest, the motivation of life and the sense of responsibility to the world.


Interest can change our attitudes to our job. If a person met a good job that is based on what he/she interest in, that could lift(increase) his/her efficiency of work. For example, my neighbor’s son likes English since he was 5(five). And with the exercises and practice when he grows up, his accent is almost like native speaker even his/her parents could not say any English words.(似乎并没有太大的关系与这段主题句)and nowadays, his work is simultaneous interpretation. That’s the best job for him. And he works busy but perfectly because English is his interest. (我修改了一下，你看行不he very like to do exercises and practice in common. Nowadays, he is an excellent simultaneous interpreter, it combines his interests with job together efficiently. As consequence, his all attitudes for job are origin from his interest.)


The motivations of lives (also) can change our attitudes to our job. Every normal people would go to school or work place on weekdays. But if you don’t want to find a job after graduating from school, will you feel better when you at home without doing anything? Of course not. Because with many years study(surveys from clerk, officer, teacher, and the other areas of worker), even with many holidays, their bodies still in the situation of work/study. So after long time rest, they must want to find something to do, so that keep their life in a good state. 我把这段的一些语句根据我理解的意思加深了一些，行吗
The sense of responsibility to the world can change(lead to换个词) our attitudes to our job. For instance,
there is a diligent scientist in our country. He graduated from university many years ago, and after that, he said he is tired so his school let him to be a teacher(这句不明白，他说他累了所以学校让他当老师？). But after 1 year, he found that he could not be full of to be a good teacher. He thought he should do some research to let our lives better. So he restarted his diligent（刻苦，勤劳的，这次用在这感觉怪怪的） time, he came to the researching world（agriculture）. After many years, he found the way to plan hybrid rice, he is the famous scientist in our country called Yuan. This research totally changes our country’s famine age.


There is a list of reasons for you and me to work harder, and now we should have the sense of mission to work everyone.

楼主完全不需要写三个理由论证观点，在前两个上加深一下完全可以，第三个显得很生硬仓促，结尾就很简单了。我能力有限，就是感觉前两段的收尾没有很好的扣上主题，其余都很好。

谢谢，鞠躬～