Issue7 =So What=小组第2次作业 by 紫薇花开

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

time  2小时

Children are the denstiny of the country, world and society. As a result of social rrhythem, life pressure which both have greatly increased, nearly all the people in the world who are boundariless, racialess, and no religion
difference and don’t differentiate vocation, become more and more concerned with the education of chirldren. socialization as one aspect of education has come into people eyes. But
how does the degree of it determin the fate of society? In anoter words, does it have any help for us to bring about a better society?
As for the first question, Ithink socialization is only one factor influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to a better society and it is even not the most important one. Modern society put too much emphasizes on the cultivation of skills such as dance, pino and draqing. It becomes a common sense that only children who master substantial knowledge skills can have a standfast pedestal for them to go to world. However, we have already realized the bad impact of today’s education, which neglectd moral education, physical education and psychologiacal education leading to most of the students are in a unhealthy state of their psyche, even some of them have a psychological illness which only took place on adults before. Therefore, value such as honesty, persistence, probity and kindness are core lessons inculted by parents and school systems. The problem is how to find the balance between socialization education and poral education.
To discuss the second quedtion, firstly we must define a better society as one characterized by greater tolerance of viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves, greater respect for individual rights, and greater cooperation across culture and national boundaries, them the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better society, ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our national environment is the best example and the sensitivity to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups , homosexuals are increasing. But on the other hand, the charateristic of a better society only is economy greatly increase and material life improve. We have no choice just improving their subsistance skills. However considering the above problem socialization do a little help for the first of a better society, in constract, it become a main tools for the second kind of a better society.
Above all, the development of technology bring children many advantages on the education resourse , information resourse and life level which all exceed the condition parents have and society take pride of children’s clever partally caused by advantages offered by technology, but lack of the capacity of cooperation, the ability on knowing society and leadship is the main problem confronted by society today. Unfortunately, socialization cann’t solve these default found on children. So we cann’t say how chilldren are socialized today determines the destiny of society, furthermore, because different people have different views towards a better society the method on how to raise children merit a discussion based the endeavors coming from the world.

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

这次写的算上是认真了
但是我不满意，因为我也不知道怎样弄，才会满意一点。
大家很力批吧！同时我也会回报大家的

linyan821230UID: 2638813

Issue 130
Children are the denstiny (destiny) of the country, world and society. As a result of social rrhythem (节奏 rhythm), life pressure which both have greatly increased, nearly all the people in the world who are boundariless, racialess(好像没有这两个词), and no religion difference and don’t differentiate vocation, become more and more concerned with the education of children (children).[1] socialization (Socialization) as one aspect of education has come into people eyes.(come in to people eyes 的表达比较奇怪，是固定搭配吗？如果想说引起人们注意，可以用attract people’s attention) But how does the degree of it determine (determine) the fate of society? (在怎样的程度上 To what extent) In anoter (other) words, does it have any help for us to bring about a better society? (1.我觉得第一段是总起段，多少对自己的看法做一个表述。这里连续两个问句，建议至少把一个换成陈述句，阐述下个人观点; 2.in other words 表示“换句话说，也就是说”，后面跟着的是解释性的语句。我觉着这两个问句的含义不同，不能相互解释。建议重新考虑连词)

[1] 个人觉得句子太复杂了，在意思的表达上不太确切。建议：As the life pace gets faster and faster, nearly all people in the world, no matter to which country, race and religion they belong, become more and more concerned with the education of children.

As for the first question, I think socialization is only one factor(only one表示只有一个，我想你想说 one of the factors) influencing the extent to which (有点奇怪，我不确定，查一下吧) an individual will contribute to a better society and it is even not the most important one. Modern society put too much emphasizes
(应用名词 emphasis) on the cultivation of skills such as dance (dancing), pino (playing piano) and draqing (这是什么意思？). It becomes a common sense that only children who master substantial knowledge and skills can have a standfast pedestal for them to go to world. However, we have already realized the bad impact of today’s education, which neglectd (neglect) moral education, physical education and psychologiacal (psychological) education leading to most of the students are in a unhealthy state of their psyche, even some of them have a psychological illness which only took place on adults before. (句子成分不对，好多谓语啊。不如分成两句写：However, we have realized the drawbacks of today’s education, which neglect moral education, physical education and psychological education. In such condition some of students have been in an unhealthy psychological condition, even some of them have a psychological illness which only took place on adults before.) Therefore, value such as honesty, persistence, probity and kindness are core lessons inculted (inculcated) by parents and school systems. The problem is how to find the balance between socialization education and poral (什么意思啊？) education.
To discuss the second quedtion (question), firstly, we must define a better society as one characterized by greater tolerance of different viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves, greater respect for individual rights, and greater cooperation across culture and national boundaries,(这是不是该句点？) them the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better society, ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our national environment is the best example and the sensitivity to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups , homosexuals are increasing.(没看明白) But on the other hand, the characteristic(characteristic) of a better society only is economy greatly increase and material life improve. We have no choice just improving their subsistence (?) skills. However considering the above problem socialization do a little help for the first of a better society, in constract (contrast), it become(becomes) a main tools for the second kind of a better society.
Above all, the development of technology bring (brings) children many advantages on the education resourse(resource), information resourse (resource)and life level which all exceed the condition parents have and society take pride of children’s clever partally (partially) caused by advantages offered by technology,(句点？) but (But) lack of the capacity of cooperation, the ability on knowing society and leadship(leadership)is the main problem confronted by society today. Unfortunately, socialization cann’t(cannot) solve these default found on children. So we cann’t (can’t) say how chilldren (children)are socialized today determines the destiny of society, (.)furthermore(Furthermore), because different people have different views towards a better society the method on how to raise children merit a discussion based the endeavors coming from the world.
建议：（1）注意拼写，写完后贴在word里看看有没有红线
（2）有的句子太长了，谓语不止一个。我也有这个问题，但我认为刚开始的时候先把句子写对，再求写长。
（3）倒数第二段看的不是很懂。

zhenyi2000UID: 2640146

4# linyan821230

Children are the denstiny of the country, world and society. As a result of social rrhythem, life pressure which both have greatly increased, (作者这句话指的是 由于social rhythm, life pressure的增加... 而不是social rhythm, life pressue, 换成 As a result of the great increasement of the social rhythm, life pressue) nearly all the people in the world who are boundariless, racialess, and no religion
difference and don’t differentiate vocation,(？这句话不知道是什么意思) become more and more concerned with the education of chirldren. (感觉 the increasement of the social rhythm, life pressure 不应该成为人们concern about the education of children 的原因啊)socialization as one aspect of education has come into people eyes. But
how does the degree of it determin the fate of society?（But what degree does it determine the fate of society） In anoter words, does it have any help for us to bring about a better society?
As for the first question, Ithink socialization is only one factor influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to a better society and it is even not the most important one.（这句话读起来有点别扭） Modern society put too much emphasizes on the cultivation of skills such as dance, pino and draqing. It becomes a common sense that only children who master substantial knowledge skills can have a standfast pedestal for them to go to world. However, we have already realized the bad impact of today’s education, which neglectd moral education, physical education and psychologiacal education leading to most of the students are in a unhealthy state of their psyche,（这句话有两层意思，应该分成两句话来讲） even some of them have a psychological illness which only took place on adults before. Therefore, value such as honesty, persistence, probity and kindness are core lessons inculted by parents and school systems. The problem is how to find the balance between socialization education and poral education.（这段话逻辑层次不够清晰，如果作者不善于驾驭长句可以分成短句，这样能更好的让人理解）
To discuss the second quedtion, firstly we must define a better society as one characterized by greater tolerance of viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves, greater respect for individual rights, and greater cooperation across culture and national boundaries, them the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better society, ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our national environment is the best example and the sensitivity to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups , homosexuals are increasing. But on the other hand, the charateristic of a better society only is economy greatly increase and material life improve. We have no choice just improving their subsistance skills. However considering the above problem socialization do a little help for the first of a better society, in constract, it become a main tools for the second kind of a better society.（没明白作者这段的意思）
Above all, the development of technology bring children many advantages on the education resourse , information resourse and life level which all exceed the condition parents have and society take pride of children’s clever partally caused by advantages offered by technology, but lack of the capacity of cooperation, the ability on knowing society and leadship is the main problem confronted by society today. Unfortunately, socialization cann’t solve these default found on children. So we cann’t say how chilldren are socialized today determines the destiny of society, furthermore, because different people have different views towards a better society the method on how to raise children merit a discussion based the endeavors coming from the world.

总结：
1.  作者的单词有好多都错了，这里就不指正了。
2.  作者不擅于表达长句，很多长句我都没明白是什么意思。
3.  文章的结构还算清晰。
~~~希望作者能加强一下语言，不一定要用很华丽的辞藻，要能表达清楚就好了~~~~

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

修改篇

Children are the destiny of the country, world and society. As a result of the increasement of social rhythm, life pressure , nearly all the people in the world no matter where they come from , which race and religion they belong to become more and more concerned with the education of chirldren. (感觉 the increasement of the social rhythm, life pressure 不应该成为人们concern about the education of children 的原因啊)Socialization as one aspect of education has come into people eyes. But
what degree does it determin the fate of society? In anoter words, does it have any help for us to bring about a better society?
As for the first question, I think socialization is only one of the factors influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to a better society and it is even not the most important one. Modern society put too much emphasis on the cultivation of skills such as dance, pino and draqing. It becomes a common sense that only children who master substantial knowledge skills can have a standfast pedestal for them to go to world. However, we have already realized the bad impact of today’s education, which neglectd moral education, physical education and psychologiacal education leading to most of the students are in a unhealthy state of their psyche, and even some of them have a psychological illness which only took place on adults before. Therefore, value such as honesty, persistence, probity and kindness are core lessons inculcated by parents and school systems. The problem is how to find the balance between socialization education and moral education.
To discuss the second question, firstly, we must define a better society as one characterized by greater tolerance of  different viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves, greater respect for individual rights, and greater cooperation across culture and national boundaries, then the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better society. ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our national environment is the best example and the sensitivity to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups , homosexuals are increasing. But on the other hand, the characteristic of a better society only is economy greatly increase and material life improve. We have no choice just improving their subsistance(existence )skills. However considering the above problem socialization do a little help for the first of a better society, in contrast, it becomes a main tools for the second kind of a better society.
Above all, the development of technology brings children many advantages on the education resource , information resource and life level which all exceed the condition parents have and society take pride of children’s clever partially caused by advantages offered by technology. but lack of the capacity of cooperation, the ability on knowing society and leadship is the main problem confronted by society today. Unfortunately, socialization can’t solve these default found on children. So we can’t say how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.Furthermore, because different people have different views towards a better society the method on how to raise children merit a discussion based the endeavors coming from the world.