0910G【Try Best】第一小组 arguement238 by 442371236

442371236UID: 2636160

也是第一次写argument。没太多感觉，感觉像在找逻辑错误，想是想了很多，就是到了写他们的时候不知道怎么安排好。
时间2h                         字数   447
The prsident of Mire Vista College concludes that more coursed in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors should be offered to help graduate find employment. In my opinion, it is quite purfunctory of the president to draw such a conclusion based on an incomplete survey, and the argument is seriously flawed in the following several respects.

First, “Only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation “doesn’t necessarily mean that the rest of 30 percent of the students don’t find a part-job, or won’t get a prospective job after three monthes. Furthermore , it is probabely that the graduates who don’t informed the complacement office,which means they are not invluded in the statistics, are able to find a full-time job,while quite a few of the inclusive graduates fail to do that. Thus the statistic is not reliable anymore,neither does the argument.

Second, it is not unlikely that Green Mountain College have a better repuation in that region and are more prestigious in the country , so superior students tend to choose it to further their study and they are generally more competitive in finding a good job. Still another posibility that, there may be some corporations have signed agreements previously and prefer to hire graduates from that college. Or Green Mountain College may have a harmonious atmosphere for learning in which they are more hardworking and acquire more knowledge making them easy in finding a job.

Third, it seems to be resonable to offer more courses in business and hire additional conunslors to imitate Green Mountain College aiming at getting a high rate of employment but I cann’t see any help to the present broblem by offering more courses in computer technology.Different college may have its own specific courses which have been layed paricular streess on, perhaps Green Mountain College’s specific coureses is in business, and it is ,at least in a shorttime ,fruitless to offer more courese in business .And chances may be that Mira Vsita College’s organziation and teaching system or some other aspects ,such as investment in teaching and efforts in helping graduate’employment ,are not as supior as Green Mountain College’s .It is not impossible that the tutors in Green Mountian College are more sofisticated and experenced who knows how to instruct better .

In sum ,the argument is seriously flawed and inpersuasive. In order to make a rational decision, the president must consider all the posibilities that account for the problem thoroughly and comprehensively, make comparision before taking meassures, and then find a effectiv approach to guantee an high employment rate .

GG86_FlyUID: 2641450

The prsident of Mire Vista College concludes that more coursed in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors should be offered to help graduate find employment. In my opinion, it is quite purfunctory? of the president to draw such a conclusion based on an incomplete survey, and the argument is seriously flawed in the following several respects.
First, “Only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation “doesn’t necessarily mean that the rest of 30 percent of the students don’t find a part-job, or won’t get a prospective job after three monthes. Furthermore , it is probabely that the graduates who don’t informed the complacement office,which means they are not included in the statistics, are able to find a full-time job,while quite a few of the inclusive graduates fail to do that. Thus the statistic is not reliable anymore,neither does the argument.（学习了）
Second, it is not unlikely直接说likely吧 that Green Mountain College have a better reputation in that region and is more prestigious in the country , so superior students tend to choose it to further their study and they are generally more competitive in finding a good job. Still another posibility that, there may be some corporations have signed agreements previously and prefer to hire graduates from that college. Or Green Mountain College may have a harmonious atmosphere for learning in which they are more hardworking and acquire more knowledge making them easy in finding a job.最好开头总结下：G的成功可能不是因为课程和咨询人的原因
Third, it seems to be resonable to offer more courses in business and hire additional conunslors to imitate Green Mountain College aiming at getting a high rate of employment but I cann’t see any help to the present broblem by offering more courses in computer technology.Different college may have its own specific courses which have been layed paricular streess on, perhaps Green Mountain College’s specific coureses is in business, and it is ,at least in a shorttime ,fruitless to offer more courese in business .And chances may be ？？that Mira Vsita College’s organziation and teaching system or some other aspects ,such as investment in teaching and efforts in helping graduate’employment ,are not as supior as Green Mountain College’s .It is not impossible that the tutors in Green Mountian College are more sofisticated and experenced who knows how to instruct better .
In sum ,the argument is seriously flawed and inpersuasive. In order to make a rational decision, the president must consider all the posibilities that account for the problem thoroughly and comprehensively, make comparision before taking meassures, and then find a effectiv approach to guantee a high employment rate .
最好有的每段开头有个提示，整段想要论证什么的。条理就更清楚了。

小红莓UID: 2641349

The prsident of Mire Vista College concludes that more coursed in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors should be offered to help graduate find employment. In my opinion, it is quite purfunctory of the president to draw such a conclusion based on an incomplete survey, and the argument is seriously flawed（flaw是个名词！！！没有这个用法。另外，用not reasonable 这种不太绝对的词会比较好） in the following several respects.

First, “Only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation “doesn’t necessarily mean that the rest of 30 percent of the students don’t find a part-job, or won’t get a prospective job after three monthes（时间问题是另外一个方面的，可以在另外一段中论述）. Furthermore , it is probabely that the graduates who don’t informed the complacement office,which means （that）they are not invluded in the statistics, are able to find a full-time job,while quite a few of the inclusive graduates fail to do that. Thus the statistic is not reliable anymore,neither does the argument.

Second, it is not unlikely（你很喜欢用双重否定，这种用法最好还是慎重！） that Green Mountain College have a better repuation in that region and are more prestigious in the country , so superior students tend to choose it to further their study and they are generally more competitive in finding a good job. Still another posibility（is） that, there may be some corporations have signed agreements previously and prefer to hire graduates from that college. Or Green Mountain College may have a harmonious atmosphere for learning in which they are more hardworking and acquire more knowledge making them easy in finding a job.

Third, it seems to be resonable to offer more courses in business and hire additional conunslors to imitate Green Mountain College aiming at getting a high rate of employment but I cann’t see any help to the present broblem by offering more courses in computer technology（没用的话可以不写，直接写原因就可以了）.Different college may have its own specific courses which have been layed paricular streess on, perhaps Green Mountain College’s specific coureses is in business, and it is ,at least in a shorttime ,fruitless to offer more courese in business .And chances may be that Mira Vsita College’s organziation and teaching system or some other aspects ,such as investment in teaching and efforts in helping graduate’employment ,are not as supior as Green Mountain College’s .It is not impossible that the tutors in Green Mountian College are more sofisticated and experenced who knows how to instruct better .

In sum ,the argument is seriously flawed and inpersuasive. In order to make a rational decision, the president must consider all the posibilities that account for the problem thoroughly and comprehensively, make comparision before taking meassures, and then find a effectiv approach to guantee a high employment rate .


首先还是拼写和语法，这篇我没再给你一个一个指出，你自己放到word里面看吧。具体方法见你的issue中我给你指出的。另外还要注意不要造词！
第二，其实你一直在用它因法，而只在第二段中指出了题目中的谬误。建议你能多提出一点题目中的谬误之后再用它因法寻找新的解释。