Issue7 =So What=小组第一次作业 by 米丽水

米丽水UID: 2637300

7. "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
翻译：摄像机可以通过如此精确而有力的记录手段来再现当代生活，因此它已经代替书面记录成为了一种更重要的记录手段。
提纲：过去，书面记录在过去是重要的记录手段。有优点和不足。
现在，摄像机弥补了书面记录的不足，已经成为当代生活的重要记录手段。
即使如此，摄像机也不能代替书面记录。理由摄像机的不足。
得出结论，两者各有千秋，互为补充。
In the past, people described life by writing marks and then languages on stones, bones, bamboo and then paper. It is vital for us to have access to such valuable data as how our parents and grandparents and beyond lived, how they thought, what happened to them and what they achieved and so on because, as Francis Bacon put it, ”History makes a wise man.” It is these written records that push the whole human beings forward. Unfortunately, many records of that time continually cause us confused because the same story was described in the different angles of people. Maybe someone lied for some political reasons or other reasons. In this case, who will we believe? Still, some methods of making tools are hard to master if only written records exist because the understanding of the written records is different for everyone. Though later drawings about these methods were able to help, not everyone could draw and it took a long time.



Luckily, with the development of new technologies, the video camera appeared and was swiftly applied to a variety of areas as the record it provides is so accurate, convincing that it has become another important form of documentation. For instance, with video camera, illegal actions are spied in public areas like supermarkets. Once they occur, the investigation will be easily carried out because of the vivid images on the scene. Videos on how workers operate are convenient for technology communication because they precisely show the whole process. Sometimes camera records on great occasions from family marriage to national conferences are worthy to be collected not only for amusement but also for memories when you occasionally hear the voice and watch images of the past.

However, even if video records are so popular that it has been a necessary part of documentation, will they replace written records?
Of course not! Video-play depends not only on electricity but also on equipment that means if either of them is unavailable, any data will not be acquired. It must be a nuisance that you are watching a fantastic video when suddenly the power is off or when something is wrong with the camera. In remote places where there is no electricity, how does the camera work? Moreover in poor places, even if there is electricity, villagers there usually cannot afford such large expenses for video equipment to get information. At these occasions, written records still play a vital role in sending messages.


Overall, both written records and video records are equally important.


Time consumed: 4 hours.

robotwishUID: 2550184

拼写等小错误（已改正）
我的意见
有问题的或觉得不太好，（讨论时解决）




In the past, people described life by writing marks and then languages on stones, bones, bamboo and then paper. It is vital for us to have access to such valuable data as how our parents and grandparents and beyond（韦氏大学词典：作为名词时：1 : something that lies beyond
2 : something that lies outside the scope of ordinary experience specifically）lived, how they thought, what happened to them and what they achieved and so on because, as Francis Bacon put it, ”History makes a wise man.” It is these written records that push the whole human beings forward. Unfortunately, many records of that time continually cause us confused because the same story was described in the different angles of（个人感觉不妥，有待商榷） people. Maybe someone lied for some political reasons or other reasons（改为others，避免重复）. In this case, who will we believe? Still, some methods of making tools are hard to master if only written records exist because the understanding of the written records is different for everyone. Though later drawings about these methods were able to help, not everyone could draw and it took a long time.
（这一段描述了传统记录手段的发展历程以及我们的困惑，为下文作铺垫。Ps.看了以后我也有些困惑，理解不到位，这个讨论时再议）



Luckily（极妙的转折） the development of new technologies, the video camera appeared and was swiftly applied to a variety of areas as the records it provides is so accurate, convincing （and objective） that it has become another important form of documentation. For instance, with video camera, illegal actions are spied in public areas like supermarkets（。。。and。。）. Once they occur, the investigation will be easily carried out because of the vivid images on the scene. Videos on how workers operate are convenient for technology communication because they precisely show the whole process. Sometimes camera records on great occasions from family marriage to national conferences are worthy to be collected not only for amusement but also for memories when you occasionally hear the voice and watch images of the past.（列出了摄像的优点，举了三个例子）

However, even if video records are so popular that it has been a necessary part of documentation, will they replace written records?
Of course not! Video-play depends not only on electricity but also on equipment that means if either of them is unavailable, any data will not be acquired. It must be a nuisance that you are watching a fantastic video when suddenly the power is off or when something is wrong with the camera（简约是美，不过这里应该详尽点举几个形象的例子，不会让文章太空洞，还能增加字数）. In remote places where there is no electricity, how does the camera work? Moreover in poor places, even if there is electricity, villagers there usually cannot afford such large expenses（我觉得可以从这里详细点或者说再拓宽一点展开written records的优点） for video equipment to get information. At these occasions, written records still play a vital role in sending messages.
本段主要是抓了一个video的缺点，就是说应用的广泛性和普及度，个人觉得应该再说大一点，形成一个独特的视角


从这里到结尾缺乏有力的论据，应该再补充些written records 不能被替代的point 以及advantages

Overall, both written records and video records are equally important.


Time consumed: 4 hours.

总结：
1.
首先从时间和语法结构等错误上来看，作者花了很多功夫，态度非常认真，值得同组的我去学习。
2.
其次我估计作者是第一次写，，逻辑思路很清楚，不过整体结构我觉得有点中国式思维，不过这样慢慢引入到最后才陈述观点的也不是不好，但是我也说不清楚，因为我也欠缺经验（第一次）。不过个人觉得西方的思维一般都是先入主题，所以我建议作者在一段补充个topic sentence，把目前第一段向下推比较好，最后在论证written records方面再做些观点的补充，这样应该说比较全面地支持你的观点了
3.
再说下文中各段结构，应该说中间两段都是先概括，后举例子。个人觉得再加个简要的概括比较完整，就是总分总
4.
语言:作者的语法，结构问题都不大，个人建议多加点多音节的词汇和复合句比较好，不过这个大部分新手都欠缺，包括我，大家一同努力，相信只是时间的问题.
5.
最后我觉得观点创新性和独特性来说，作者已经有叫人眼前一亮的东西了

terraliUID: 2599465

In the past, people described life by writing marks marks 是made 的and then 这个连词在这里用什么意思languages on stones, bones, bamboo and then paper. It is vital致命的是什么意思？这个词用这里不对 for us to have access to such valuable data 这个词也很怪，生活中的数据？as how our parents and grandparents and beyond lived这个短语我没明白什么意思。而且AND应该连接相同名词，也就是说应该是动词，这个显然不是。, how 应该是what吧。指向内容。方式用HOW they thought, what happened to them and what they achieved and so on because, 为什么要吧Because和后面的句子隔开？as Francis Bacon put it, ”History makes a wise man.” It is these written records that push the whole human beings forward.前进不用这个词。progress。 Unfortunately, many records of that time continually cause us confused because the same story was described in the different angles of people. Maybe someone lied for some political reasons or other reasons.political purpose. 而且，这句话放这里很突兀。 In this case, who will we believe? 用trust. Still, some methods of making tools 用manipulate 把这个句子重说一遍吧。are hard to master if only written records exist because the understanding of the written records is different for everyone.这句话是观点，下面应该论证。 Though later drawings 这个draw是什么，图画的意思么？about these methods were able to help, not everyone could draw and it took a long time.



Unfortunately, many records of that time continually cause us confused because the same story was described in the different angles of people.

这句话没有语法错误，但是很怪，所以单独拎出来。又不知道那里错，所以我照我的想法重写了一遍。
different angles 了 ，就不应该有THE
Unfortunately, because of so many different explanation about the same event,people can not understand them clearly.

Luckily, with the development of new technologies, the video camera appeared 应该是invent吧，只能被发明，不会appear。 and was swiftly applied to a variety of areas as the record it provides is so accurate, convincing that it has become another important form of documentation. For instance, with video camera,应该是by illegal actions are spied in public areas like supermarkets.前面说的是非法活动被监视，举例却说了个超市， 论证不能支持观点。 Once they occur, the investigation will be easily carried out because of the vivid images on the scene. Videos on how workers operate are convenient for technology communication because they precisely show the whole process. Sometimes camera records on great occasions from family marriage to national conferences are worthy to be collected not only for amusement but also for memories when you occasionally hear the voice and watch images of the past.

Luckily, with the development of new technologies, the video camera appearedand was swiftly applied to a variety of areas
as the record it provides is so accurate, convincing that it has become another important form of documentation.

前半句用了被动，后面我没有读通。as the record it 这里

Once they occur, the investigation will be easily carried out because of the vivid images on the scene
because of 后面跟名词或者名词性成分。

Videos on how workers operate are convenient for technology communication because they precisely show the whole process.

单从语法层面分析，video on..后面跟的应该是一个名词， 而How 不能引导名词性从句。
上面这句话存疑，我仔细看了看，觉得不能确定了

However, even if 这个词，即使，和逗号后面的句子没有联系啊。“即使video 很重要 ，我们就代替他么”？video records are so popular that it has been a necessary part of documentation, will they replace written records?
Of course not! Video-play depends not only on electricity(energy) but also on equipment that means if either of them is unavailable, any data will not be acquired. It must be a nuisance that you are watching a fantastic video when suddenly the power is off or when something is wrong with the camera. In remote places where there is no electricity, how does the camera work? Moreover in poor places, 两个Place，重复even if there is electricity, villagers 镇民？这个词太宽泛了。there usually cannot afford such large expenses for video equipment to get information. At these occasions, written records still play a vital又是致命的 role in sending messages.

Overall, both written records and video records are equally important.

恩，我很急，所以只挑了语法错误，各段的论证还没有仔细的想，呵呵，净在鸡蛋里挑骨头了，有一些我不是很确定，如果说错了，就告诉我哈，我好改正。

19：30的修改：vital这个词，我又查过，是正确的，vital role这样的说法。我见得少，所以总觉得不顺眼。恩。不在原文上修改了，在此警示自己～不确定就瞎改。

terraliUID: 2599465

这个，看了一下楼上的修改，很仔细，然后也指出了LZ的优点和缺点
可是我急匆匆，只是挑了下错误。。。羞愧下。。。
下次改正。