0910G【Try Best】第一小组第一次作业issue99 by cooljcq

cooljcqUID：2498528

写完一篇文章，虽然不敢说好，但至少有成就感，呵呵
TOPIC: ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
WORDS: 715
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009-5-23 20:46:42

I fundamentally agree with the author's assertion that practical viewpoint can more guarantee the success and survival compared to the idealistic point of view, however, when the author argue that the practical idea and pragmatic behavior is the only way to achieve success and survive, my point is absolutely different from it. In most aspects, the practical ideas and methods play a great important part, while in other hand, the idealistic thought will be significant in the process of some events or theory. It will be dependent of the scrutinizing some things in detail, and taking the distinct measures case by case.
No one can deny the significant historical role and current role of practical idea and pragmatic behavior during the process of development of human and society. The scope of it is involved in many fields such as academic and social area, business arena, political fields and many others. When covering the academic area, we know that science and technology bring more and more effect to our daily life especially from the industry revolution till now. It has been influencing our life style, behavior way as well as great impact on our mind. As the scientists has plunged in their favor field and investigated and generalized the principle and main idea of his field, then put into practical use, our life has been changing better and better, which we can feel. Besides, in related to business in which the competition is rather cruel and fairly fierce, some idealistic and imaginative ideas are put into it, without thought, you would be impecunious and dropped out the business arena. In the business area, people always put first the practical idea and benefit then consider other things or not, all the things in their mind is that whether the idea or viewpoint can be altered into practical product and bring more benefit or not. The development and further step of the society almost depends the real practice and pragmatic behavior.
In some circumstances, especially for the furious competitive area, if you choose to ideal concept or behavior, which is equal to be washed out from the area you staying. Only study the useful and practical method, can you survive in the fast developed and cruel competitive society.

Admittedly, the practical idea and viewpoint play paramount function during the development of human society. However, unduly emphasizing on the part that the practical viewpoint and contemptuously neglecting the important role that the idealistic viewpoint taking in the process of our society's development would result in some consequences that is out our imagination and scope. Firstly, when the idealistic idea and thought exist in the current world whether in nature or in society, human would be replete with hope for the future regardless of the whole world or his destination. It is nearly adaptable to every field that we can imagine. Such as the academic field covered above, to which the ideal thought sometimes plays predominant effect during the development and progress of it. As most of us familiar with the subject such as the physics and other theory in which a lot of hypothesis and guess play a great part when the theory or investigation proceed to some extent that can never go further. The next step is to testify the presumption again and again then can get the final conclusion, thus the human and society can gain further step. Next, in political field, the ideal or idealistic viewpoint can't be absent from the politic system. In some special period and certain society, the exciting and encouraged goal can empower most of people to endeavor for it, such as the communism where every people can be equal in freedom, right, wealth, reputation can collect most of people to try their best to achieve it.

In a final analysis, the idealistic viewpoint plays the same role as the practical idea and pragmatic behavior in the progress of society and growth of human. Overemphasizing or neglecting any one of them could lead to delay of progress for society, even the worst result is to obstruct and lug the step of the society, which we are reluctant to view. Therefore, a good performance and better condition of a society should strike the balance between the practical idea, pragmatic and idealistic viewpoint.

nlhustUID：2404239

I fundamentally agree with the author'sassertion that practical viewpoint can more （better）
guarantee the success and survival comparedto (改成compared with, compared to 应该是用于相似性比较) the idealistic point of view, （用句号，前面那句话可以结束了）however, whenthe author argue that the practical idea and pragmatic behavior is the only wayto achieve success and survive (这个我个人觉得改成survive and succeed 就行了，首先程度递进，然后and 连接的两个词词性相同), my point is absolutely different from it.（这一整句话感觉有点问题，when引导的从句似乎不能恰当的表示出意思，可以换成while，有种让步转折的意味，然后后半句改成I hold an absolutely different opinion 是不是会更好呢？主从句主语的性质相同？） In mostaspects, the practical ideas and methods play a great important part, while in other hand,（可以这么用吗？直接说 in others 吧） the idealistic thoughts will be significant in the process of some events ortheory. It will be dependent of the scrutinizing somethings in detail, and taking the distinct measures case by case. (首先，be dependent of ，然后个人感觉这句话可以删去或者写简明些，看着有点难受)

第一段表明了自己的看法，不过可以更简洁些，比如自己的观点其实也可以放在However那一句里写出，还有最后一句的问题。。


No one can deny the significant historical role and current role of practical idea and pragmatic behavior during the process of development of human and society. （这句话读起来很难受，and 太多了，想practical idea 和pragmatic behavior可以只用一个代替而human and society 就直接写human society吧，似乎用不着界定的这么清楚）The scope of it is involved in many fields such as academic and social area, business arena, political fields and many others（这几个词可以删去，个人认为纯属多余）. When covering the academic area, we know that science and technology bring more and more effects to our daily life especially from the industry revolution (the industrial revolution)till now. It has been influencing our life style, behavior way as well as great impact on our mind(语法错误，可以说influence great impact 吗？). As the scientists has plunged in(学习，不过这个词的用法可以回去好好研究一下，看用在这里是不是很准确) their favor（词性不对，favorite？） field and investigated and generalized the principle and main idea of his field（还是老问题，and 太多了）, then put（put的过去式居然和原形一样，以前都没想到过这个问题，幸好看到了，谢啦） into practical use, our life has been changing better and better（change可以这么用吗？）, which we can feel（这个从句貌似没有多大意义，删了吧）. Besides, in related to business in which the competition is rather cruel and fairly fierce, some idealistic and imaginative ideas are put into it, without thought, you would be impecunious and dropped out the business arena.(这句话肯定有问题，没读通，中间那个到底是插入语还是别的什么？) In the business area, people always put first the practical idea and benefit then consider other things or not, (or not 是什么意思？删去吧，还有这句话已经结束了，句号！！)all the things in their mind is that whether the idea or viewpoint can be altered into practical product and bring more benefit or not. (or 和 and 啊，看晕了。。需简洁，明了。。)The development and further step of the society almost depends the real practice and pragmatic behavior.

第二段：不可否认practical ideas 的重要性———学术领域———商业领域， 我觉得第二段学术领域的论证部分写的太罗嗦，而且没有说是怎样通过practical ideas 影响人们生活的，而只有一句then put into practical use, 感觉这个扣题不准。商业方面的还不错，就是句子有必要写简洁一点


In some circumstances, especially for the furious competitive area, if you choose to （choose sth./ choose to do sth. 后面加the）ideal concept or behavior, which is（语法问题。 改成 it is？  不知道能不能这么改，感觉主语好像不对，用 you are 呢？） equal to be washed out from the area you staying. Only study the useful and practical method, can you survive in the fast developed and cruel competitive society. （only when studying 。。。only 后面不能用动词原形）

为什么这两句话要单独成段？


Admittedly, the practical idea and viewpoint play paramount function during the development of human society. （可以考虑把admittedly 去掉，和后面的句子合成一句话）However, unduly emphasizing on the part that the practical viewpoint and contemptuously neglecting the important role that the idealistic viewpoint taking in the process of our society's development would result in some consequences that is out （of）our imagination and scope. （好长，其实最后一个that从句可以直接换成一个形容词来修饰consequences，比如unpredictable 之类的）Firstly, when the idealistic idea and thought exist in the current world whether in nature or in society, human would be replete with hope for the future regardless of the whole world or his destination. It is nearly adaptable to every field that we can imagine. Such as the academic field covered above, to(in) which the ideal thought sometimes plays predominant effect during the development and progress of it.(这一句句子不完整，那个 such as 是不是应该接在前面一句话后面的？) As most of us (are) familiar with the subject such as the physics and other theory in which a lot of hypothesis and guess play a great part when the theory or investigation proceed to some extent that can never go further. The next step is to testify the presumption again and again then(前面也有这样的用法，怎么读起来都怪别扭的呢。。) can get the final conclusion, thus the human and society can gain further step. Next, in political field, the ideal or idealistic viewpoint can't be absent from the politic system. In some special period and certain society, the exciting and encouraged goal can empower most of people to endeavor for it, such as the communism where every people can be equal in freedom, right, wealth,（用and 连接） reputation can collect most of people to try their best to achieve it.

这一段里firstly 和 next 用的不太恰当吧，firstly 引导的那句话应该是总起而后面分述两个方面对吧？这样的话firstly 后面并没有secondly啊。
两个方面的论述都比较切题，只是觉得还缺少很具体的事例，这些academic field和political field都只能算是泛例，虽然也不错但感觉具体实例会更具说服力


In a final analysis, the idealistic viewpoint plays the same role(？？the same important role？) as the practical idea and pragmatic behavior in the progress of society and growth of human. Overemphasizing or neglecting any one of them could lead to delay of progress for society, even the worst result is to obstruct and lug the step of the society, which we are reluctant to view(可以表达这个意思吗？). Therefore, a good performance and better condition of a society should strike the balance between the practical idea, pragmatic and idealistic viewpoint.

结尾总结，提出应寻求平衡，很好，就是还是可以精简一点的。。

nlhustUID：2404239

果然发上去红的蓝的一大片，我自己都看不清了，lz看的时候辛苦点啦！！
上面大部分改的都是语法上的问题，虽然说AW考的是逻辑思辨能力，但偶觉得语法还是蛮重要的啦，毕竟人家阅卷人得读得顺畅能好好品味你的思想嘛。。所以就还是都给改出来了。

总体感觉就是大体思路很容易辨认，但具体到段内尤其是每一句话就觉得很纠结了，写的太长了，从句套从句的，这样就很容易出现句法错误，建议适当写简单些
破题方面是比较大众化的思路：寻求平衡，结构还是比较明晰的，不过论证方面还可以更加精炼，用具体实例来增加文章说服力。这方面我也很欠缺，一起努力收集吧！！

若有疏漏之处请指出，有问题的地方大家一起讨论！！！

FaustQQUID：2613078

I fundamentally agree with the author's assertion that practical viewpointcan more(什么的比较级，well?还是many或 much?well的比较级是better，就算用better，好像也不能这么用吧) guarantee thesuccess and survival compared to the idealistic point of view., hHowever,when the author argues that the practical idea andpragmatic behavior is the only way to achieve success and survive, my point isabsolutely different from it. In most aspects, the practical ideas and methodsplay a great important part, while in other hand, the idealistic thought will besignificant in the process of some events or theory. It willis(现在时就好了吧) be dependent of on? （我没查出来可以用of）the scrutinizing some （多加了the，还是有这个用法？）things 　（为什么不进接用something,而要用some things？）in detail, and taking the distinct measures caseby case.
No one can deny the significant historical role andcurrent role of practical idea and pragmatic behavior during theprocess of development of human and society（the process of human and society development）. The scope of it is involved in manyfields such as academic and （多个并列词，要么每个中间加and,要么最后一个之前加，你是把academic and social area算一个短语吗，要是你这样算，我不清楚是否合适）social area, business arena, political fields and manyothers. When covering the academic area, we know that science and technologybring more and more effect to our daily life especially from the industry （industrial）revolution till now.(from…till now，好像没这个用法，用since可以吗) It has been influencing our lifestyle, behavior way as well as great impact(这个宾语的动作应用had,前的没有，has不是实意动词) on our mind.As the scientists has plunged in(into) theirfavor field and investigated and generalized the principle and main idea of hisfield, then put it into practical use, our life hasbeenchanging (要么动词用被动态，要么你是把changing当形容词吗)better and better, which we can feel.(we canfeel our life has been becoming better and better. 结构可能没你那么复杂，不过是不是更不容易范错) Besides, in related to business inwhich the competition is rather cruel and fairly fierce, some idealistic andimaginative ideas are put into it, without thought, you would be impecuniousand dropped out the business arena. .（god,又是一个极复杂的句子，我说不清楚到底什么出了问题,但觉得可能有点句法问题）In the business area, people always put first thepractical idea and benefit　and?then consider other things or not(don’t consider,可以这么用吗, ).(该用.号了吧，一个句子完了) aAllthe things in their mind is are thatwhether the idea or viewpoint can be altered into （这个短语是“更改为”的意思，你的意思是转化吧convert into？）practical product and bring more benefit (bringbenefit to,这个固定短语，少了to)ornot. The development and further step of the society almost depends on thereal(你想说真正的实践？) practice and pragmatic behavior.
In some circumstances, especially for the furiouscompetitive area, if you choose to （用choose就好啦，choose to do, ）ideal concept or behavior, which is equal to be washedout from the area you staying. .(这个复杂句我看出问题了，没有主句，只有从句了，把which改为this)Only to studythe useful and practical method, can you survive in the fast developed and cruelcruellycompetitive society.
Admittedly, the practical idea and viewpoint playparamount function during the development of human society. However, undulyemphasizing on the part that the practical viewpoint (这个从句没谓语) and contemptuously neglecting theimportant role that the idealistic viewpoint taking in the processof our society's development （同上）would result in some consequences that is out　of
our imagination and scope. Firstly, when theidealistic idea and thought exist in the current world whether in nature or insociety, (时间状语从句里套让步从句，这个太sophisticated了，觉得有问题，我说不上来)human would be replete with hope forthe future regardless of the whole world or his destination. （It is nearly adaptable to every field that we canimagine. Such as the academic field covered above, to which the ideal thoughtsometimes plays predominant effect during the development and progress of it. .）（上面一段话，要么such包括在第一句中，否则Such这句没有主句）As most of us is familiarwith the subject such as the physics and other theory in which a lot ofhypothesis and guess play a great part when the theory or investigation proceedto some extent that can never go further.(I am confused，还是一句话，只有从句没主句，别的问题，我说不上来) The next step is to testify thepresumption again and again thenso that we canget the final conclusion, thus the human and society can gain further step. (这个复杂句啊，读起来不对头)Next, in political field, the idealor idealistic viewpoint can't be absent from the politic system. In somespecial period and certain society, the exciting and encouraged encouraginggoal can empower most of people to endeavor for it, such as thecommunism where every people can be equal in freedom, right, wealth, reputationcan collect most of people to try their best to achieve it.(句法有问题)
In a final analysis, the idealistic viewpoint plays thesame role as the practical idea and pragmatic behavior in the progress ofsociety and growth of human. Overemphasizing or neglecting any one of themcould lead to delay of progress for society, even (甚至最坏的结果是，这个意思说不通)the worst result is to obstruct andlug the step of the society, which we are reluctant to view. Therefore, a goodperformance and better condition of a society should strike the balance betweenthe practical idea, pragmatic and idealistic viewpoint.


我只是随便改改，定有不当之处和说话粗鲁直接之处，请见恕。
你写的好多，长句很多，有点太复杂，可以先小写，到以后再大写。安全第一，正确第一，呵呵