0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by [NI]wshp90

wshp90UID: 2509845

In this argument, the arguer advocates that Newsbeat should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers.This recommendation is based on the observation that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers.meanwhile,the arguer assumes  decreasing the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to be a better choice because of its increase.However, these alone do not constitute a logical argument in favor of its conclusion and fail to provide convincing support making it sound and invulnerable. It is problematic for four reasons.
Firstly,the arguer point out that the sellers displayed international news on their covers is the worst which is not sufficient for the fact that those magazines' profits are the lowest.It is probably those magazines are more expensive than others.
Secondly,the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the competitors gain more profits than them,however,no evidence is states in the  argument to support this assumption.Then if this cannot even be established,I can see no reason why they should imitate their competitors .Even assuming their competitors make more money ,there still has insufficient evidence to conclude that decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news lead to their progression.For example ,it is more likely because their competitors' magazines are more attracting or their magazines' brand name have larger number of readers as well as the size of the magazines which can devote to whether they are easy to take along cause by the acceleration of human life rhythm.               
In all the discussion and debate over cover stories , one important fact is generally overlookes. A great many people don't judge magazines by the cover but browse them before decide to buy which one finally.
In addition,the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Profit is a factor of not only costs but also  incomes.The arguer assumes without warrant that the benefits of the course will overweigh  its costs.Even if  the cost of maitaining the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing , it does not follow that the tatall profit will decrease. For instance,maybe the original cost was very tiny.Besides, the arguer does not provide any solid information concerning the cost compare to the real income .Without ruling out these and other possible factors that give rise to the reduction of profits.The auther cannot confidently conclude that solution.
To sum up ,the conclusion lacks credibility because  the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maitains.To strenthern the argument ,the arguer would have to produce more evidence concerning the readers' real intersts about the cover stories and the package.For instance ,it is hopes that great efforts should be directed to expend on using stunning graphs or symbols and so on.

wshp90UID: 2509845

好惭愧啊 911了终于完成一篇处女作…… 可恶 网还老是掉

欢迎各路高手拍砖哦 ！  做好鼻青脸肿的心理准备！

brianwangboUID: 2643722

In this argument, the arguer advocates that Newsbeat should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers.（版主的话：这句重复毫无意义，所以要简单，说明意思，重复原句意义不大）This recommendation is based on the observation that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers（又重复？概括原句，不然有凑字数之嫌）.meanwhile（不大写？）,the arguer assumes  decreasing the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to be a better choice because of its increase（貌似语言表达有误）.However, these alone（这个表达…，嗯，不太流畅） do not constitute a logical argument in favor of its conclusion and fail to provide convincing support（evidence？） making it sound and invulnerable(这句话我看得很晕). It is problematic for four reasons.
Firstly,the arguer points out that the sellers displayed(put?可以这么用？而且要保持时态一致) international news on their covers is the worst （最高级？How do u know?）which is not sufficient for the fact that those magazines' profits are the lowest(本句我不太懂,呃…..).It is probably those magazines are more expensive than others（这一句怎么突然冒出来…..本段想说明的问题是？逻辑结构？）.
Secondly,the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the competitors gain more profits than them（题里得出的假设,最多是作者以为两个杂志所处的环境、情况一样，怎能看出gain more profits?立论的依据是？）,however,no evidence is states（表达有误） in the  argument to support this assumption（本句语言表达，呃…修改…..）.Then if this cannot even be established,I can see no reason why they should imitate their competitors .Even assuming their competitors make more money（呃，这个假设…..不合理） ,there still has insufficient（not enough?这个单词可以这么用不？） evidence to conclude that decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news lead to their progression.For example ,it is more likely because their competitors' magazines are more attracting or their magazines' brand name have larger number of readers as well as the size of the magazines which can devote to whether they are easy to take along cause by the acceleration of human life rhythm（我看了几遍，结果我不知道本句的具体意思…..而且太长了….. :-)）.               
In all the discussion and debate over cover stories（four reasons？怎么就见了两个，结构不清楚） , one important fact is generally overlookes（be forgotten?本句句义不通）. A great many people don't judge magazines by the cover but browse them before decide to buy which one finally.（but by their content）
In addition,the arguer commits a fallacy(?犯错…..fallacy could commit?) of hasty generalization(you want to say:it is hasty for the author to draw such a conclusion ?). Profit is a factor (result?) of not only costs but also  incomes(it’s not clear. I think the definition of profit can be given here, not writing by yourself ).The arguer assumes without warrant(a word can clearly express your idea only if you see that usage somewhere. Warranting ?) that the benefits of the course(?) will overweigh  its costs.Even if  the cost of maitaining the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing , it does not follow(mean?) that the tatall (total) profit will decrease. For instance,maybe the original cost was very tiny.Besides, the arguer does not provide any solid(cogent?) information concerning the cost compare to the real income .Without ruling out these and other possible(重复太多了，而且你指的是你上面提到的吧，怎么还会这么空的表达) factors that give rise to the reduction of profits.The auther（author） cannot confidently conclude that solution（？什么表达）.
To sum up ,the conclusion lacks credibility because  the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend（give？） strong support to what the arguer maitains.To strenthern（strengthen？） the argument ,the arguer would (should?)have to produce(provide?) more evidence concerning the readers' real intersts about the cover stories and the package.For instance ,it is hopes(呃….) that great efforts should be directed to expend on using stunning graphs or symbols and so on.（不明白~）
呃…..加油加油~~第一篇已经很不错了~~本篇文章的写作缺少的是对于写作层次完整的把握，各段的分工不明确，逻辑缺少推敲，一些词语的应用比较唐突，建议多看范文……..水平有限，希望不要见怪，o(∩_∩)o…大家批判我吧………….

wshp90UID: 2509845

点评的很好哇  这么晚了辛苦喽 拙劣的不行难为你能看完了呵呵 我一定好好反省 …… 的确我知道逻辑、语言都很成问题！  呃 很棘手 该抓紧了啊！   
再次感谢个！

LovellaUID: 2616552

首先先道个歉，改的有点迟了呢，还被CMJ大人催了，实在不好意思，是我时间安排问题；
另外，貌似看上去我改的很少，但是是有原因的，具体见下，别被套上个不认真的名号我就冤了哈~

In this argument, the arguer advocates that Newsbeat should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. This recommendation is based on the observation that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers.meanwhile,the arguer assumes  decreasing the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to be a better choice because of its increase.However, these alone do not constitute a logical argument in favor of its conclusion and fail to provide convincing support making it sound and invulnerable. It is problematic for four reasons.
（开头对于作者论据，假设，结论的概括是单纯复述，至少也是要改写一下）

Firstly,the arguer point out that the sellers displayed international news on their covers is the worst which is not sufficient for the fact that those magazines' profits are the lowest.It is probably those magazines are more expensive than others.
(这一段。。。是不完整的，刚开始时最少三段式也要做到)

Secondly,the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the competitors gain more profits than them,however,no evidence is states in the  argument to support this assumption.Then if this cannot even be established,I can see no reason why they should imitate their competitors .Even assuming their competitors make more money ,there still has insufficient evidence to conclude that decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news lead to their progression.For example ,it is more likely because their competitors' magazines are more attracting or their magazines' brand name have larger number of readers as well as the size of the magazines which can devote to whether they are easy to take along cause by the acceleration of human life rhythm.   
（这一段其实还好，但是跟之前放一起就是一个结果哦：段落分布极其不平衡且有缺失）           
In all the discussion and debate over cover stories , one important fact is generally overlookes. A great many people don't judge magazines by the cover but browse them before decide to buy which one finally.

In addition,the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Profit is a factor of not only costs but also  incomes.The arguer assumes without warrant that the benefits of the course will overweigh  its costs.Even if  the cost of maitaining the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing , it does not follow that the tatall profit will decrease. For instance,maybe the original cost was very tiny.Besides, the arguer does not provide any solid information concerning the cost compare to the real income .Without ruling out these and other possible factors that give rise to the reduction of profits.The auther cannot confidently conclude that solution.

To sum up ,the conclusion lacks credibility because  the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maitains.To strenthern the argument ,the arguer would have to produce more evidence concerning the readers' real intersts about the cover stories and the package.For instance ,it is hopes that great efforts should be directed to expend on using stunning graphs or symbols and so on.

我的AW也没有准备很久，个人水平也有限，但是之前还是写过几篇A的，而且考虑到这是作者的第一篇，所以我想先不管具体的细节错误，而写一些根据自己经验的建议：
1. 先说下，AW中每个标点符号后都是要打一个空格的哦，我注意到你的是连在一起的，记得空格
2. 模板问题，对你满篇的模板我其实没觉得不对，对于才写第一篇的人来说，模仿模板写没错，甚至是有益的，等到你慢慢积累到了，有了自己对Argu的了解和思
    想之后，才会发现模板到底为什么烂，怎么烂，而这些对于现在来说还没到时候，建议是：可以继续使用模板，继续看北美范文，但前提是思考不能停止，现在使
    用模板是个上手的过程，等你觉得差不多上手以后，再回过头去研究ETS官方范文，好好做总结，就会有不一样的体会了，加油~
3. 看到你的文章中的段落缺失部分，我觉得你应该对Argu还没有一个大概的认识，这时候别急着研究深入的东西，把手头参考书或者精华上基础的东西多看看，继
   续锻炼逻辑思维，照着模板可以再写那么几篇（具体多少看情况了哈），然后就该考虑2中提到的部分啦`
其实我自己也不能说完全脱离模板了，不过这两天小有体会，而且看到楼上上对你的作文细节部分也说了，我就给个类似于大方向的建议吧，呵呵，欢迎交流斧正！

wshp90UID: 2509845

5# Lovella
非常感谢楼上指教 ！！ 感觉受益颇深  建议题的很好我定认真采纳！！呵呵:handshake

ddcmj519UID: 176326

我插句话。
少用模板。模板上的词可以挖下来用。但是那些毫无意义的句子一定要删。
写作时间有限。更重要的是如何利用有限词展现尽可能多的思想。
记住草木的一个公式
思维深度>广度>语言

看一下咱无夏版主的文。
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-718697-1-1.html

echo0805UID: 2646075

7# ddcmj519
In this argument, the arguer advocates that Newsbeat
should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. This recommendation is based on the observation that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers.meanwhile,(粘到我的ｗｏｒｄ里很多这种英文标点后没空格,第一个字母没大写的，不知道是你没注意还是粘贴过来的问题啊呵呵)the arguer assumes  decreasing the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to be a better choice because of its increase. However, these alone do not constitute a logical argument in favor of its conclusion and fail to provide convincing support making it sound and invulnerable. It is problematic for four reasons.
Firstly, the arguer point out that the sellers displayed international news on their covers is the worst which is not sufficient for the fact that those magazines' profits are the lowest. It is probably those magazines are more expensive than others.(这段总觉得少了点什么，不够深入)
Secondly, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the competitors gain more profits than them,however,no evidence is states（stated） in the  argument to support this assumption.Then if this cannot even be established,I can see no reason why they should imitate their competitors .Even assuming their competitors make more money ,there still has insufficient evidence to conclude that decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news lead to their progression.For example ,it is more likely because（it is more likely后面应该接that 从句） their competitors' magazines are more attracting or their magazines' brand name have larger number of readers as well as the size of the magazines which can devote to whether they are easy to take along cause by the acceleration of human life rhythm.               
In all the discussion and debate over cover stories , one important fact is generally overlookes. A great many people don't judge magazines by the cover(covers) but browse them before decide(deciding?) to buy which one finally.（这点很好哦，我都没想到哦，呵呵）
In addition,the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Profit is a factor of not only costs but also  incomes.The arguer assumes without warrant that the benefits of the course will overweigh  its costs.Even if  the cost of maitaining （拼写错误）the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing , it does not follow that the tatall（拼写错误） profit will decrease. For instance,maybe the original cost was very tiny.Besides, the arguer does not provide any solid information concerning the cost compare to the real income .（这里有点语病）Without ruling out these and other possible factors that give rise to the reduction of profits.The auther（拼写错误） cannot confidently conclude that solution.
To sum up ,the conclusion lacks credibility because  the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maitains（拼写错误）.To strenthern（拼写错误） the argument ,the arguer would have to produce more evidence concerning the readers' real intersts（拼写错误） about the cover stories and the package（the package？这个跟封面还是不一样）.For instance ,it is hopes that great efforts should be directed to expend on using stunning graphs or symbols and so on.（这一段总结的不太到位，只讲了一个方面。改进方面覆盖上面所提不足应该更好）
（有些来自于模版的句子，跟我模仿的有点像^_^。以后我们都尽量少模仿模板了。有些小细节问题，比如拼写呀，还有标点后的空格等。有些论证不是很深入，不是很全面。总体还好啦，尤其是第一篇。水平有限，只能粗略改一改。加油！）

wshp90UID: 2509845

我插句话。
少用模板。模板上的词可以挖下来用。但是那些毫无意义的句子一定要删。
写作时间有限。更重要的是如何利用有限词展现尽可能多的思想。
记住草木的一个公式
思维深度>广度>语言

看一下咱无夏版主的 ...
ddcmj519 发表于 2009-6-1 10:08

写的好！多谢版主指点！！ 我也觉得无夏版主写的太好了！