Issue7 =So What=小组第1次作业 by linyan821230

linyan821230UID: 2638813

:)

linyan821230UID: 2638813

7. "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records." （字数：396，时间：大约3小时:L）
摄像机可以通过如此精确而有力的记录手段来再现当代生活，因此它已经代替书面记录成为了一种更重要的记录手段。

中文提纲：1. 摄像机确实已经成为一种有效的记录手段，它可以记录声音、图像等非文字的内容。但是，要用摄像取代文字记录尚不可行。
2. 两种记录方法的对象不同：对摄像机记录的主要是画面、声音与人物活动。但是在生产与生活中，还需要记录许多抽象内容，如数据，反思，法律或心得，科研成果等。这些都需要纸质的记载。
3. 摄像记录依赖于工具，不如纸质记录方便，可以随时随地地进行。纸质记录对人的要求较低，主要能读写就行。
4. 综上所述，摄像是代生活记录的重要方式之一，但它不能取代文字记录。

linyan821230UID: 2638813

重写
The video camera has become an important form of documentation to record the contemporary life for it can provide accurate and convincing record. But it is arbitrary to conclude that video camera has been more important than the written records.

Comparing with written records, the video camera can provide more information, including the pictures, sounds and movements that couldn’t be recorded directly by written records. It is common to use a video camera to record the growing up of the children, the wedding ceremony and any other significant events in people’s life. With the video camera any great activity happens anywhere in the world could be reported. For example, we are able to watch NBA games at home all over the world.

However, in some aspects the written records are superior to the video camera. The video camera record and the written record apply to different targets. The video camera applies to the events which focus on the activity of people, the sounds and pictures, for example, the 2008 Olympic Games. However, there are some other types of information also needed to be recorded, including the data in scientific studies, the details in economic growth, and the thoughts during people’s life. All the abstract information consisting of numbers, ideas and arguments will be better recorded by written records.

Making a video record, which relies on the video camera, is not as widespread as the written record. When people encounter an event which they want to record, they can bear it in mind and write it out once they get a pen and a piece of paper. However, they can never make a video without a video
camera anytime and any where. And anyone who can read and write can make a written record, unlike the video record requiring the possession of a video camera and the ability to use it.

In addition, making video record consumes more resources than the written record. Generally speaking, the video camera consumes films and needs more space to store them than written records. It is always necessary to transform the video record into digital format, which requires personal resource with the ability to edit the video.

In conclusion, both of the video camera and written records have advantages and disadvantages. It is unfair to overemphasize any of them. The written record is able to record abstract information, and the camera video provides accurate records. The two forms of documentation should be complementary to each other.

miki7catUID: 2533330

[]认为不妥的表达或用法，还有拼写错误。后面（）里为解释说明


{}原句内容 <>建议修改为


The video camera has become an effective tool to record the contemporary life for it can record more information than the written records, including the pictures, sounds and movements that couldn’t be recorded directly by written records. [Using the video camera to record the growing up of children is very common in individual families. Without the video camera it is impossible for us to see the football games at home. ]（例子最好不要出现在首段。）{But speaking of the replacement of the written records, [I am afraid]（口语化？）that it is not the proper moment.}  <But it is not proper moment for the replacement of written records.> There still is something that the video camera cannot do in comparison with written records.

The video camera record and the written record apply to different targets. The use of video camera applies to the events which focus on the activity of people, the sounds and pictures, [for example]（+句子。见语法分析） someone’s birthday party [, and] the 2008 Olympic Games. However, there are some other types of information also needed to be recorded, including the data in scientific studies, the details in economic growth, and the thoughts during people’s life. All the abstract information consisting of numbers, ideas and arguments will be better recorded by written records.

Making a video record, which relies on the video camera, is not as widespread as the written record. When people encounter an event which they want to record, they can bear it in mind and write it out once they get a pen and a piece of paper. However, you can never make a video without a video [camera] anytime and any where. And anyone who can read and write can make a written record, unlike the video record requiring the possession of a video [camera] and the ability to use it.

In addition, making video record consumes more resources than the written record. Generally speaking, the video camera consumes films and needs more space to store them than written records. It is always necessary to translate the video record into digital format, which requires personal resource with the ability to edit the video.

In conclusion, the video camera has been an important documentation method to record our life. With the development of [Internet]（专有名词大写）, the video can be spread more and more conveniently. However, the written record is able to record abstract information, while it is more widespread and requiring fewer resources. The written records are absolutely can not be replaced by the camera video record.


语法错误分析：
for example的用法（百度出来的，错误的话请指正）：
书面语中for example后面一般跟一句话，如果跟名词短语的话，需要用逗号分隔：
例如：I know many women who have a career and a family, for example, Alison.
或者for example 放在名词后面
例如：I know many women who have a career and a family, Alison for example.

mqi07UID: 2521740

The video camera has become an effective tool to record the contemporary life for it can record more information than the written records, including the pictures, sounds and movements that couldn’t be recorded directly by written records. Using the video camera to record the growing up(直接用growth是否更好) of children is very common in individual families. （两个论据之间应该有个连接词，使结构更完整调理更明确）Without the video camera it is impossible for us to see the football games at home. But speaking of （感觉好口语，不知道能不能用？？？个人觉得用concerning这个词较好）the replacement of the written records, I am afraid that it is （按照语法分析 这个it 指的是replacement，换个句型是否更好）not the proper moment. There still is （应该是is still吧）something that the video camera cannot do in comparison with（用得好） written records.

The video camera record and the written record apply to different targets. The use of video camera applies to（要么是the use is that...要么是video applies to...） the events which focus on the activity of people, the sounds and pictures, for example,(我觉得这里用like这个词更好) someone’s birthday party, the 2008 Olympic Games. However, there are some other types of information also needed to be recorded, including the data in scientific studies, the details in economic growth, and the thoughts during people’s life（好）.（最好有个连接词） All the abstract information consisting of numbers, ideas and arguments will be better recorded by written records.

Making a video record, which relies on the video camera, is not as widespread as the written record. When people encounter an event which they want to record, they can bear it in mind and write it out once they get a pen and a piece of paper. However, you（用they符合上下文） can never make a video without a video anytime and any where. And anyone who can read and write can make a written record, unlike the video record requiring the possession of a video and the（应该加上people's 否则指代不清） ability to use it.

In addition, making video record consumes（好词） more resources than the written record. Generally speaking, the video camera consumes films and needs more space to store them than written records. It is always necessary to translate（应该是transform） the video record into digital format, which requires personal resource with the ability to edit the video.

In conclusion, the video camera has been an important documentation method to record our life. With the development of internet(个人认为 结论段应该上整个文章的总结 并与上文一脉相承 但突然来个上文没提到的 网络 我不确定这样写好不好？？？), the video can be spread more and more conveniently（这句放在开头应该更好，作为扣题的表述）. However, the written record is able to record abstract information, while（这里为什么用转折词 应该用and 之类的吧） it is more widespread and requiring fewer resources. （最好有个连接词）The written records are absolutely can （两个谓语 去掉一个）not be replaced by the camera video record.

linyan童鞋的论据写得挺好  逻辑也不错
但语言衔接上有些欠缺 有些句式不到位
整体上来讲 多看看看范文 这也是我们都要共同加强的地方
anyway 努力再努力