Issue7 =so what=小组第一次作业 by xoxlol

XOXLOLUID: 2309408

素材：
Beat Generation: is a term used to describe a group of American writers who came to prominence in the 1950s. Central elements of "Beat" culture include rejection of mainstream American values, experimentation with drugs and alternate forms of sexuality, and an interest in Eastern spirituality. The members of the Beat Generation quickly developed a reputation as new bohemian hedonists, who celebrated non-conformity and spontaneous creativity.
代表人物及作品：
Allen Ginsberg's Howl (1956),
William S. Burroughs's Naked Lunch (1959)
Jack Kerouac's On the Road (1957)

XOXLOLUID: 2309408

Issue7."The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record ofcontemporary life that it has become a more important form ofdocumentation than written records."
摄像机可以通过如此精确而有力的记录手段来再现当代生活，因此它已经代替书面记录成为了一种更重要的记录手段。
Words: 839      Time:没计

提纲：
1. video camera holds noticeable advantages when documenting a temporal and spatial event or experience.
2. video camera is also widely used in surveillance and monitoring tasks.
3. Written records is more economical and convenient than video camera.
4. Written records is superior to video camera in documenting statistic and legal information.
5. Written records is capable of recording human perspectives,feelings and impressions, which        video camera fails to accomplish.

XOXLOLUID: 2309408

Since Scottish engineer John Baird brought the earliest video camera into being, and which was then firstly used by BBC in experimental broadcast through the 1930s, people's view at this world has been suddenly widened through a flashing screen. But has it become a more important form of documentation than written records as the author states here? In my view, i seriously doubt the author's broad assertion based on the different features videos camera and written records respectively contains.
Indisputably, video camera holds noticeable advantages when documenting a temporal and spatial event or experience, an advantage that has an prodigious impact on various fields like art, athletics and politics. Thanks to the invention and usage of video camera, the days, in which a remarkable living performer's coloratura could only be remembered, described or perhaps glimpsed in a third hand imitation by descendants have been long gone history ; a victorious moment of a major athletic event like Olympics or World Cup can be delicately recorded and replayed over and over again for people to relive the joy of the winning ,honor the greatness of the fighting spirit and learn from the athlete's outstanding skills; a more vivid understanding of war and subsequently anxiety for peace are emerged when the images and sounds of exploring bombs, firing guns, bleeding civilians and crying children strike one's eyesight and hearings. Not only does video camera document occurences through its lens, but it benefits and teaches us subtly by preserving predecessors' legacies and outlining human history.
What's more, video camera is also widely used in surveillance and monitoring tasks. Accordingly, the perfect memory of motions entitles video camera the first witness of crimes and rule violating conducts in all public places that have been equipped with this advanced device such as banks, casinos, stores, airports, parking lots and street corners. Also, video camera plays an prominent role in traffic-monitoring systems to detect congestion and notice accidents. Moreover, dangerous environments for humans in industrial process, especially in chemical industry, are supervised by video cameras. With no doubt, video camera is such a helping hand in establishing the stability and security of our society and safety.
However, with all the distinguishing advancements video camera holds, it still pales in comparison with written records in several aspects. First, it's a well-accepted fact that written records is more economical and convenient than video cameras. Consequently, even living in the era of technology, the traditional written materials like books and files and hand-writing tools like pens and pencils have survived decades in nowadays classrooms. In reality, at least so far, with the limited educational resources and massive amount of educatees ,only with written records like textbooks and examine papers, a systemic and profound schooling process can be fully completed. In another word, video camera is of no use in this mentioned condition.
Secondly, written records is superior in documenting statistic and legal informations. Due to the fact that statistic and legal files possess the nature of requisition in accuracy and preciseness, numbers and terms have to be specifically documented on white sheet with black ink. Therefore, no video camera will come into the picture, when it comes to situations like an accountant does a financial statement or a demographer analyzes a population distribution or a supplier signs a complex business contract with a client or two companies file an establishment of cooperation. Only written records makes accurate number and legal terms appear on paper in details, which video camera fails to accomplish.
Last but not least, video camera lacks the capability of documenting one's perspectives , feelings or impressions, which needs written records to complement. Unlike video camera, written records has been existed beyond human history, a history that is fraught with literal masterpieces, since human inside sentiments are the main source of flourishing literature. Meanwhile literature itself is a vivid historical documentation. For supporting evidence of this point, one needs look no further than the 1950s in American history, when the World War Two ended and Cold War began. With this backdrop, Beat Generation had come into prominence by "recording" this socially conservative and highly materialistic period to express their calling for spontaneity , an end to psychological repression and a romantic desire for more chaotic. The remarkable and representative works of Beat Generation like Naked Lunch and On The Road have created a cultural phenomena and influenced numerous postmodern novolists. Admittedly, written records beats video camera again in documenting the powerful internal universe of human beings, which is an indispensible component of literature prosperity.  
To sum up, when it comes to documenting temporal and spatial event or experience, video camera has its advanges. However, there is more than motion pictures and sounds to record in our lives. To some extent, written records can not be replaced or even topped. Thus, making the most out of what we have to help us better understand and colorize the world around us, combining video camera and written records to serve us hand in hand is the way to go.

jijingtaoUID: 2323233

Since Scottish engineer John Baird brought the earliest video camera into being, and(感觉这个and没有必要) which was then firstly used by BBC in experimental broadcast through the 1930s, people's view at this world has been suddenly widened through a flashing screen.(这句话很赞) But (在这里如果加上does it mean会不会更好一点呢)has it become a more important form of documentation than written records as the author states here? In my view, I seriously doubt the author's broad assertion based on the different features videos camera and written records respectively contains.
前面的例子用的很好，不过结束似乎仓促点些，说了怀疑之后，简单罗列下要点会不会更好？只是个人意见
Indisputably, video camera holds noticeable advantages when documenting a temporal and spatial event or experience, an advantage that has an (a) prodigious impact on various fields like art, athletics and politics. Thanks to the invention and usage of video camera, the days, in which a remarkable living performer's coloratura could only be remembered, described or perhaps glimpsed in a third hand imitation by descendants have been long gone history; a victorious moment of a major athletic event like Olympics or World Cup can be delicately recorded and replayed over and over again for people to relive the joy of the winning, honor the greatness of the fighting spirit and learn from the athlete's outstanding skills; a more vivid understanding of war and subsequently anxiety for peace are emerged when the images and sounds of exploring bombs, firing guns, bleeding civilians and crying children strike one's eyesight and hearings. Not only does video camera document occurences (occurrences) through its lens, but it (also?这里不省略貌似更通顺些) benefits and teaches us subtly by preserving predecessors' legacies and outlining human history.
What's more, video camera is also widely used in surveillance and monitoring tasks. Accordingly, the perfect memory of motions entitles video camera the first witness of crimes and rule violating conducts in all public places that have been equipped with this advanced device such as banks, casinos, stores, airports, parking lots and street corners. Also, video camera plays an (a) prominent role in traffic-monitoring systems to detect congestion and notice accidents. Moreover, dangerous environments for humans in industrial process, especially in chemical industry, are supervised by video cameras. With no doubt, video camera is such a helping hand in establishing the stability and security of our society and safety.
However, with all the distinguishing advancements video camera holds, it still pales in comparison with written records in several aspects. First, it's a well-accepted fact that written records is more economical and convenient than video cameras. Consequently, even living in the era of technology, the traditional written materials like books and files and (other?) hand-writing tools like pens and pencils have survived decades in nowadays classrooms. In reality, at least so far, with the limited educational resources and massive amount of educatees ,only with written records like textbooks and examine papers, a systemic (systematic) and profound schooling process can be fully completed. In another word, video camera is of no use in this mentioned condition (最后这句话感觉有些绝对了，可能说这方面camera没有paper好比较好，condition感觉用的不太好，不过我也想不出用啥比较好 ＝。＝).
Secondly, written records is (are) superior in documenting statistic and legal informations. Due to the fact that statistic and legal files possess the nature of requisition in accuracy and preciseness, numbers and terms have to be specifically documented on white sheet with black ink. Therefore, no video camera will come into the picture, when it comes to situations like an accountant does a financial statement or a demographer analyzes a population distribution or a supplier signs a complex business contract with a client or two companies file an establishment of cooperation. Only written records makes accurate number and legal terms appear on paper in details, which video camera fails to accomplish. (感觉这一段还是在讲 convenient, 和上一段的关系不太清楚)
Last but not least, video camera lacks the capability of documenting one's perspectives, feelings or impressions, which needs written records to complement. Unlike video camera, written records has (have) been existed beyond human history ( 存在时间长不能算written records可以表达情感的理由，. Meanwhile literature itself is a vivid historical documentation 个人感觉可以把这句提前), a history that is fraught with literal masterpieces, since human inside sentiments are the main source of flourishing literature. Meanwhile literature itself is a vivid historical documentation. For supporting evidence of this point, one needs look no further than the 1950s in American history, when the World War Two ended and Cold War began. With this backdrop, Beat Generation had come into prominence by "recording" this socially conservative and highly materialistic period to express their calling for spontaneity , an end to psychological repression and a romantic desire for more chaotic. The remarkable and representative works of Beat Generation like Naked Lunch and On The Road have created a cultural phenomena and influenced numerous postmodern novolists (novelists). Admittedly, written records beats video camera again in documenting the powerful internal universe of human beings, which is an indispensible component of literature prosperity.  
To sum up, when it comes to documenting temporal and spatial event or experience, video camera has its advanges (advantages). However, there is more than motion pictures and sounds to record in our lives. To some extent, written records can not be replaced or even topped. Thus, making the most out of what we have to help us better understand and colorize the world around us, combining video camera and written records to serve us hand in hand is the way to go.

感觉这位同学水平很高，（英语专业？）修改有如鸡蛋里挑骨头 ＝。＝
1.语言总体很赞，感觉没什么问题
2.逻辑上，在讲camera优势上的两点递进很清晰，在讲camera不如written records的3点上，关系就比较模糊。
3.前两个例子很贴切，值得学习。
4.貌似讲camera和written record直接对比的内容比较少，因为题目是在说a比b更重要，所以加一些直接的对比可能会更好。

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

整体确实是很赞啊！
弱弱地问一句，on white sheet with black ink,白纸黑字，他们看得懂不？

zhenyi2000UID: 2640146

3# XOXLOL

Since Scottish engineer John Baird brought the earliest video camera into being, and which was then firstly used by BBC in experimental broadcast through the 1930s, people's view at this world has been suddenly widened through a flashing screen. (例子用的美的很)But has it become a more important form of documentation than written records as the author states here? In my view, i seriously doubt the author's broad（个人觉得这个形容词用的不好如果换成lopsided可能会好一点） assertion based on the different features videos camera and written records respectively contains.
Indisputably, video camera holds noticeable advantages when documenting a temporal and spatial event or experience, （What is more，） （用个递进短语能让人读来更为顺畅些，那后面要改一点了）an advantage that has an (a) prodigious impact on various fields like art, athletics and politics. Thanks to the invention and usage of video camera, the days, in which a remarkable living performer's coloratura could only be remembered, described or perhaps glimpsed （in a third hand imitation） （这里稍显啰嗦 直接用 in a pale imitation 就OK了）by descendants ( have been long gone history) (have passed into history) ; a victorious moment of a major athletic event like Olympics or World Cup can be delicately recorded and replayed over and over again for people to relive the joy of the winning ,honor the greatness of the fighting spirit and learn from the athlete's outstanding skills; a more vivid understanding of war and subsequently anxiety for peace are emerged when the images and sounds of exploring bombs, firing guns, bleeding civilians and crying children strike one's eyesight and hearings. Not only does video camera document occurences through its lens, but it (also) benefits and teaches us subtly by preserving predecessors' legacies and outlining human history.
What's more, video camera is also widely used in surveillance and monitoring tasks. Accordingly, the perfect memory of motions entitles video camera the first witness of crimes and rule violating conducts in all public places that have been equipped with this advanced device such as banks, casinos, stores, airports, parking lots and street corners. Also, video camera plays an prominent role in traffic-monitoring systems to detect congestion and notice accidents. Moreover, dangerous environments for humans in industrial process, especially in chemical industry, are supervised by video cameras. With no doubt, video camera is such a helping hand in establishing the stability and security of our society and safety.
However, with all the distinguishing advancements video camera holds, it still pales in comparison with written records in several aspects. First, it's a well-accepted fact that written records is more economical and convenient than video cameras. Consequently, even living in the era of technology, the traditional written materials like books and files and hand-writing tools like pens and pencils have survived decades in nowadays classrooms. In reality, at least so far, with the limited educational resources and massive amount of educatees ,only with written records like textbooks and examine papers, a systemic and profound schooling process can be fully completed. In another word, video camera is of no use in this mentioned condition.
Secondly, written records is superior in documenting statistic and legal informations. Due to the fact that statistic and legal files possess the nature of requisition in accuracy and preciseness, numbers and terms have to be specifically documented (on white sheet with black ink) (in black and white). Therefore, no video camera will (come into the picture)(这个短语用的美的很), when it comes to situations like an accountant does a financial statement or a demographer analyzes a population distribution or a supplier signs a complex business contract with a client or two companies file an establishment of cooperation. Only written records makes accurate number and legal terms appear on paper in details, which video camera fails to accomplish.
Last but not least, video camera lacks the capability of documenting one's perspectives , feelings or impressions, which needs written records to complement. Unlike video camera, written records has been existed beyond human history, a history that is fraught with literal masterpieces, since human inside sentiments are the main source of flourishing literature. Meanwhile literature itself is a vivid historical documentation. For supporting evidence of this point, one needs look no further than the 1950s in American history, when the World War Two ended and Cold War began. With this backdrop, Beat Generation had come into prominence by "recording" this socially conservative and highly materialistic period to express their calling for spontaneity , an end to psychological repression and a romantic desire for more chaotic. The remarkable and representative works of Beat Generation like Naked Lunch and On The Road have created a cultural phenomena and influenced numerous postmodern novolists. Admittedly, written records beats video camera again in documenting the powerful internal universe of human beings, which is an indispensible component of literature prosperity.  
To sum up, when it comes to documenting temporal and spatial event or experience, video camera has its advanges. However, there is more than motion pictures and sounds to record in our lives. To some extent, written records can not be replaced or even topped. Thus, (making the most out of what we have to help us better understand and colorize the world around us) （这句话读起来有点费劲，也没有明白这句话的意思 o(∩_∩)o...）, combining video camera and written records to serve us hand in hand is the way to go.

总结：
1.    作者写作结构非常清晰，各种连接词都用的很精准，值得学习。
2.    文章非常具有文采，如果我是ETS老师，肯定会给满分的。很多动词都用得很到位，很值得学习。
3.    每一段都围绕TS展开，例子都能恰如其份地佐证论点，非常值得学习。
~~似乎说了太多优点了，但文章真的美的很。  自己改的也不知道对不对，^_^