issue7 =so what=小组第一次作业by 紫薇花开

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

提纲：1.从普及程度上来说，摄像机还不能与纸笔相比。首先，摄像机比较昂贵，并不是每一个人都拥有。其次，摄像机的使用在很多场合都没有纸笔方便

2. 摄像机虽然可以精确记录人们的生活，但是却不能记录很多其他的方面。摄像机可以记录很多外在的东西，但是却不能完全面会内在的东西。就好比，摄像机不能取代用纸笔描绘的人物内心世界

3.当然，摄像机有他的优势。因此，应将这种记录手段与传统记录手段结合起来，这两种记录我们生活的方法并非相互抵触

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

Has the video camera become a more important form of documentation than written records just because it provides an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life but all over the people admit that the importance of the video camera can`t outweigh the importance of written records, the reasons are as following:
First of all, video camera are too expensive for most people, especially in developing nations. Video cameras is the product of technology and science. There is a big difference on the development of technology among difference on the development of technology among different country, seriously, the life level also is different. Moreover, the written document is a far more convenient method of recording in many occasions. Such as a reporter in a mountain when there is no electric just relies on written record to report what he want to tell the world.
Though the video camera provides an accurate record of physical life and phenomena, it cannot competently provide insight into the mind. The records of video camera are consisted with phenomena of people and their life. The video camera can records the wearing of people today but it cannot tell us why people wear these wearing. at the same time, the video camera can show the food people today eat, but it cannot show because the delicacy of these food make people want to taste again. At this point, the video camera cannot replace the written records.
Furthermore, the video camera has its merit, such as a murder scene,
without video camera, we cannot judge quickly and arrest fast the killer. but we should make good use of technology without abandoning tradition methods. These two media can build upon one another, resulting in a multimedia testimony to modern life 。

E-terrestrialUID: 2605509

2# 紫薇花开
Has the video camera become a more important form of documentation than written records just because it provides an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life 【这个句子太蹊跷，应该是文问句吧？怎么不见问号？】but all over the people admit that the importance of the video camera can`t outweigh the importance of written records, 【觉得你强调的是“并不是所有人都认为”，是不是not all people admit ....更好点？ 】the reasons are as following:

觉得您对题目的理解很对的，但开头句子需要多加工




First of all, video camera are too expensive for most people, especially in developing nations. Video cameras is the product of technology and science. There is a big difference on the development of technology among difference on the development of technology among different country, seriously, the life level also is different. Moreover, the written document is a far more convenient method of recording in many occasions. Such as a reporter in a mountain when there is no electric just relies on written record to report what he want to tell the world.
Though the video camera provides an accurate record of physical life and phenomena, it cannot competently provide insight into the mind. The records of video camera are consisted with phenomena of people and their life. The video camera can records the wearing of people today but it cannot tell us why people wear these wearing. at the same time, the video camera can show the food people today eat, but it cannot show because the delicacy of these food make people want to taste again. At this point, the video camera cannot replace the written records.
Furthermore, the video camera has its merit, such as a murder scene,
without video camera, we cannot judge quickly and arrest fast the killer. but we should make good use of technology without abandoning tradition methods. These two media can build upon one another, resulting in a multimedia testimony to modern life 。

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

Has the video camera become a more important form of documentation than written records just because it provides an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life 这是个问句吧？楼主是不是开头开得到后面忘记了。。。but all over the people 好像只有all over the world，并且你这样说好像说得太绝对了。所有人都这样认为吗？admit that the importance of the video camera can`t outweigh the importance of written records, the reasons are as following:
First of all, video camera are /is too expensive for most people, especially in developing nations. Video cameras is/are 单复数！！！ the product of technology and science. There is a big difference on the development of technology among difference on the development of technology among different country, 费解seriously, the life level also is different. Moreover, the written document is a far more convenient method of recording in many occasions. Such as a reporter in a mountain when there is no electric just relies on written record to report what he want to tell the world.
Though the video camera provides an accurate record of physical life and phenomena, it cannot competently provide insight into the mind. The records of video camera are consisted with，consist可以直接做动词，不要那个are，consist of,由...组成，consist with，与..一致。 phenomena of people and their life. The video camera can records 去掉Sthe wearing of people today but it cannot tell us why dopeople wear these wearing. at 大写the same time, the video camera can show whatthe food people today eat, but it cannot show because the delicacy of these food make people want to taste again费解，语句组成有问题。. At this point, the video camera cannot replace the written records.
Furthermore, the video camera has its merit, such as a murder scene,
without video camera, we cannot judge quickly and arrest fast the killer. but we should make good use of technology without abandoning tradition methods. These two media can build upon one another, resulting in a multimedia testimony to modern life 。

1.楼主同学的语法要大大加强！另外，总的感觉用词还是有些单一，变化太少，表达也太简单。
2.观点展开不够，论证不够strong。字数太少了！
3.感觉是一边倒的论证结构，我不知道这个题目是不是适合这样。。。video camera总还是可以有一段用来描述好处的吧？不然太可怜了。。。而且你在说written record好的时候，也承认了摄像机的好处，还不如干脆专门一段写呢。

加油！^_^

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

修改篇
Has the video camera become a more important form of documentation than written records just because it provides an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life ？ but most of the people admit that the importance of the video camera can’t outweigh the importance of written records, the reasons are as following:
First of all, video camera is too expensive for most people, especially in developing nations. Video cameras is the product of technology and science. There is a big difference on the development of technology among different country, seriously, the life level also is different. Moreover, the written document is a far more convenient method of recording in many occasions. Such as a reporter in a mountain when there is no electric just relies on written record to report what he want to tell the world.
Though the video camera provides an accurate record of physical life and phenomena, it cannot competently provide insight into the mind. The records of video camera consist of phenomena of people and their life. The video camera can record the wearing of people today but it cannot tell us why people wear these wearing. At the same time, the video camera can show the food people today eat, but it cannot show
the delicacy of these food which make people want to taste again. At this point, the video camera cannot replace the written records.
Furthermore, the video camera has its merit, such as a murder scene,
without video camera, we cannot judge quickly and arrest fast the killer. but we should make good use of technology without abandoning tradition methods. These two media can build upon one another, resulting in a multimedia testimony to modern life 。

首先谢谢小灿 如此细心的修改
由于首次写 所以把握的一点都不好
由于时间紧 所以先做如此修改
至于内容充实上 我还会以后在填充 因为我对I 还。。。。