0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by archaeology

archaeologyUID: 2598252

ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.
'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'

The author concludes that they should decrease their payment on international news and refrain such stories from the magazine covers. To sustain this view, he lists three reasons. At first, their poorest-selling magazine issues are the ones which featured international news stories on covers. Second, their competitors decreased the number of such stories. What is more, the cost to maintain oversea constitutions reporting international news increases. This assertion seems reasonable at first glance, but we can find some flaws on  deep thoughts.

First of all, what is the degree of poorest selling? Is there actually a huge sales gap between the poorest-selling magazine issues and others? If not, it seems unnecessary to act like the author claims, or the sales may descend in virtue of insufficient funds so that less than the ones before. Even the magazine issues covered by international news sell poor obviously, is the cover the only culprit? Actually, the context, the name and reputation of magazine and so forth also have impact on magazine selling. The terrible selling may be induced by boring contexts, high prices, packing or other factors about the magazines. Therefore, we should impute on covers abruptly.

In addition, that other magazines decrease the number of issues which set international news as covers couldn’t prove such covers lead to poor sales volume. Maybe other competitors are preparing for business model transition or involved in economic crisis, and they haven’t any competitive forces in this field originally, undoubtedly, such measures taken by them looks very wise. If the Newsbeat acts as one of bellwethers in this field, it seems inappropriate to follow suit. Even though the Newsbeat also don’t possess any advantage in this field, whatever action should depends on if competitors get profit after that measure.

Finally, the cost increasing of international news reporting couldn’t indicate they should decrease emphasis on international news. The author doesn’t prove the cost will go up for long periods of time, maybe it is just temporary phenomena induced by the unstable exchange rate. Granted the increasing will continue in the future, maybe the added payments are used to promote the news quality and rapidity. For instance, the foreign bureaus hire more professional officers and apparatus to ensure instant and precise information, in which way they are more competitive than other rivals. It is worth notice that we should analyze payments as well as profits. If the profits grow much than the costs, it is unwise to cut the fund support on the oversea affairs.

In sum, the author doesn’t bolster his conclusion well. To strengthen his opinion better, he should persuade us that the international news cover is the only critic factor that result in poor selling and cost increasing of maintaining foreign bureaus. Only In this way could this argument become more cogent.

ddcmj519UID: 176326

ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.
'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'

The author concludes 这开头有点突然。that they should decrease their payment on international news and remove  这个词的意思不对，题目中是refrain from displaying 注意体会下差别，avoid之类的词可能好些 such stories from the magazine covers. To sustain this view, he lists three reasons. At first, their poorest-selling magazine issues featured international news stories on covers. Second, their competitors decrease the number of such stories. What is more, the cost to maintain oversea constitutions reporting international news increases. This assertion seems reasonable at first glance, but we can find some flaws on second删 deep thoughts.

First of all, what is the degree of poorest selling? 大忌！不要用问句做主题句。而且直接搬我的提示性语句不好啦。我那都是提示性语句，要用到文章里得雕琢下啊~~ Is there actually a huge sales gap between the poorest-selling magazine issues and others? If not, it seems unnecessary to act？不解.. like the author claims, or the sales may descend in virtue of insufficient funds so that less than the ones before. Even the magazine issues covered by international news sell poor obviously, is the cover the only culprit? Actually, the context, the name and reputation of magazine and so forth also have impact on magazine selling. The terrible selling may be induced by boring contexts, high prices, packing or other factors about the magazines. Therefore, we should impute on covers abruptly.这个，仔细回去再读读part3，这个顺序不对啊，要把最有力的放在最前面，最有力的选取机制就是part3中反驳作者假设的地方。而那个degree的话只是边缘话题应该放到最后的。建议把顺序调整一下，然后自己对比看看效果如何~

In addition, that other magazines decrease the number of issues which set international news as covers couldn’t prove such covers lead to poor sales volume. Maybe other competitors are preparing for business model transition or involved in economic crisis, 注意断句.. and they haven’t any competitive forces in this field originally,这句话什么意思？没看懂.. undoubtedly, such measures taken by them looks very wise. If the Newsbeat acts as one of bellwethers in this field, it seems inappropriate to follow suit.没给原因啊。 Even though the Newsbeat also don’t possess any advantage in this field, 前半句说自己，后半句说要取决于别人？这样的表达不能让人理解。。whatever action that is to take should depends on if competitors get profit after that measure.这段除了第一句逻辑都不清晰。。试着改下最后那句 what Newsbeat should do may largely depend on the whole scope of competitors' information including their orientation in this field, the comparison in profits before and after this change, and the differences between their situations.

Finally, the cost increasing of international news reporting couldn’t indicate they should decrease emphasis on international news. The author doesn’t prove the cost will go up for long periods of time, maybe it is just temporary phenomena induced by the unstable exchange rate. Granted the increasing will continue in the future, maybe the added payments are used to promote the news quality and rapidity. For instance, the foreign bureaus hire more professional officers and apparatus to ensure instant and precise information, in which way they are more competitive than other rivals. It is worth notice that we should analyze payments as well as profits. If the profits grow much than the costs, it is unwise to cut the fund support on the oversea affairs.再一次顺序不好，仔细看下part3，重点在于他假设成本与收益的不对等性。而个人私底下觉得未来涨价简直是必然的。。物价上涨也不是一天两天的事儿了。关键就是看收入与成本涨幅的对比。这个也就是我所谓的大背景问题。希望引起注意，写的时候一定要从commonsense出发。然后再从这个基本点延伸出来，这样才觉得更有力。可以换一下主体，然后对比看看改前和改后的差异。~

In sum, the author doesn’t bolster his conclusion well. To strengthen his opinion better, he should persuade us that the international news cover 作者说的是cover story。注意区别。 is the only critic factor that result in poor selling and cost increasing of maintaining foreign bureaus. Only In this way could this argument become more cogent.
而我记得结尾不是要说该给哪些东西才能使我们信服么？
anyway
news cover 那个是觉对不对的。cover story =封面的大主题+文字内容。 cover=主题+文字+设计+包装。另外两项显然也是消费者购买时的一个主要决定因素。这也是为什么我在title那里用了4个风格不是很一样的图。就是为了让大家再一开始有个自己反思的直观认识 >< 同时我觉的这篇argument里面，最为关键的无非就是这个和一个背景环境的分析，这也是我底下帖了几个background info的目的，在现在的状况下，本来买的人数就有下降，经济压力是在整个业界共有的。就算他改了，换成别的形式的cover story，设计一如既往的糟糕，or本来就没多少人买杂志再怎么换都一样， 那么这样看来，改了也是白改，并没有从实际上解决根本问题。这样是不是显得更为有力呢？
再次提醒，注意时效性，注意commonsense。

言辞不当之处还望指出~~
thx

archaeologyUID: 2598252

cmj辛苦了，说得很在理，我豁然开朗啊。尽管有心理准备，但没想到第一篇A会有这么大问题，要重新写一遍啦。