0910G【Try Best】第二小组 argument238 by vane5433

currycatUID: 2576917

238The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."

错误类型:
FA(nearby),因果关系类错误,外推类错误(last year),调查类错误(the seniors who informed the placement office)

In this memorandum the president of Mira Vista College recommends that in order to enhance the rate of Mira Vista’s graduates finding employment, the college should provide certain courses and services. To support this advice the president points out that the rate of graduating seniors had job offers is higher in Green Mountain College for the sake of that college has such courses and services. This argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, and therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
A threshold assumption upon which the recommendation relies is that the graduating seniors of Green Mountain College take the business courses the college provide and take the advices of the job counselors in the first place. The memorandum fails to substantiate this crucial assumption. If the related course and the advices are not taken by the graduating seniors, then the high rate of been employed cannot be attribute to them. Accordingly, the president cannot draw any firm conclusion about what effect similar course and counselors would have on the graduating seniors of Mira Vista College in finding jobs.
Even assuming that the students of Green Mountain College taken more business courses and the advices of job counselors. The author relies on the additional assumption that these methods can help them to get more job offers. However, common sense informs that this assumption is a poor one. A variety other causations including the high quality of the senior graduates or the good reputation of the college, might be the causes of a high rate of been employed.
Even the two assumptions above can established it is still hardly to have the conclusion that the graduates from Green Mountain College had a better situation in finding jobs. Just as the author point out, in the survey, the 70 percent of the seniors are among the seniors who had informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment, obviously not all of the graduating seniors. Even these typical graduates can represent others; the result only shows the ones who had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation. What kind of job offers did the graduates from Green Mountain College got and how long took them to get the offers do not mention in the survey.
To sum up, the author’s evidence lends little credible support to his or her claim. To make the argument more convincing, the author would have to present a more convincing survey. Additionally, provide more information with regard to the relationship between job hunting and taking business courses or the advices of job counselor. Therefore, if the argument had include the given factors discussed about, it would have been more thorough and logical acceptable.

bittntUID: 2295266

根据ETS作文评分标准，见：
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-36037-1-1.html
给你的argument分数定位3分，不当之处，多多包含。
这篇文章主题思路比较明确，结构完整。
问题也是显而易见的，其中
1、时态不清楚，中间用到了过多的过去时态和完成时态，实际上可以统一到现在时态就ok吧。在修改版本中，我有些没有给你指出来，希望你统一改正。
2、文中很多用词似乎仅仅根据中文意思，建议作者考察韦氏字典，里面有相关的正确搭配知识。
3、文章中起承转合的一些关键词，作者可以参考精华版中一些帖子，例如therefore最好用到最后一段下结论。