ISSUE190【DIES IN THE FLAMES】BY yyx017

Alex_2009UID: 2616286

小北 我来了 之前就来看了一下 对你的观点很感兴趣 马上就帮你改

archaeologyUID: 2598252

我马上就断电了，明天来改，嘿嘿

archaeologyUID: 2598252

Art, which comes with so many incarnations such as drama, music, painting sculpture, and, in some ways, （我觉得这个词组没必要用，显得多余，而且意思别扭）architecture, provides, （provides后面的逗号可以去掉，已经用了不少了）pleasure, beauty and instruction to us. But when it encounters serious social problems, from my point of view, it should be shelved or even ignored by the government in the very period of time.（‘当艺术遇到严重的社会问题，它应该被政府搁置或忽略’我觉得这句话并没有表达清楚题目的意思以及你的观点。你写作时的潜意识可能是说政府的搁置和忽略就是不资助艺术，而读者可能会认为是不发展艺术，两码事）And from another perspective, even in a harmonious society, sometimes the sponsor of the government may be misleading（我觉得这个词不合适）.

As a stable society, our people（‘作为一个稳定的社会，我们的人……’是否犯了主语指代不搭配的错误) all have the nature to pursuit of the well living standard, harmonious environment and a good job that provides wealth to both the individual and the society（后面有一个类似的搭配，你把both放在to前，我感觉后面的好一些）. Maybe it seems better than what we have thought about the basic elements of survival in the past time, but nowadays, it is the bottom line.（这句话的意思我没有理解，小北帮我解释一下吧） So, imagine（imagining?)when the line is broken, our physiological needs are threatened by the famine and the economic crisis, do we have the ability to devote other energy to the arts? Definitely not. It makes sense that government put the money to the most emergency realm (the lack of the basic survival sources) to guarantee the robust movements of our society. Only in that way can we get rid of the serious social problems such as starvation and the unemployment. As we all know, today the world is suffering from the depression of the economy. According to it, most social organizations including the corporations and government seems（我觉得这里的单复数有些问题） to put their all energy to this field in order to give a well-off society back to our citizens. It is ridiculous and, perhaps, even cruel to use the public recourses to support the arts in such very time.

From another prospective, in a great extent, the support of the arts means the support of the artists. However, such support does not do any good, sometimes misleading（个人还是觉得这个词不合适）, to the artists and the development of the art. From any government, whether communist or democratic, the support of the arts must always be politicized and bureaucratized. Once the artists accept the support from the government, they must obey the "party lines" which is imposed by the government. Officials must always be prepared to（不需要用被动，主语即是动作的发出者） provide answers for Congressional members to show that funds for the arts are being spent for "good public purposes." Under such situation, a contradiction seems never be reconciled that those artist who get the government support demand absolute freedom of expression. （资助起到了反作用，恩，我也用到了这样的观点，呵呵）It is harmful both to the artists and the art itself. The most valuable characters of the artists such as creativity and inspiration are rusted when obey（形式错误，貌似？） to the so called "good public purposes". Almost all the lasting value（可数，values) of the arts (are) created from the freedom spirit, not the forced discipline.

In addition, we may sometimes myth the artists that they all have special skills, however, they are as common as us. We should keep in mind that artists also are more likely to thrive and produce in a society where free-market conditions are active. The "starving artist" age has passed and it is impossible for artists to experience the life of Van Gogh or Mozart. The modern technology is changing the classic concept of the arts, and also benefits the artists a lot. New created materials for painters and sculptors, new methods of producing and retaining artistic work, all these will lead artists to better life. Furthermore, in some degree, art is just a job, the initial purpose of almost everyone in this area is to make their works famous or can be sold in a high price. （这句话有毛病，主语“是最初的意图”，第一个动作是让作品出名，没错。后面的有问题了，第二个动作是被卖个好价，意图被卖好价，搭配错误。）The free market, though scorned by many artists, actually provides handsome opportunities（不太懂）for them to follow their own aspirations in seeking full expression and become recognized. It may be easier because they usually needs a small number of allies and supporters(just like fans). So, the artists have the ability to survive, probably much better, with their own.
这段的论点比较新颖，我的理解是说 现在是市场经济，艺术家的作品更容易被卖出以及卖个好钱，所以说艺术家生存完全可以靠自己。是这个意思吗？

According to what I have said above, we can safely draw an conclusion that the government should not use the public resources to （support）the arts, not only because (掉了of，后面是个词组)the more emergency circumstance we face with, but also it is unnecessary and does nothing or even something bad to art itself.

archaeologyUID: 2598252

小北这篇文章的优点很多，我就不一一说了，从改正错误和弥补不足中才能进步，上面都是我的一些拙见，水平有限，有些地方可能改得不对。希望一起探讨一下。

Alex_2009UID: 2616286

TOPIC: ISSUE190 - "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate-and, perhaps, even cruel-when one considers all the potential uses of such money."


Art, which comes with so many incarnations such as drama, music, painting sculpture, and, in some ways, architecture, provides, pleasure, beauty and instruction to us. But when it encounters serious social problems, from my point of view, it should be shelved or even ignored by the government in the very period of time. And from another perspective, even in a harmonious society, sometimes the sponsor of the government may be misleading.（这个观点有点不同）

As a stable society, our people all have the nature to pursuit of the well living standard, harmonious environment and a good job that provides wealth to both the individual and the society.（这句的意思，作为一个稳定的社会，人们都有追求好的生活标准，和谐的环境，好的工作这些能为个人和社会提供财富的nature。）
1）Maybe it seems better than what we have thought about the basic elements of survival in the past time, but nowadays, it is the bottom line.
2）So, imagine when the line is broken, our physiological needs are threatened by the famine and the economic crisis,（为什么是这两个词搭配放在一起呢？貌似这两个在这里的相关性不是很大）do we have the ability to devote other energy to the arts? Definitely not.

到这里，1，2两句主要说明了art的投资应在bottom line被满足之后，但是这里提到的economic crisis 与have the ability貌似并不是衔接的很好，因为经济危机之下，政府仍然也在支持艺术的发展，国内就是这样）

3）It makes sense that government put the money to the most emergency realm (the lack of the basic survival sources) to guarantee the robust movements of our society（这个具体是什么意思）.
4）Only in that way（government put the money to the most emergency realm） can we get rid of the serious social problems such as starvation and the unemployment. （这句话的only貌似在文中很难站住脚）
5）As we all know, today the world is suffering from the depression of the economy.
6）According to it, most social organizations including the corporations and government seems to put their all energy to this field in order to give a well-off society back to our citizens.
（小康社会的水平在bottom line 之上，这里提出这个貌似不是很协调）
7）It is ridiculous and, perhaps, even cruel to use the public recourses to support the arts in such very time.
（这个结尾的结论如果是以目前的经济危机为例为据来说的，显得得出结论有点仓促了）

From another prospective, in a great extent, the support of the arts means the support of the artists. However, such support does not do any good, sometimes misleading, to the artists and the development of the art. From any government, whether communist or democratic, the support of the arts must always be politicized and bureaucratized.（理由） Once the artists accept the support from the government, they must obey the "party lines" which is imposed by the government. Officials must always be prepared to provide answers for Congressional members to show that funds for the arts are being spent for "good public purposes." Under such situation, a contradiction seems never be reconciled that those artist who get the government support demand absolute freedom of expression. It is harmful both to the artists and the art itself. The most valuable characters of the artists such as creativity and inspiration are rusted when obey to the so called "good public purposes". Almost all the lasting value of the arts created from the freedom spirit, not the forced discipline.
（这一段论述政府支持艺术的misleading，论证还是可以的）

In addition, we may sometimes myth the artists that they all have special skills, however, they are as common as us. We should keep in mind that artists also are more likely to thrive and produce in a society where free-market conditions are active. The "starving artist" age has passed and it is impossible for artists to experience the life of Van Gogh or Mozart. The modern technology is changing the classic concept of the arts, and also benefits the artists a lot. New created materials for painters and sculptors, new methods of producing and retaining artistic work, all these will lead artists to better life. Furthermore, in some degree（这个短语对后面一句提出的观点很有用）, art is just a job, the initial purpose of almost everyone in this area is to make their works famous or can be sold in a high price. The free market, though scorned by many artists, actually provides handsome opportunities for them to follow their own aspirations in seeking full expression and become recognized. It may be easier because they usually needs a small number of allies and supporters(just like fans). So, the artists have the ability to survive, probably much better, with their own.
（这段主要说明艺术家可以自己养活自己，所以政府可以不必支持艺术。
这一段是在上一段的基础上提出的，如果要说明政府可以不支持艺术家，同时艺术也可以发展，这里就成功了。）

According to what I have said above, we can safely draw an conclusion that the government should not use the public resources to the arts, not only because the more emergency circumstance we face with, but also it is unnecessary and does nothing or even something bad to art itself.


这是三段的TS和文中的最后一句，放到一起来可以检验文章的段落机构的逻辑衔接：
As a stable society, our people all have the nature to pursuit of the well living standard, harmonious environment and a good job that provides wealth to both the individual and the society.
It is ridiculous and, perhaps, even cruel to use the public recourses to support the arts in such very time.

From another prospective, in a great extent, the support of the arts means the support of the artists. However, such support does not do any good, sometimes misleading, to the artists and the development of the art.
Almost all the lasting value of the arts created from the freedom spirit, not the forced discipline.

In addition, we may sometimes myth the artists that they all have special skills, however, they are as common as us.
It may be easier because they usually needs a small number of allies and supporters(just like fans). So, the artists have the ability to survive, probably much better, with their own.

文章的语言还是不错的，就是感觉第一段的很多地方思维跳跃比较厉害，主观性较强。

Alex_2009UID: 2616286

这篇文章，我认为主要问题在于论述public resources该怎么allocate的问题，论述的反驳点主要集中在as long as，后面那一句只要顺带着回应一下就行。
在这里，主要是支持hungry。。。和支持艺术是否冲突，有冲突该怎么协调，没有冲突又该是如何互相促进的。

作者的观点很有新意，但是有一点我要说的是政府支持艺术属于文化建设的范畴，艺术也是一个产业，一个有会产生庞大收益的市场，支持艺术一样能有回报，从而来支援public resources，而且对于art的审美价值，我觉得文中不应该漏掉。

个人观点，哈哈，多交流